To feel angry about maternity grants?

[HeffalumpTheFlump]

I am certified unfit to work due to health problems, but my partner works full time. Because my partner works for more than 24 hours a week (regardless of wage) I am no longer eligible for my employment and support allowance. This means no housing benefit or any other financial help, so things are really tight. Once rent, council tax and other bills are paid we have little to no disposable income. We recently found out im pregnant (very shocked as we had been v careful and I have PCOS), the timing isnt brilliant as we had really hoped I would be in better health, a better financial situation etc when we started a family. We are really struggling to find the money for the endless list of things needed for the baby, and so I looked to see if there was any help available. AIBU to be cross that the £500 maternity grant is only available to people if they are on benefits? I know people who are having a baby after being on jobseekers for years, never making any effort to find work and are now having the bulk of their baby things paid for by the benefits system. It seems unfair when my partner is working very long hours for a crappy wage, we are trying to get by on a single income due to my crappy health and there is no help whatsoever. AIBU?

Don't bother with a baby bath

You prob won't need a monitor if you are in a one bed flat.

As for a changing mat -again, just change baby on a towel.

Use normal towels.

It's worth not spending money on these items if you have a strict budget. Put the funds towards a new mattress/carseat/bottles and nappies and formula.

Let us know if it is a boy or a girl as there may well be people on here who can help. I was given quite a bit of stuff by friends and relatives. Do you have anyone around who is willing to give you stuff they don't need secondhand?

Ok, worth a try. Keep an eye on Freecycle, there's often baby items on there. My Moses basket was £3 on eBay but some do go for silly prices.

I think YABU but I do understand where you are coming from. The government can't afford to give every pregnant woman 500 quid at the end of the day.
Advertising to new parents is aimed at getting your hormonal pregnant self to feel that in order to be a good mum you must buy up half of mothercare. This is not necessary.

Cot - Ikea basic cot =less than £50.
Moses = not necessary but might be nice in the early weeks - see if you can borrow one for 3 months from a friend, if not I have seen them on sale for less than £30 in supermarkets/argos.
Pushchair = you don't need a fancy pants bugacandy space rocket system. Buy a second hand one on ebay and you will probably get a great bargain.
Baby clothes - bundles get sold on ebay for very low prices. Supermarkets sell v. cheap baby essentials.You don't need lots of fancy outfits - a new baby is fine in a vest and sleepsuit plus cardigan if cold
Change bag - boots will give you one for free
Nappies - if you are doing disposable then no need to stock pile in advance. Buy a few packs of newborn nappies and then just buy them as you go when they are on special offer. They are regularly on offer in the supermarkets. Aldi and Asda nappies are good value for money.
Same with wipes
Changing mat - fiver in a supermarket
Baby towels - not necessary. Use ordinary towels. Buy baby ones if you can afford them.
Monitor - ebay - an analogue is fine, you don't need some fancy baby cctv digi video £100 system.
Baby bath - useless waste of space if you have a small home. Get baby bath support for less than a tenner and put it in the ordinary bath.

Some great advice here, one thing I would add is you don't need to buy everything before the baby is born. Get the things you will need for the first week or so. You can always go and buy things after as and when you need them. For instance you may find you don't need a breast pump and sterilising kit or a monitor so this would be a waste of money, then again you might find you really need these things, if you do you can go out and buy them. If I were you I would put the money away for the things you think you will need and then buy them after the baby is born as and when you need it. Once you have had the baby i bet you will find people offering you things and you may get gifts and money too.

Where are you op?

I got everything second hand for dc4. Inc breast pump!

Happy to pass stuff on if you are nearby.

Please start by asking friends if they have any baby things they don't need any more. Loads of us are perfectly happy just to see things used, or pass on the favour of things being given to us when we needed them.

When we had DD we concentrated on

*somewhere to sleep:
Options are:
Cheapest - co-sleep with you, if safe (google safe co-sleeping for up to date advice)
Middle - travel cot. Can be bought new (on sale) or second hand for around £20. Disadvantage is you have to reach down low to get baby out and mattress very thin.
Middleish - cot. Lots on eBay at £50ish and friends with toddlers will be keen to get rid of theirs (maybe for free). You need a mattress too. Cheapest new option is from IKEA. Cot for £35 and mattress is £15.
Expensive - Moses basket for first few months and then cot as well.
For everything bar co-sleeping you will need sheets - a normal single sheet cut up and hemmed will make 4 sheets which should be plenty.
Blankets a couple of small flat sheets (again you can make these) and 2 cellular blankets is all you need. A MW will teach you how to swaddle with them after the birth. A more expensive option is gro-bags, practical but not essential - your baby will be too young to use them straight away anyway.

