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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To prioritise punctuality when it concerns dc

39 replies

Littlehousesomewhere · 30/04/2013 06:32

Dh thinks I am unreasonable to always plan ahead and insist on always being punctual when it comes to dc activities, parties, play dates.

The other day we were running late (because of dh) so I decided not to attend a toddler group that morning.

I would rather not go at all than be 10-15 minutes late. He said this is unreasonable. I do not like the feeling of being late and I feel being late puts dc at a disadvantage compared to their on-time peers.

OP posts:
Jengnr · 30/04/2013 06:38

Being punctual is important but sometimes things happen. Mot going at all is unfair imo.

LeoTheLateBloomer · 30/04/2013 06:42

I like to be on time, but 10-15 minutes late for a toddler group really isn't the end of the world. Being late occasionally is better than letting people down and not going at all. It's also really confusing for the DCs if they think they're going somewhere and then suddenly they're not.

exoticfruits · 30/04/2013 06:43

It depends what it is- appearing at a toddler group a bit late doesn't matter- I doubt a toddler would realise.

thylarctosplummetus · 30/04/2013 06:44

Just go without DH?

exoticfruits · 30/04/2013 06:45

You also have to think of the other person, you can't just not turn up at a
party because you are running late.

dexter73 · 30/04/2013 06:46

I think 10-15 minutes late for toddler group is no big deal.

Branleuse · 30/04/2013 06:47

I think that's quite passive aggressive actually

BeckAndCall · 30/04/2013 06:48

Do you all go to toddler group together?? If my DH had come to toddler group, I'd have gone off somewhere on my own!

There must be something different about your toddler group from what I'm used to - people come at any time and leave at any time in my experience - it's not nursery, so I wouldn't be in the least bit bothered about arriving late. But I too would be bothered about DH being late if my LO was all ready to go!

PigeonPie · 30/04/2013 06:52

Whilst I think UABU about missing a toddler group because you were late, unless it was a highly structured one, I don't think YABU about it generally as it does matter if you DC is late for a birthday party or school etc.

He just has to realise that being late is not an option and if he's fading about, go without him! You might need other strategies like giving him an earlier time to be ready for, for instance.

PigeonPie · 30/04/2013 06:53

Faffing not fading!

Original poster
Littlehousesomewhere · 30/04/2013 06:54

Oh I would always go to a party/play date, just ring/txt to say we're running late, although this really hasn't happened much before, we do manage to be on time.

It was just the toddler group situation has happened a couple of times and I really dislike being late. Finding a car space or buggy park is more difficult. I feel more frazzled and i think it is nicer for dc to be there from the start so they feel fully included. I think being late is not good for their self esteem.

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlehousesomewhere · 30/04/2013 06:55

No I was dropping dh off beforehand.

OP posts:
dexter73 · 30/04/2013 06:57

Do toddlers even realise they are late though? I don't think their self-esteem would be affected by being a bit late to toddler group unless you went on about how awful it was that you were late. Maybe unclench a bit!

Smudging · 30/04/2013 06:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Littlehousesomewhere · 30/04/2013 07:00

bran no one was being passive aggressive.

Dh didn't intend to be late.

I told him I didn't mind not going, I just didn't want to arrive there late.

Dc didnt mind as we went to park instead.

OP posts:
CaptainSweatPants · 30/04/2013 07:01

You're being ott
Toddler group is for fun !
Being late for school would be different

exoticfruits · 30/04/2013 07:03

I think that have to be older than a toddler to realise that they are late. You are looking at it from an adult point of view.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 30/04/2013 07:06

Not good for their self esteem

Seriously? You are thinking way to much about this. A toddler won't care.

Any baby group I've been to is a drop in from whenever time. If you've got an appointment or meeting friends then that's different. Being ten minutes late to a party is nothing, just send a text.

Cancelling going out for being late by ten minutes is weird. It's ten minutes, who cares? Unclench, big time.

WipsGlitter · 30/04/2013 07:07

Punctuality is v important. But I agree toddler group is no big deal and is drop in. But I can also see if its hard to get a parking space then it might be a bit steady.

mummytime · 30/04/2013 07:09

Sorry you do need to loosen up.

Maybe your toddler group is,very different from the ones I went to, but they all started with free play for the first hour or so. So it didn't matter if you were late, in fact few people arrived "on time".

The real problem is going to be when you have a small child/child/teenager. In my experience they can make you very late for things (20 minutes or more to put,on a pair of socks etc.). Yes it is good to teach punctuality and good manners, but sometimes you need to be able to let go and go with the flow.

The other issue is that you and your DH seem to have very different views on punctuality, which could also cause issues further on.

Original poster
Littlehousesomewhere · 30/04/2013 07:10

I used to work as a teacher and i saw how being late affects children's self esteem. It makes them feel out if the loop and second best. I would rather skip the odd toddler group than have them experience this.

Usually it is not a problem but we were unexpectedly delayed this time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlehousesomewhere · 30/04/2013 07:23

I see that I am probably being unreasonable in this situation. Maybe I am looking at it from an adult or older child's perspective.

I know other people don't mind arriving late but it is much nicer being there from the start. Dc can have more of a chat with the organisers (we don't have family/friends near us so I really like having the opportunity for them to speak with other adults). Dc can have first choice of toys without other toddlers already wanting them etc

The toddler group was only an hour long and did have structured part about 10 minutes at the start (which would have begun already) and about 15 minutes before the end.

I will try and be more relaxed next time though if it happens again.

OP posts:
Smudging · 30/04/2013 07:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Smudging · 30/04/2013 07:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mutley77 · 30/04/2013 07:26

I agree re being late for school that it puts children at a disadvantage - socially and in general not being able to organise themselves properly at start of day esp as they are in the later years. I am a serial latecomer but school is one thing I won't be late for.

I think YABU to not go to toddler group due to being late as it is an informal drop in type situation and I think being late for those things can help a child deal with more unexpected and different social situations - esp if their mum is with them. They are not always going to be first somewhere fully prepared so it is a good idea to help them fit into different situations - if you are really going to think that much about it.