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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not feel guilty at all about not giving my friend a lift?

67 replies

DaisyDukeShorts · 26/04/2013 18:52

A friend who as soon as she got a boyfriend I never saw again, and when she had a baby I saw even less of her.

A friend who when I do rarely see never once asks about me. (I'm not asking for hours upon hours of talking about my life, but a general how are you? would be nice)

So when a friend invites us all to dinner at her house next week to celebrate a new job promotion and said friend sends a FB message out to all of us going asking for one of us to drive her there and back and I and seemingly everyone else ignores it.

Aibu to not feel guilty in the slightest?

OP posts:
SkinnybitchWannabe · 26/04/2013 18:54

Not at all.
She can get her OH to take her.

Sparkletastic · 26/04/2013 18:55

YANBU

IsItMeOr · 26/04/2013 18:57

YABU to call her a friend - you clearly don't like her.

mrsjay · 26/04/2013 18:57

nope if she says anything say oh I didnt see the message

Original poster
DaisyDukeShorts · 26/04/2013 18:59

IsItMeOr

I used to consider her as one of my best friends, and then I realised how disposable I was to her Sad

OP posts:
diddl · 26/04/2013 19:04

The being dumped for a boyfriend is annoying.

But being busy due to a family is acceptable!

Still, I guess if no one likes her enough to take her, that's saying something.

But it's letting down the friend who has invited her & wants her there.

OHforDUCKScake · 26/04/2013 19:05

"I never saw her again."

Except you did, didnt you? Because you followed that with "seeing her less" when the baby was born.

Its perfectly normal to see friends a bit less when a new relationship begins.
And totally understandable that they are around far less when a baby comes along.

Seems to me the only thing she is guilty of is being a but wrapped up in her own life when you meet because she forgets to ask how you are.

Can I assume OP, that you have no children?

Original poster
DaisyDukeShorts · 26/04/2013 19:09

No it's not that at all.

I get on with my life and let her get on with her. She makes no effort so I stopped making effort too. Friendship is not a one way thing.

I have other friends where the effort is on both sides. That's why I don't see why I should have to ferry her around, when I've done it so many times before.

OP posts:
Original poster
DaisyDukeShorts · 26/04/2013 19:10

But it's letting down the friend who has invited her & wants her there.

If my friend is that let down then she could always pick her up.

OP posts:
OHforDUCKScake · 26/04/2013 19:20

Theres a huge difference between being understandably wrapped up in family life and 'making no effort.'

Shes trying to make effort to go to this meet and you're making it harder for her to go.

Can you not see the irony?

Original poster
DaisyDukeShorts · 26/04/2013 19:25

No I don't see the irony. It's not my job to ferry a person around and go an hour out of my way for someone who makes no effort at all.

She stopped making effort way before she had a baby.

OP posts:
OHforDUCKScake · 26/04/2013 19:28

If she 'wasnt making effort' she wouldnt be trying to get to her friends gathering!!

You have no children.

Original poster
DaisyDukeShorts · 26/04/2013 19:29

And I think it says a lot that 8 people have seen the message (on FB you know who has read the message) and everyone has ignored it.

Having a baby doesn't give you an excuse to be rude and selfish.

OP posts:
OHforDUCKScake · 26/04/2013 19:31

So she is rude now too?

Original poster
DaisyDukeShorts · 26/04/2013 19:32

I do have a child - I wouldn't join MN without a child, unless I was trying for one or was a step parent.

I obviously understand your time is limited when you have a child. But I have gone out of my way to do things for her and it's never reciprocated.

Her partner has a car, his mum also lives with them. She is not stranded.

OP posts:
Hassled · 26/04/2013 19:36

If it's an hour out of your way then you're not at all unreasonable. If she was just down the road then you might be, a bit.

If all 8 people have ignored her it's going to be an excruciating dinner, isn't it?

thefirstmrsrochester · 26/04/2013 19:37

why does your (former) friend feel that its upto someone else to ferry her about?
hurt feelings aside, I still think she IBU.

QuintessentialOHara · 26/04/2013 19:39

She is not making an effort. She is asking the other guests to make an extra effort for her.

OHforDUCKScake · 26/04/2013 19:41

Did she really use the words "I want someone to drive me there and back."

Or did she say "Can I catch a lift if anyones driving?"

Big difference.

Either way, you clearly do not like her, shes obviously not your friend so if shes as bad as you make out then cut her off because she wont notice, will she?

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 26/04/2013 19:42

YANBU I wouldn't offer either.

OHforDUCKScake · 26/04/2013 19:42

She IS making an effort. Not making and effort is - "Sorry Im not coming."

resists urge to ask OP her age

expatinscotland · 26/04/2013 19:43

Why is it someone else's responsibility to get her there and back? At a dinner I'd want to drink wine leisurely. I never drink and drive, so I'd make arrangements to get there some other way under my own steam/pound.

BOF · 26/04/2013 19:43

You aren't close to her any more, you don't feel she would put herself out for you, you don't fancy giving her a lift, so don't, that's fine.

There's a huge thread about cheeky fuckers which went into Classics this week, in which everybody extolled the virtues of being able to say no and not be railroaded into doing favours you don't want. I'm not sure why that gets flipped on its head when the issue is posed in a slightly different way. Because its AIBU, I suppose, and people like to be contrary.

expatinscotland · 26/04/2013 19:44

I can't believe peoples' first thought is to get someone else to take them rather than, 'What bus/taxi can I get.'

OHforDUCKScake · 26/04/2013 19:49

Really? If a whole bunch of people were going, your supposed friends, and a few of them were driving you wouldnt think to go with them too? You'd rather pay for a taxi?

Thank goodness I have nice friends. Confused