*Something for the baby to be carted around in.
If you have a car you'll need a Car Seat. 2nd hand is fine as long as you know the person giving/selling to you and that it's not been in an accident.
Then either a sling or a pushchair. Their are separate topics for them on MN and the posters there will be able to point you towards your cheapest suitable from birth options.
With pushchairs I'd start by looking at lie-flat umbrella folds. Car boot sales are brilliant for prams. Especially because they're on grass so you can tell what they're like to push!
I understand you can make a sling with jersey fabric as well?

*Something for baby to eat:
Breast feeding is obviously free, stick with it if you can. You will need nursing bras, or bras that are soft structured enough you can pop a boob out comfortably.
Breastpads - get a couple of packs of washable ones from boots and start chucking them through your washing machine a few times before birth to improve their absorbancy.
If you'll be using formula try the cheapest brand first because you can't get any discounts/offers on it. The own brand bottles and teats will be fine.

*something for baby to wear, concentrate on babygros and vests so you can double up if it's cold. Ask knitting rellies for cardigans, hats, booties - check charity shops and boot sales for these too.

*for you/birth:
Maternity pads. 4/5 packs, can probably switch to basics sanitary towels after that.
Clothes - use a hair bobble twisted around the button hole at the top of your trousersand looped around the button to make them last longer, then elasticated waists. If you aren't too worried about looks, try big sizes of men's clothes in primark or wherever.

*Baby care:
Don't buy sudocrem they'll be a free pot in your bounty pack after the birth.
You don't need any other toiletries to wash a baby, just warm water and a flannel.
A sculpted baby support that can go in your bath is really handy, but you can also hold them and wash them in a sink (ask the MW to show you how) or get in the bath with them.
Nappies, reusable are cheapest long term if you can buy second hand in bundles. As far as disposables go the most basic brands are absolutely fine. Aldi's are highly recommended iirc. Take a calculator with you to the supermarket so you can compare prices.
For wipes, you cheapest option is flannels and warm water. They can be washed like reusable nappies in the machine. Otherwise look out for bulk buying discounts.
Muslins - basically handy for catching sick. Go to a fabric shop, buy a meter, cut and trim yourself. Could look for them 2nd hand also.

hope that cuts your list down a bit.

Oh and dont waste money on a pram which they will grow out of in a few months. I bought one of those 3 in 1 expensive pram things and it was a pain in the arse! So heavy and difficult to manoeuvre. Fortunately it broke so I took it back and got a Maclaren for less than half the price, it had a lie back function so fine for a newborn, was light weight and lasted until he began to walk.

Right this is what I bought for dd2 (most recent addition and had nothing left from other 2)

(travel) cot (because she has a clubfoot and has a foot brace that would destroy a wooden cot but you could get a normal one. Also I didn't buy this til she was born and she slept in the pram for the first few days)

bottles- mine are from MAM and are self sterilising (you can sterlilise them individually in the microwave, I have 3 bottles and tbh that is more than enough as they sterilise in 3 mins) they cost me about £5 each. Also bought formula as I am on meds thats are not suitable for bfeeding but you could buy this once baby is born if you need it.

clothing- I bought a huge box of newborn clothing off fb for £10 and that had enough to last til she was out of nb. I knew she would be small though so I would actually advise you to only buy a few newborn bits until after the baby is born as it may well be a big baby and need 0-3m clothing v quickly.

pram- I got my pram in pristine condition for £50 with a carry cot etc from fb, but ebay has heaps of bargains too and gumtree.

nappies and toiletries- I use reuseables but I know that sposies are v cheap if you buy own brand ones. Toiletries I got were wipes and baby bath. Baby bath is fine to wash the baby in too. You could use your boots points or tesco points to buy these kinds of things.

blankets two of them from primark, cost £3 each.

Think thats basically all. If I think of anything else I will add it

X-post, okay your list:

Cheap storage - chest of drawers from second hand furniture charity shop will be around £10.
Cot, mattress and bedding, blankets etc - as my other post.
Pram - as my other post.
Clothes - as my other post.
Breast pump + Bottles, sterilising stuff - get after birth if you need them.
Nappies and other practicals - as above
Changing bag - just use a normal bag/handbag
Baby bath - as my other post.

