to think "requesting" vouchers on a child's party invite is the height of RUDENESS

[mamma12]

invitation reads NO PRESENTS PLEASE ONLY VOUCHERS FROM (a particular shop) maybe I' old fashioned but surely this is quite grabby and rude. I don't understand how, even if you want vouchers from a particular shop, you would be that un-self-aware you wouldn't think this comes accross as overdemanding. Also it means I can grt some old reduced tat for a fiver er herm takes the pleasure out of a child opening a present. Maybe its just me. To put things into context this mum also bans all christmas presents but asks for contributions to her child's ISA account. sigh. I don't think IBU to find this so annoying I want to spontaniously combust midly irritating

Really wouldn't bother me.
In fact it would make life easier.
I can't work up the outrage that you get on threads like this.

it wouldn't bother me, but the thing about the ISA is making me laugh for some reason. Odd.

We did it the other way round. Knowing that DS was likely to get a pile of presents from friends who came to his party, we asked family to get him vouchers if they were happy to do that. DS had loads of things to open and he has vouchers that we can spend later in the year (January birthday so a long wait until Christmas otherwise).

I wouldn't dream of asking school friends for vouchers, it just doesn't feel right. Also, as a PP mentioned, DS got lots of surprises from friends and also things that we would never have thought to get him. Yes, there were a few 'duplicates' that we have re-gifted but seeing the pleasure that a small boy got opening all of his presents was priceless.

I'd just give them whatever you were going to in the first place. The best thing you can do with rudeness is ignore it.

Sheesh, you all need to fuck off! YABU (so am I by my vitriol, but I don't care!). Honestly, ever thought that the reason they ask for vouchers is so their kid can actually (save to) get something they really do want rather than the umpteenth gift (cheap or expensive) that will sit in a corner gathering dust? Just shows how bloody loony some of you are - you care more about your fucking imagined 'principles' than respecting the fact that a parent knows best and is well within their rights to tell you what their child wants/needs. If you feel so strongly about it, don't take a gift at all!

I have, on numerous occasions, told people not to bring presents at all for my DC's birthday party, and their engaging company was all that was required. I have too little room in my house and didn't want to fill it further with stuff DC already had/didn't want or need. Obviously, some stubborn kind souls insisted on bringing along unwanted/unrequested pieces of plastic tat heaven - I smiled and graciously took it whilst inwardly thinking, FFS, I really want to dump it in the middle of your living room! Ungrateful? How can you be ungrateful to people who blatantly choose to disregard your entirely reasonable request? I figured out who was being rude and it certainly wasn't me.

And don't tell me I could have eBayed the items afterwards - I'd then be spending my time and money listing and trying to sell the offending tat well-thought out toy to the next mug person - an item I didn't want in the first place!

And breathe!

For kids' parties, I just give them money now - much rather it was used for something the celebrant/family wants or needs rather than what I think/believe they should have. Where I was born/brought up, I used to get money as a kid and remember the anticipation of putting aside money for a much wanted toy/book - it taught me the value of money and the concept of saving, and I STILL got a gift at the end. And thank-you cards were completely unheard of, but that's a whole other conversation ...

I give money. I would never ask for vouchers though.
Or anything. Very rude.

Ok, outburst above = not necessary. Clearly, I feel way too strongly about this plus raging at the fact my earlier grocery delivery substituted my favourite ice-cream!

I think it's rude to ask or expect.

If a mum says "does Alfie want anything?" You say. But you DON'T ASK FOR MONEY

I think I must be missing a gene sometimes, as this stuff just doesn't bother me.

If I received a request for a voucher for a specific shop, I'd just be bloody grateful that I didn't have to a) think about what to buy, and b) have to go and buy it.

I really don't see it as rude, I'd just assume the birthday person was saving for something specific and be more than happy to go along with it.

I'd rather give a gift that was useful and wanted by the recipient

Ignorant cow. Trying to make money off your child is rude. And kids love opening stuff even if it only costs a quid

Give him/her a hand blender (a fiver from Asda) or possibly a bottle of cheap wine (£3.49 from Lidl)

I think its rude because people bargain hunt for presents, two for one offers, sales etc. Its amazing what you can pick up for a fiver or less if you always keep your eye out. I stock pile presents when I see a bargain, I don't know who will have them when I actually get them, but overall I spend a minimal amount on party presents. But when you are asked to buy vouchers it feels embarrassing to give a voucher for three or four quid. (the amount you would spend as a bargain hunter). So you end up spending more. And thats why I think its rude.

yanbu. totally the height of rudeness and grabbiness to ask for anything on ANY invitation, party, engagement, wedding etc

YABU, I don't see the problem.

Paaaah! In their dreams. YANBU and you know YAN.

The whole thing about people not knowing how much the gift cost is rubbish in this day and age. A lot of the time, it's easy enough to search for those that can be bothered and get a good idea (sales or not).

TheChaoGoesMu, for that reason alone, you need to question why a voucher of a few quid embarrasses you if that's all you can afford/want to spend. You would be much better off using the time you spend bargain-hunting to bolster your self-esteem, rather than using your lack of it to accuse others of being rude.

