Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To ask whether to contact the school about the behaviour points given to my son

65 replies

eleflump · 01/05/2013 17:22

This is my first AIBU - please bear with me!!

DS1 is in Year 7 at our local secondary school. He is a mature lad, in the top sets and not prone to being in any trouble at school unlike DS2.

He was walking down the corridor at lesson changeover when another boy in Year 7 came up to him out of nowhere and punched him in the head. My son knows this boy's name but has never spoken to him before.

The incident was last week and DS told me about it at the time - he had a red mark on the side of his head where he had been punched. My son was caught by surprise when he was hit, and turned round and punched the boy back. A teacher saw the incident, came up and asked the boy if he was "scrapping again" and took him to his lesson.

Nothing more was said until the weekly round up of reward/bad behaviour points during form time today, when DS discovered that he has been given three bad behaviour points. He has got to this point in the year without having accrued any, and is fuming that he has now been given these because of being punched by this boy. He wants me to contact school.

I am pretty sure that the school are going to say that he should not have punched back and that the points will have to stand, and to be honest, I am more concerned that DS stands up for himself in such a situation than the fact that he has been given behaviour points.

However, he has really bought into the reward/behaviour point scheme at school, and I think it is sad that his record is now going to be blemished because of this incident. I feel that it will destroy DS's faith in the integrity of the scheme.

So - would you contact the school to try and get the point removed? Or just explain to DS that although we wouldn't condone him receiving behaviour points in any other situation, in this instance we believe that he was entitled to defend himself against an unprovoked attack?

OP posts:

Primafacie · 01/05/2013 23:15

It's like reading the Winslow Boy again :o

OP, YABU, sorry.

Devora · 01/05/2013 23:19

Your son was not wrong to throw a punch. But he did break a rule. And I assume the 'whatever the reason for hitting, you get a consequence' rule was established to save teachers from spending hours trying to hear all the evidence before acting as judge and jury. I don't think that's unreasonable.

So your son has to pay a price for his actions. But it will probably be worth it if it keeps this kid off his back. All best to your ds - that must have all been upsetting.

seesensepeople · 01/05/2013 23:36

Devora "Your son was not wrong to throw a punch. But he did break a rule. And I assume the 'whatever the reason for hitting, you get a consequence' rule was established to save teachers from spending hours trying to hear all the evidence before acting as judge and jury. I don't think that's unreasonable."

I don't necessarily have a problem with this as it stands except for the fact that the punishment seems to have come out of the blue for OPs child: "Nothing more was said until the weekly round up "

This, I think, is wrong - it is not good to teach a child that one thing can be implied in public but different things happen in practice.

I have 5 children and I have learnt that nothing demotivates a child more than a sense of injustice.

Bunson · 01/05/2013 23:40

Tutor him at home. School is ruined for him forever now.

Devora · 01/05/2013 23:40

True true

AnyFucker · 01/05/2013 23:41

school is ruined for him forever ?

how ridiculously reactionary

Cherriesarelovely · 01/05/2013 23:46

"nothing demotivates a child more than a sense of injustice"
completely agree Seesense.

Obviously life can be unfair and children do need to be able to cope with various disappointments and upsets but I think in this instance I would encourage your son to complain or at least make sure his side of the story has been heard. I don't agree with adults handing out punishments without hearing the full story.

AmberLeaf · 02/05/2013 00:29

What are you on? They can act in self-defence, not attack/hit

Sometimes acting in self defence involves hitting!

Ive seen a police man give about 5 hard punches to the arm of someone he was restraining, that is hitting.

It is a restraint technique.

yaimee · 02/05/2013 00:33

Do any of you remember school? Did 'telling a teacher' work well for you. He did just the right thing. If another adult punched me, i'd punch them back and wouldn't expect my child to behave any differently.
That said, the school rules (rightly) state that there is to be no violence and have to be upheld, so I don't think you should contact the school.
Disuss the situation with ds and explain that you understand his reaction but that the rules are in place for a reason and are to be followed by everyone etc etc. I'm afraid it might have to be one of those hard to swallow life lessons, but worth it to stand up for himself.

hm32 · 02/05/2013 06:14

What he did will make the other boy think twice about punching him again. The other boy obviously doesn't care about bad behaviour points, and if your DS had just let him do it, with no retaliation, he would have been an easy target to be hit again. Tell him to take the points for hitting, and carry on with his life.

AViewFromTheFridge · 02/05/2013 06:39

we don't deal with unprovoked punching with a hearty cry of "Scrapping again, lads?", a pat on the back and some stealth awarding of behaviour points later in the week

^^this

I'm another teacher who's surprised by the school's reaction - they seem to have really downplayed it. To put it in context, what does 3 points "mean" - is it a lot to get all at once or the minimum they can get? And do you know if the other boy received the same punishment? It definitely should have been looked into before they started dishing out points though. Agree that the points will probably stand, but it might be worth speaking to school to set the record straight.

Bunbaker · 02/05/2013 06:52

My main concern would be the unprovoked attack. If I were to contact the school I would say that I know it was wrong to retaliate, but what are they doing to stop this boy from attacking another child?

anklebitersmum · 02/05/2013 09:51

I'd have awarded my son for defending himself.

"In our house son 3 behaviour points for defending yourself against a bully equals a new app for the kindle & choose a treat whilst shopping. Well done."

And the school would have 'incoming' for a number of reasons;

What do behaviour points equate to in real terms in the school?
Did the aggressor get double as he instigated the initial attack or did they get the same? I bet they got the same

Quite frankly this idealistic 'tell the teacher after you've been pummelled' patheticness I know, not a word gets my goat.

Ultimately though I would most certainly be asking why, when my DS was assaulted on school property, I wasn't informed by the school with immediate effect.

Euclase · 02/05/2013 13:02

*I'd have awarded my son for defending himself.

"In our house son 3 behaviour points for defending yourself against a bully equals a new app for the kindle & choose a treat whilst shopping. Well done." *

This.

If my child is attacked in an unprovoked then they are allowed to retaliate in my book.

If they ever hit first - then they'd be punished but never for self defence like in this case.

PearlyWhites · 02/05/2013 15:12

You were lucky your ds didn't get suspended, a girl slapped my dd she slapped her back and they both got a day suspension.

Flip

1 2 3