Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to cancel going to a hen party to attend another event?

28 replies

poglol · 01/05/2013 18:40

Have been invited to a hen party of someone i know, not a close friend but someone i am becoming friends with. I can't attend the wedding even though I've been invited, as I'm on holiday.

Now my boss is retiring. She has been my boss for 11 years and i really admire her. She has taught me a lot and she's a good boss. Her retirement party is the same night.

I really don't want to miss the chance to wish my boss farewell, but i hate it when people pull out of events for a 'better offer' . Actually the hen party will probably be the more fun event, as the retirement party will be work collages, who are a rather mixed bunch to socialise with, but i don't want to miss my boss's send off.

Any suggestions?

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 01/05/2013 18:42

Go where you want to go.

Personally I'd be going where I could mingle and increase my career prospects, but I'm mercenary like that.

Original poster
poglol · 01/05/2013 18:49

holly won't help the career much, alcohol will be involved!

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 01/05/2013 18:51

Can you do both? Go to the retirement party at the start of the evening and catch up with the hen party a bit later.

Justforlaughs · 01/05/2013 18:52

I'm assuming that there is no way you can "show your face" at one of the events and then attend the other. If not then I don't envy you your choice. Would your boss understand and go out for a drink at lunchtime with you or something?

Original poster
poglol · 01/05/2013 19:04

Don't think i can do both sadly, they are in different towns although quite local.

I'm sure my boss will be OK with me not going, but I want to go to show appreciation really.

OP posts:
mynewpassion · 01/05/2013 19:08

Easily solvable. Take boss out to dinner a few nights before leaving party then go to hen party

scaevola · 01/05/2013 19:10

You really shouldn't pull out of the hen party if you've already accepted.

I agree with mynewpassion that you could take the boss out separately.

mynewpassion · 01/05/2013 19:10

If not dinner you can do lunch.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 01/05/2013 19:11

I don't think you should pull out of the hen party. They are often costed on the basis of how many people are going, so you pulling out could result in others needing to pay more.

Even if that isn't the case, I think it is rude to pull out for a 'better offer'. You would probably find that you were no longer becoming friends with that person!

Original poster
poglol · 01/05/2013 19:11

Hummm wonder if boss would like meal out idea?

OP posts:
Original poster
poglol · 01/05/2013 19:13

That's what i mean alibaba i think it's wrong to say oh yes I'd love to come, oh no now i can't.

OP posts:
Longdistance · 01/05/2013 19:25

You could lookupon it as, your boss is leaving to retire, so you may never see them again, but with the hen, you are beginning a new friendship, and you don't go, the hen may get upset by you cancelling, and you won't have her as a new friend iygwim.

thermalsinapril · 01/05/2013 19:28

i hate it when people pull out of events for a 'better offer'

I think that gives you the answer.

Original poster
poglol · 01/05/2013 19:29

Yes longdistance it's a good point. New friend is hopefully going to be around for a while.

OP posts:
badguider · 01/05/2013 19:30

Is boss's thing not straight from work? If so, stay for an hour then go to hen party late.

Original poster
poglol · 01/05/2013 19:34

Yes thermals, i know what i should do, as i do get annoyed when people do this.

On other hand longdistance I've know the boss for 11 years, but have only just meet the friend, who presumably will have loads of other friends there who i don't know, and maybe wouldn't miss me?Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
poglol · 01/05/2013 19:36

Could stay straight from work for a bit, but i think it is an evening thing tbh.

OP posts:
Longdistance · 02/05/2013 06:04

But Poglol, your friend ma well have like mine de friends to her, and you could perhaps make some new friends on her hen do.

SanitaryOwl · 02/05/2013 06:54

It's her hen party, she's invited you, she'll notice you're not there.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 02/05/2013 07:02

I think if you have already said you will attend the hen party it would be really bad manners to pull out to go elsewhere.

Either pop along to leaving party and meet up with hen party later, if they are both local(ish) it should be do-able, or go out with boss for a drink separately.

I would just explain to the boss that you have already committed to another night out.

MsJupiterJones · 02/05/2013 07:22

I had this situation with my boss and a hen party a couple of years ago, as it was my sister there was less question over whether to go but I felt really bad at missing my boss's do. However we're still in touch and he knows how much I respect him and am grateful for his input into my life & career. He had lots of other people there to send him off so I was less missed there than I would have been at the hen party, which was a more select gathering.

I think in general people who cancel are always missed at hen parties. As someone else said hen nights are often costed on a group basis (esp if there is an activity) so it could also put the others out of pocket (meaning you'd be missed for the wrong reason!).

A good hen party can really cement a friendship and I bet your presence will be really appreciated.

CloudsAndTrees · 02/05/2013 08:00

I think it's wrong to accept an invitation and then to drop out because something else comes along. You have made a commitment, and ime people do get upset when people drop out of events that are important to them.

You are trying to convince yourself that it's ok to ditch the hen night, but if you know the hen will be disappointed, then you know it's not really. You wouldn't be feeling guilty enough to ask the question otherwise.

StuntGirl · 02/05/2013 08:03

If there's a double booking always go for the one you agreed to first. Apologise to your boss, and arrange to take her out for lunch/dinner another time.

VoiceofUnreason · 02/05/2013 08:08

It's downright rude to drop out of something you've already accepted because something else has come along. The only exception would be something involving immediate family.

Agree with others, I can see no reason why you couldn't show your appreciation for your boss by taking them to lunch, even if this is the week after they have left the firm (which they might appreciate even more, as they get used to the lack of routine and seeing regular faces).

Original poster
poglol · 02/05/2013 19:08

You guys are all basically saying what I'm thinking. it really IS rude to pull out IMO.

Curses!

OP posts: