To tell 'D'P that if he won't help with the housework, he can go back to his parents?

[grumpyinthemorning]

I am not a housekeeper, being at home all day does not mean cleaning is entirely my responsibility. I have a three year old to take care of, college work to do, I do the food shopping (would do it online, but it's nice to get out of the house) and I don't have the time or energy to do the bulk of the housework too. His excuse is that he's always tired from work. I'm tired too! The least he could do is pick up after himself.

How do I deal with this? It's really getting me down, I don't want to live in a shitpit, but I feel like I don't have any space in my own home.

So, I have taken all the comments on board, and his crap is now sitting in the corner for him to sort out. Have also texted him and told him that he has to do it, or I will be going on strike and not doing his washing or tidying anymore. Hopefully it will work.

Feel better for having a tidy living room, now to run the hoover round and settle in for an hour or two of skyrim!

FasterStronger, no, we share the cooking. But he's a lot better at it than me!

I am a little concerned that you (both?) think he is better at cooking and he thinks he is too good to contribute around the house.

what you are a best at, appears to be the crap jobs, and that is never true.

But it's not 'housework', grumpy, to pick up your dinner plate after you eat and put the milk back in the fridge.

'I will be going on strike and not doing his washing or tidying anymore. Hopefully it will work.'

I don't get why you were doing it in the first place.

I don't know men like this because I don't know people who would put up with this.

You say he's been living with you for a year and slips and goes back to behaving like this? Then you need to send him back to his mother.

DH was like this when I started ML and Id have to tidy all his shit in the living room.each morning before my day with dd. In the end I sat him down and said the living room was my workplace and I wouldnt let anyone at work.mess my office up so.much. And I certainly wouldnt trash his workplace each night either.

I pretty mich demanded that he view the living room as my workplace as treat it as such.

He drastically improved, and I also took stuff he left.elsewhere and dumped it all on his side.of the bed.

I didn't put up with it when DH (then DP) and I moved in together. I did point blank tell him if he wanted a maid to eff off back to his mum. She did everything, and I mean everything, for 6 dc plus Fil.
Luckily I only had to threaten it once.
We share the housework. I don't skivvy after him.
He'll be a great role model for our DS, therefore hopefully DS will make a delighfully domesticated husband one day

Another one who has a husband who is blind to mess. My solution: a jobs board.

We have a small white board in the kitchen that the jobs are written on. Empty dishwasher, hoover, sort laundry. wash floors etc. There's usually 6 jobs per day, we take three each and when they're done we can sit down for the evening. I don't feel like I'm nagging and he can't claim he didn't know they needed to be done.

I don't expect him to do jobs when he's not here (I don't ask him to go to the shops etc. unless it's an emergency) so the second he walks through the door he is part of the household and he must contribute.

I work full time in my home as a child minder but sometimes he forgets that even though I'm at home, I'm actually working.

You do all know you don't have to put up with this don't you? Cleaning your bowl when you've eaten breakfast, putting milk back in the fridge, putting clothes away instead of dumping them on the floor...these are things we are taught to do as children. Bollocks to this 'he's just single minded, 'he just doesn't see it' stuff, every time he does one of these things he's choosing to leave it for you to deal with. So don't.

And if he continues to disrespect you like this then yes, send him back to his mother's so he can carry on his teenage existence there.

The only reason adults act like children is because the other adults around them enable them to.

What expat said.

I am [shocked] at the number of women who pick up after their partners - even my kids pick up after themselves! Expat is right, it isn't housework to clear your stuff away. It doesn't matter if he does a bit of cooking, he should still pick up his clothes!

I don't even get me started on the poster who's DH leaves nail clippings on the floor...

OP, pick up his shit and dump it on his side of the bed.

of course.

Not read the full thread yet but just wanted to that coffee.

My DH sounds very similar to yours. You have out so eloquently, what I have been trying to say to DH for years.

I read your post out to him and it began a discussion about how I feel in our relationship. He has agreed to start picking up after himself instead if leaving it to me and will stop accusing me of 'doing nothing all day' when it couldn't be further from the truth.

In all honesty, I have gotten so fed up of the situation these last few months that I am on the verge of leaving. So you may have just saved out marriage providing he actually keeps to his pronises.

Thank you again

That = thank coffee

You realise this means one thing doesn't t it? We have to train our sons to do housework so they won t be repellent to their partners.

Who, me?