Someone once gave my DCs gifts of 50p each - she wanted so much to treat them but was having a shitty tough month. DC took it in the spirit it was intended and promptly used it for their next few 10p packs of Haribo. Winners all round! For those who may be less gracious, why would you buy them presents in the first place, let alone care about what they think?

Nope, sorry, completely disagree with you. My self esteem is just fine thank you. But asking for money or vouchers is a little vulgar
Far more polite to ask for nothing at all rather than do that.

hth.

You said it was "embarrassing to give a voucher for three or four quid" and that you (would) "end up spending more". Far more sensible and less shallow to give what you can afford without shame than set store by what others think/know about your well-earned finances. It's a crying shame that the latter factors into any decision about what to gift others.

I'd feel embarrassed about giving money or vouchers because then it's obvious how much you've given and the birthday child's parents will see what each person has given, who has given more or less, so parents may feel uncomfortable about how much they can afford or should give. I'd far rather give a small present.

I've never asked for presents or anything else on a child's birthday invitation. But we always had parties for around 10-12 children so we also weren't deluged in 40 presents. As ds got older he did start to get shop vouchers or book vouchers instead but by then he was just having 3 or 4 friends to celebrate his birthday.

Well, we will have to agree to disagree then. Personally, I like buying presents, and I also love getting a great present for a bargain price. I don't think people should be pushed in to a corner where they have to give the cash instead. Regardless of what you think, its the height of bad manners to do that. I guess you are one of those people who asks for cash / vouchers instead of presents. Have you ever considered just asking for nothing at all as a rather nice alternative?

There is a difference between:

1. "Personally, I like buying presents, and I also love getting a great present for a bargain price";

and

1. "when you are asked to buy vouchers it feels embarrassing to give a voucher for three or four quid. (the amount you would spend as a bargain hunter). So you end up spending more."

No one has to give anything they don't want to - feeling like you have to is less to do with the requester than your own expectations of what you should or should not do. I simply quoted what you wrote back at you, but happy to agree to disagree even if you are choosing to ignore what you wrote/admitted to.

Re: guessing I am one of those people who asks for cash/vouchers instead of presents, feel free to read my first post of Sun 28-Apr-13 22:40:42 above.

A great present is one that is wanted/appreciated and cash/vouchers are a much better (and less constraining) gift. I would, in all but a few circumstances, prefer that to a "present" that serves to reinforce alleviate a person's undeserved sense of inferiority or makes them supposedly feel thrilled at their canny shopping whilst choosing to ignore a perfectly reasonable request that's easily fulfilled - in both circumstances, the giver is focusing the attention on themselves and how they feel instead of the person who matters most - the recipient. Tells me all I need to know about who the crass one is, even if they try to hide it by accusing others of vulgarity ...

I think points 1 and 2 do go hand in hand. You obviously spend a lot of time overthinking this. Just looked at your post from 22.40. I still don't agree with you. You need to calm yourself, its not good for your health.
Hth.

You said, "I guess you are one of those people who asks for cash / vouchers instead of presents. Have you ever considered just asking for nothing at all as a rather nice alternative?" Was just trying to point out that is precisely what I do. It would appear to be an approach you agree with, so I guess (in that respect) we can agree to agree.

I just thought it rather sad and self-centred that you clearly care so much about what other people think about your finances when you are trying to do something nice in the first place. Crying shame, but there you go. But if being passive-aggressive helps your self-esteem, be my guest - I'm all about making others happy, me ... preferably with cash

Oh well, still don't agree with you, but enjoy your cash. Maybe buy yourself something special with it.

Would it be ok if the invite said 'no present required but little timmy is saving up for the megasupersoakermountedtankandgrenadeset from toysRus and any vouchers would be welcome'? so that you can see that there is a specific goal in mind?

I'm another one who can't get worked up about this (or cash/vouchers for wedding presents either).

Let's face it - if you ask a child what they want for their birthday and they say "I'd like some money/vouchers because I'm saving up for X" would you then just say "How grabby - here have something I have bought for you because I know better than you what you should have" ? Would you really?

So what's the difference if the parent does that instead? They know what their child has, probably know what the child wants, and may not have space for numerous presents.

I try to persuade people NOT to bring presents AT ALL for DS1's birthday - I can't be doing with the overindulgence, and people here tend to spend far too much on birthday presents - but it never works. If anyone asks what he likes, I'll suggest something tiny but it still never works and we end up with doubles, or inappropriate gifts from some (8+ yo Nerf gun for a 5yo, for e.g.). I feel guilty about giving brand new gifts that friends have spent money on straight to a charity shop and wouldn't sell them on ebay - so we're stuck unless we can re-gift them (which doesn't sit well with me either, tbh).

I had to have a serious chat with my sister about her present-buying - she buys stuff SHE would like to receive, with no thought of the actual recipient's feelings. This is not generosity - generosity involves thinking about the recipient and what they would like - and if that happens to be money/vouchers, then so be it.

i hate the presents that the kids get at birthday parties, we just don't have a big house and they LOOM in a cupboard until such times as it rains, they get pulled out, and then they head to the charity shop. it's just more crap to churn.

if my real friends ask what they would like i tell them 'a fiver' and they are delighted to oblige, but i wouldn't dare asking other people, certainly not after reading this.

it is generally what the child wants, though.