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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think "requesting" vouchers on a child's party invite is the height of RUDENESS

70 replies

mamma12 · 28/04/2013 21:43

invitation reads NO PRESENTS PLEASE ONLY VOUCHERS FROM (a particular shop) maybe I' old fashioned but surely this is quite grabby and rude. I don't understand how, even if you want vouchers from a particular shop, you would be that un-self-aware you wouldn't think this comes accross as overdemanding. Also it means I can grt some old reduced tat for a fiver er herm takes the pleasure out of a child opening a present. Maybe its just me. To put things into context this mum also bans all christmas presents but asks for contributions to her child's ISA account. sigh. I don't think IBU to find this so annoying I want to spontaniously combust midly irritating

OP posts:

HerRoyalNotness · 29/04/2013 02:20

I LoVE that idea and happily would give vouchers or contribute to an iSA or pay towards a painting for an engagement. I see this as smart consumerism. But then I am from the colonies, so new world and vulgar. Oh well.

MidniteScribbler · 29/04/2013 03:53

Don't worry HardWorkerFool. With that attitude you won't have to worry about getting too many unsuitable presents. Of course, you won't have to worry about guests either.

MummaBubba123 · 29/04/2013 05:22

Penny pot?! I can't believe it! Maybe they were trying to cover the cost of the party! Incredible!

BookieMonster · 29/04/2013 05:29

I wouldn't be that bothered, tbh. If the child was building up a Playmobil set, for example, combined vouchers would mean they would be getting something they really wanted but would be far too expensive for someone to buy them individually. Surely this is much less wasteful than some plastic tat that lies around the house gathering dust?

I've started giving DS's friends a voucher for our local toy store because they're all into Lego but I don't know what they do and don't have. Plus they get the added excitement of going to the toy shop and choosing!

changeforthebetter · 29/04/2013 06:30

hmm! dds have a skipful of tat from birthdays. parents like me can't afford more than a fiver per present so the choice is not brilliant. it does seem a bit grabby though. my dcs love the pile of pressies thing. you can't pile up vouchers. id be inclined to keep that request to family I think.

exoticfruits · 29/04/2013 06:39

If you have huge whole class parties it would be sensible just to ask for no presents at all.

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 29/04/2013 06:39

Hardworkernotafool

Your attitude is bizarre. And you can strike through whole sentences in one go. Reading your painstakingly individually stricken through posts makes me boggle even more at your strength of feeling on the issue. You believe it is rude for people to buy presents when you throw a party for your child? If you dislike the convention why bother having a party? Really.

Bowlersarm · 29/04/2013 06:55

Wouldn't bother me at all. It would make my life easier and I would like to know child was getting something s/he would like rather than something which may be used once and never again. I wouldn't have the nerve myself, but wouldn't mind someone else doing it.

HardWorkerNotAFool · 29/04/2013 07:16

Don't see how it's bizarre. Where I am from, you hold a party to celebrate with people. Given how poor most people are, they understand the value of not creating any more waste than is necessary. They know, for example, that if they give money, it's a way for the family to get what they need, be that a toy or (in more extreme cases) to pay for their next bill/meal.

It's not rude to buy presents. What is rude (as someone else pointed out) is the idea that you know best what the celebrant needs, even if they have clearly pointed out otherwise. I could understand being offended at someone requesting, "vouchers in no less than £10.00 units" as they are pre-supposing what others can afford, and THAT would be rude. But plainly requesting cash or vouchers - no idea how people can see that as rude.

Plus, I like striking through my posts - don't see how that's an issue either - it's my favourite formatting tool and makes me happy

JambalayaCodfishPie · 29/04/2013 07:23

That is very rude. Badly worded.

However, vouchers have their place. My DB is in the RAF and rarely home. He got DD2 Next Vouchers for Xmas and Birthday because he can get them anywhere. I love it because I can get all her clothes in that age range, in one shop with the amount he gives.

He gives DD1 theatre tickets, again because he can buy them wherever he is in the world, and she's a theatre nut.

He's never anywhere he could get toys. They have enough toys anyway!

