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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think, that just because DH is doing something constructive, it doesn't mean I have to as well

47 replies

freddiefrog · 28/04/2013 14:13

DH is cutting the grass

I am sitting on my backside fiddling about on here

Lots of huffing and 'are you going to do anything today?' type comments from DH

I did all the housework yesterday so the house is tidy and the kids are happily occupied outside with their friends so there's nothing that needs my immediate attention

AIBU to think that because he's having a fit of domesticity, I don't need to join him?

I'm perfectly happy sitting here doing bugger all

OP posts:

BriansBrain · 28/04/2013 14:15

Same here. It's my day off Nd the sun is shining. He is mowing and I am sitting here. Yes I have dinner to prepare and washing to put away but I don't feel like it right now.

I'm ignoring the tutting

NigellaTufnel · 28/04/2013 14:16

No not at all

It's the Mums curse to feel guilty about this. But we don't count keeping life going smoothly (washing, wiping, planning, cleaning, homework supervision).

And some men seem to want a round of applause for doing anything.

Sit on your arse woman!

BlackeyedSusan · 28/04/2013 14:16

what did he do yesterday?

Midlifecrisisarefun · 28/04/2013 14:17

DH does this too, drives me nuts! Also, every 2 mins 'can you give me a hand?' Um, you started the job, I'm halfway through something else mning do it yourself!!

Original poster

freddiefrog · 28/04/2013 14:20

I'll cook a roast later, we eat at dinner at about 6 on Sundays, so I'll go and do some veg in a little while, and I need to sort the kids uniform out for tomorrow, but right now I can't be arsed.

Yesterday, he was out at some scout thing he volunteers at with the kids

He doesn't seem to like me doing nothing when he's busy

OP posts:

Pozzled · 28/04/2013 14:20

Depends what he did yesterday, can't decide until I know that.

GettingObsessive · 28/04/2013 14:22

Sigh. I have one a bit like this. He's got better since I got pregnant, but there used to be a lot of huffing and puffing. Trouble is, he's also a bit of a perfectionist control freak

McNewPants2013 · 28/04/2013 14:24

Hope you huff and puff while doing the things you need to do

Pozzled · 28/04/2013 14:25

Well I do understand how he feels. If he sees yesterday as something he had to do, then today it probably seems as though you are getting a 'day off' while he still has things to do. I know it's not really like that, though. What would he say if you reminded him that you'll be cooking dinner later? Does he ever sit down while you're doing jobs?

Original poster

freddiefrog · 28/04/2013 14:33

Of course he sits down while I do stuff

He'll sit on his backside while I cook dinner and sort out school uniform later. He was still in bed this morning when I cleaned the kitchen and loaded the dishwasher.

I just don't see that I have to be occupied constructively, just because he is.

OP posts:

5madthings · 28/04/2013 14:35

Yanbu op, my dp can try this on sometimes and gets short thrift from me!

Trill · 28/04/2013 14:56

YANBU.

As long as you both on average get the same amount of time to do as you please, you don't both need to be doing "something constructive" at the same time.

That said, if when he has finished his chores, you start doing your chores, you won't get any free time to do anything together.

Original poster

freddiefrog · 28/04/2013 15:20

We do get equal amounts of leisure time and we do do lots of stuff together

He's just decided that the grass must be cut today and that because he's doing that, we've all got to be rushing around doing something as well.

It didn't really need cutting today, it wasn't long and scruffy because I cut it last weekend

OP posts:

usualsuspect · 28/04/2013 15:21

YANBU, put your feet up and ignore him.

manticlimactic · 28/04/2013 15:22

Didn't you say to him 'Yes, I have done something today. You were fast asleep whilst I was doing something' ?

ihearsounds · 28/04/2013 15:49

Ignore him.
Later when you are doing x,y, and z start huffing and puffing at him. Ask him what he is going to do rather than sitting on his arse. The uniforms don't sort themselves. The diy doesn't do itself. There's millions of things he can be doing that's constructive.

ouryve · 28/04/2013 15:51

YANBU. DH has been doing little DIY jobs. I'm hormonal and sore so, apart form periodically feeding the washer, I'm MNing and snuggling DS2 who is busy collecting pawprints on his leapster. I have the toe of a sock to finish knitting, but I'll save that until this evening, when I've had a soak in the bath.

ouryve · 28/04/2013 15:53

Also, the boys can't be left alone for a minute, so one of us usually gets to put our feet up while the other potters.

Pozzled · 28/04/2013 15:54

Having read your latest post, he's being an idiot.

Maybe he's like me; I'm a lazy arse a bit of a procrastinator. I find it so much easier to get motivated if people around me are busy. If my DH is sitting down, I don't resent it, but I do find it harder to get things done. Before you flame me though, I know that this is completely my problem. I wouldn't expect my DH to do something just to change my mood iyswim.

Whatalotofpiffle · 28/04/2013 16:09

My dp does this and it drives me bonkers! He doesn't always do a lot then when he does the whole world has to join in so he isn't working alone ... And on these days he goes all hyper and wants to do everything on the never ending job list in one day, then gets disheartened when he can't manage it. I try telling him to spread it out throughout the week but he says no, he has to be in the 'zone'

Bollockd to the zone!

StuntGirl · 28/04/2013 16:13

My Dad is like this. Fuck 'em!

WinterWinds · 28/04/2013 16:23

Ha my dh is like this, It is not very often he will do stuff around the house but when he does, you will get a step by step account of exactly what he has done and he expects eternal gratitude for actually loading the dishwasher for once, or that he picked up all his clothes off the bedroom floor and put them away!!!!

He tries to make me feel guilty if I am sitting doing nothing at that particular moment. But he knows that he is being an arse so I just ignore.

TonkaToy · 28/04/2013 16:31

I could weep with relief that my dh husband isn't the only one who expects massive amounts of praise for anything he does, and I mean anything. He put managed to get 2 bikes in the car yesterday and we had a massive row cos apparently I wasn't effusive enough about how ingenious he was at managing to work the problem out!

I feel so much better now, I was beginning to think maybe I was a crap wife!

TonkaToy · 28/04/2013 16:32

btw YANBU!!

complexnumber · 28/04/2013 16:33

YA def NB

However: "Yesterday, he was out at some scout thing he volunteers at with the kids"

Volunteering for scounts is brilliant, for this I respect him.

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