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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To (privately) disapprove of my friend having a cleaner

536 replies

Unami · 29/04/2013 16:08

Ok. This may be long, but I will do my best to explain where I am coming from. My friend has a cleaner and I privately disapprove. I would never make an issue of it to her, or even bring it up. It was brought up by another friend when we were at her place for drinks. She was a bit Hmm about it, and it led to a big discussion, but I didn't say anything committal. I do recognise that she can hire a cleaner if she likes. If she likes she can hire a troupe of jugglers and have them juggle in her kitchen all day, if she likes. It's none of my business, I get that.

But I still privately disapprove. AIBU?

Her cleaner comes to her two bedroom flat twice a week and gives it a full clean, and that apparently includes hoovering all carpets and upholdstry, dusting all surfaces, polishing wood, sweeping and cleaning wooden floor in hall and kitchen, emptying waste bins in the house and taking kitchen bins round the back, cleaning mirrors, cleaning the inside of windows, full clean of the kitchen including inside the fridge, full clean of bathroom. Once a month she also gets the oven cleaned, extractor fan cleaned and polished (!?), cupboards dusted inside and out. She says she pays £45 a week for this.

It's just her in the flat. She doesn't have kids and doesn't live with her bf.

Here's my perspective. People say that having a cleaner is just like hiring any other service provider. But it's not. Domestic cleaners clean intimate, private parts of our houses, and clean up our bodily mess, and it's low paid, low status work. Yes, people hire gardeners and window cleaners, but these are roles which require specialist equipment and insurance, and they only work on the outside and periphery of your home. Yes, I recognise that cleaners are employed in offices I use, cafes I eat in and so on, but it's not really the same either. Most commerical cleaners are employed as staff and so get holiday pay, sick pay, NI etc. Agency workers don't have it so good, and I disagree with the terms of their employment too. But domestic cleaners are often paid cash in hand because employers think they are doing them a favour. But they have no holiday, sick pay - what happens if they have an accident in the house they are cleaning in. I know there are some well organised small cleaning companies, but I think they are the exception.

But most of all, I just feel like my friend is just being lazy or thinks she's too good to pick up after herself. If you are elderly or disabled or immobile, then I see nothing wrong with getting the help that you need. Likewise, if you have a busy family, and don't want to be stuck being the person who picks up after everyone else - get the help you need and show the family how much your time costs. But if you have a quiet life and are fit and healthy, I don't see why you think it's ok to have someone over to clean your toilet. I also think that people who say they are so impossibly busy with work that they can't lift a duster once a week really ought to think about cutting back their ft hours, and give others access to the surplus of work they have.

I'm not going to have a go at my friend. But I just don't think it's right.

OP posts:
WhatKindofFool · 30/04/2013 16:50

I'd be more worried that my friend had OCD to be honest.

Kikithecat · 30/04/2013 16:57

I'd say that cleaner is probably quite pleased to have a regular job where there must be very little to clean as there's only one person and the cleaner's in twice a week. Must be a doddle compared to her other gigs.

lilystem · 30/04/2013 18:30

Golden bear - Thursday nights in my childhood meant clean ready for the cleaner night. Now I'm older with my own cleaner I know it more as tidy for the cleaner night.

Didn't stop me learning how to clear up my own mess at all.

KristinaM · 30/04/2013 18:53

Now I feel guilty about going the hairdressers, because I should learn to cut and colour it myself. And buying bread from a shop. And hiring a painter to do the eaves . And the accountant for doing my tax return. And paying the tree surgeon to cut down the leylandii. And the roofer for replacing the slates and repairing the velux window. I buy all our clothes when I coudl be making them myself.

I even pay someone to do alterations, she must feel so demeaned.

I could have cut back my working hours and learned to do all these things myself .

Am I still allowed to hire the chimney man to install the stove, or should I take more time off so I can become HETAS registered?

I send my children to school as well. Maybe I should home educate instead?

Cloverer · 30/04/2013 19:43

The weirdest comments on this thread were about nannies all being the same nationality (who knows what) and how awful it is that there are career nannies rather than just girls on gap years Confused

KatyTheCleaningLady · 30/04/2013 19:59

Kiki I wouldn't like that gig! I would get bored out of my mind doing the same house twice a week and I like there to be some actual dirt to clean!

GettingObsessive · 30/04/2013 20:07

Forgive me, I haven't read the pages and pages of people saying YABU thread but:

"I also think that people who say they are so impossibly busy with work that they can't lift a duster once a week really ought to think about cutting back their ft hours, and give others access to the surplus of work they have."