SneezySnatcher · 29/04/2013 07:42

Rude and grabby. I wouldn't dream of doing this for school friends. I know lots of people who have a 'stash' of toys ready for parties, so they wouldn't be able to use these. Plus, I think that knowing how much an acquaintance has spent on a present is a bit tacky.

However, for DD's birthday this year, we decided to buy a wooden climbing frame. We mentioned to our close family members that this was what we were doing and most of them contributed to that instead of getting individual gifts. She got so much for Christmas that she really didn't need fifty more toys. If anyone hadn't offered to contribute then, of course, they wouldn't have needed to.

TBH it worked fantastically well and I'd consider doing it again to reduce waste.

mrsjay · 29/04/2013 09:59

the reason it bothers people so much is that a school friend well parents has to spend a specific amount on a voucher for the birthday child, that can be costly i there is a few parties through out the year

Sommink · 29/04/2013 10:00

I don't see this as rude, maybe the child really wants something and the parent really couldn't afford to get it alone, so with contributions the child will get the item they really want. My dd really wanted a trampoline for her birthday. With all the will in the world I couldn't afford it so all her relatives gave her money towards it, she got her trampoline and I didn't feel like a rubbish mum.

Maybe the invitation was worded badly and could have had a little more detail about why they wanted the vouchers, but I'd of happily accepted a voucher for a pound or two, or am happy with a child just turning up with no present/money at all.

Choccywoccydodah · 29/04/2013 10:02

YANBU, I would have asked you to bring a bottle :)

mrsjay · 29/04/2013 10:03

TBH i think asking for money is a little bit better than asking for vouchers

Squarepebbles · 29/04/2013 10:12

Utterly dreadful.

Firstly I doubt they do vouchers for the little I spend on party presents.

Secondly I hate those big stores and would hate to support any of them.I like to give quality presents not plastic tat.

Thirdly I don't think chidren should recieve vast amounts of vouchers to go toy shopping with.

Fourthly I like my dc to appreciate anything they've been given(dc still talk about little things people have given them),vouchers are too anonymous.

Finally it's consumerism gone mad,very sad and my dc wouldn't be going to said party.

DorisIsWaiting · 29/04/2013 10:37

I would completely ignore such a rude request.

I can only afford to buy gifts when they are on offer. I do not wish to share with every school gate mum how much (little) I spend (they may know but I do not want to make it obvious).

Guests at a party normally give a gift.

(I would however have no problem in asking family (dsis's) for contributions to something big for my dc's or return the favour for their dc's but I regard that as a completely different relationship).

Sokmonsta · 29/04/2013 11:00

Are they a relative or a dc's school friend? If the latter, they are rude. I budget for school parties and usually get something half price for that, so the gift is double the value I budget.

If family, in the past I would perhaps have said grabby. But, we have dts who have just turned a year. We have toys coming out of our ears as we also have two older dc and there's been plenty of life left in their baby toys.

For their birthday, when we were asked what we wanted for the babies we said we were planning on getting a bike trailer and helmets for them and would appreciate contributions towards that.

We set up a card in the bike shop so people could pop in and put money down if they wanted and we made up the difference. We know who contributed but we asked not to know how much so no one was embarrassed.

As it happens my parents and sister ignored that suggestion completely and bought other things inc toys. We didn't mind at all because as far as I'm concerned, it's only a suggestion when we asked. I prefer people think for themselves of something the dc's would like. It's just given me an incentive to cull some of the older toys.

DoJo · 29/04/2013 11:22

I'm not sure, but I have never seen any invitation reports which state that presents other than cash/vouchers will be refused. Surely this is just a suggestion too, of something that their child will want? When my family have asked what our son needs, I have told them that he doesn't really need anything, but that we are building up a library for when he's older and a savings account for when he's older still so if they want to contribute to that then it's much appreciated. I would rather do this for friends' children as well, either vouchers for a toy they are really hankering after or knowing that in the future when they buy their first car or similar with their savings, that I helped a little bit. I can understand wanting to save money by giving presents bought on sale, but surely you can still do that even if vouchers are suggested - has anyone tried and been given short shrift? Or just not take a gift - they aren't compulsory and I'm sure most parents and children wouldn't even notice (I'm sure I wouldn't!). Perhaps it's all in the wording...

pigletmania · 29/04/2013 15:57

Yanbu rude and grabby

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