Your extras list you don't need any of.

A baby medical kit would be calpol/calprofen (you can get own brands, and sometimes on prescription from GPs which means they'll be free) and a thermometer. But you can get them all after the birth, you won't need them straight away so leave it until you are a bit more sorted financially.

Sorry heffalump i'm east lancs too.

It would be worth joining the NCT (£30 annually) to get early entry at any local nearly new sales - you can save many times that amount on kitting out the baby from sales.

Did you see ProfYaffles post about going to the CAB to see if you might be entitled to DLA/PIP?

If you go to an NHS supported breastfeeding support group (ours was at the sure start centre( then they will often give you a breast pump for free if you need to express. I was given a brand new medela hand pump by them as were all the others in my group at the time.

You may well also be entitled to housing benefit once you have had your baby if your dh is on a low ish income it doesn't have to be that low to get part housing benefit also help with council tax

As for breast pump, you don't need to buy in advance. If you end up formula feeding you will have wasted your money. You are unlikely to need a pump in the first couple of weeks. I started out with an Avent manual pump and it was fine -I got it half price. i did end up going electric eventually but i bought off ebay for that.

Don't buy a massive steriliser. Buy some milton fluid and make sure you have a suitable tupperware container. If you breastfeed you will not need a steriliser and a bit of milton to put the odd item in will be sufficient. If you end up formula feeding you can always buy a microwave steriliser later on. I bought a microwave steriliser in advance and it is a big thing that takes up space and rarely gets used. Cold water sterilising is cheap and easy no matter how you feed.

Muslin cloths are handy but you don't need dozens of them. Supermarkets sell them for about a pound each in packs of 3. I'd say more than 3 packs would be a bit overkill.

Healthcare kit totally not required. Make sure you have a thermometer in the house. You won't need calpol until baby is at least 2 months old anyway.

I'd say don't buy too much at the newborn size (clothes or nappies) until baby is born and you know how big he is.
I stockpiled too many newborn nappies and ended up giving them away as DS grew out of them within a few weeks.

I would definitely contact the council / CAB or similar for a benefits check. I do sympathise, it is hard to be unexpectedly pregnant and feel you can't provide the baby with everything advertisers tell you they need, but babies are very cheap for the first year or so really, especially if you are able to breastfeed.

you will get child benefit and tax credits once baby arrives so that should help you pick up bits you need from then on.

you don't need a change bag, any bag will do. hell even a carrier bag would do at a push. I was given a change bag but it was a complete pain, I've switched and use a rucksack now.

hunt on freecycle and also net mums for cheap / free stuff if there aren't nearly new sales near to you. I know its so hard to feel you aren't giving you baby brand new super dooper everything, but honestly they won't mind as long as they have lots of cuddles. DS is two now and his favourite clothes are the ones with a story (E.g. your cousin X used to wear this, your uncle X used to wear this (yes even 20 year old clothes worked fine ).

see if friends / family can dig stuff out for you. my mum had saved the crib and cot from when we were babies. I found cheap new mattresses (which could be made to any size, so good for old furniture) at babymattressesonline.co.uk

if you are in a tiny flat, save accumulating stuff until you need it. but that said, its worth keeping an eye on netmums/ freecycle/ gum tree / ebay so you can spot bargains when you find one.

oh just seen your other post, you won't need a baby monitor in a one bed flat so that's one big expense you can ignore.

I have a brand new hand held breast pump the HV gave me (I used an electric one cos I'm lazy).
Also got some re-usable nappies that I gave up on after a couple of months.
Will happily send them if you want.

I have a sling and a bouncer you can have plus enough unisex newborn + 0-3 to do triplets

Pm if your interested and I will find out how much to post.

Go to cab

Oh, and if you use disposable nappies, own brand ones are brilliant. We haven't had any leaks with Sainsbury's Little Ones and Huggies and Pampers leaked all the time.

Thank you all so much for ur fantastic advice. You have all helped with money saving ideas, and i feel less like a failure that we cant afford all the stuff we are brainwashed into thinking is essential! I am waiting to hear from a couple of mummy friends to see what they have that they no longer want and will be going to car boot sales etc to have a good hunt once we know baby's sex. Like i said i will be going to the CAB for some advice too. I'm in Essex by the way. Thanks again, I really appreciate the advice!