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Are you actually insane? I'd LOVE to see you trying to explain to my boss why I have to go home from work because I need to clean my house and its not ethical for me to pay someone else to do it for me.

thezebrawearspurple · 30/04/2013 20:12

I'm sure that cleaners would disagree with you. They're making an honest living and have the right to do it, you're only opposed to it because you think it's not a good enough job, very snobby imo. I'm sure your friends cleaner is happy she's not unemployed or working at an even lower status and lower paid job and your friend gets her apartment kept gleaming. That's a mutually beneficial arrangement.

Nothing wrong with hiring people as long as you treat them well and pay them properly.

And some people do like cleaning, why not make money from it through private arrangements?

GettingObsessive · 30/04/2013 20:13

Also none of this takes account of the fact that I don't want to clean my house and I am lucky enough to be able to pay someone else to do it for me.

I pay for all sorts of other services I want - like hairdressing, cooking meals, coffee out. I could cut my own hair, always eat at home and drink instant. But I don't want to.

NumericalMum · 30/04/2013 20:17

Same as GettingObsessive

And I pay my cleaner £10 an hour. For a non skilled job. She supports her son and mother. Should I tell her I need to clean my own house because some ridiculous stranger on the Internet says it is morally wrong?

I work 40 hours a week and have a 5 year old. Weekends are for her. And if it took a few minutes why am I paying her for 5 hours a week? She has made my life much better and I have enabled her to support her son after her boyfriend left. Win win really!

TheNewson · 30/04/2013 20:18

God I wish she'd clean my place too. It's a right mess! Fair play to your friend.

Raspberrysorbet · 30/04/2013 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yonionekanobe · 30/04/2013 20:22

I work a long week in a job I love and am good at. It is not a job that I can down tools at a certain point and let someone take over I hate cleaning and my cleaner does an excellent job, is always very cheerful and buys DD little gifts which make me think that she is not traumatised by cleaning our house.

I also pay for someone (well some people - a nursery) to look after DD whilst I work. A far more 'intimate' in which literally involves dealing with my daughter's poo. Maybe that is unreasonable too Hmm

thermalsinapril · 30/04/2013 20:26

I'd much rather be a cleaner than some of the jobs mentioned on here. For example I wouldn't enjoy hairdressing as there's so much small talk with customers and colleagues, whereas a cleaner can just listen to her iPod while she works. I'd rather clean houses than be a window cleaner, as I don't particularly want to work up a ladder outdoors. And I'd prefer to be a cleaner than have a very pressurised office job, no matter how well paid.

thermalsinapril · 30/04/2013 20:27

lessons 5&6 on a Friday with bottom set Y10

I'd sooner pay to not be a teacher, having tried it Grin

Raspberrysorbet · 30/04/2013 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GettingObsessive · 30/04/2013 20:32

I also wonder if the OP has thought about all the cleaners that would be, presumably, joining the dole queue if we didn't employ them?

merrymouse · 30/04/2013 20:41

Can't believe that the people who are anti-cleaner have really thought it through.

Unless you have a housekeeper and maybe a couple of maids, you still need to clear up after yourself if you want to live in a clean and tidy house.

Yes cleaners may have to deal with things that many consider slightly distasteful, but so do most health professionals, people who look after children and beauticians.

I think this attitude comes from an underlying cultural expectation that good woman=good housekeeper.

ShadowStorm · 30/04/2013 21:03

Incidentally, re. window cleaners and working up ladders - the window cleaner my neighbours use doesn't have a ladder. He has a sort of extension pole, with a brush at one end, water going in the other end, so that he can wash their upstairs windows without ever taking his feet off the solid ground.

So a fear of heights doesn't necessarily have to stop anyone from being a window cleaner.

ComposHat · 30/04/2013 21:11

I feel bad I allowed a surgeon to remove my appendix when I should have just got a bread knife, borrowed a copy of Grey's anatomy and delved in with a carving knife.

squoosh · 30/04/2013 21:15

You disgust me ComposHat, who do you think you are with your fancy anaesthetics and surgeons, Elton John?

KristinaM · 30/04/2013 21:19

Me too, compos hat, dontcha know that most surgeons are white men and they are an oppressed Minority who are exploited by people like you

Portofino · 30/04/2013 21:23

Lordy this is still going. People want to get someone else to clean their house. People want to earn money by doing cleaning for others. As long as those people agree on a decent payment and don't try to take the piss then it is a win win situation for all, surely. Morals and class don't enter into it.

ComposHat · 30/04/2013 21:24

I know, I'm not proud, I realise some senior surgeon are second homeless and are struggling to earn 100k a year.

GettingObsessive · 30/04/2013 21:29

And a lot of them were privately educated and/or went to Oxbridge. How are they supposed to overcome that sort of hurdle early in life?

Hmm? Hmm?