to ask why helping your children financially is looked upon so disdainfully? (thread about THAT inheritance thread)

[EuroShopperEnergyDrink]

*(Now, I certainly don't agree with allowing the public purse to pick up the tab for your care bill as you chose to spend all of your money on buying your little darling a house- but I think that thread raised some really interesting points.)

(And I know we all hate threads about threads but IDC *

It seemed like an awful lot of people seemed to believe that helping your children out with deposits and even purchasing property was ultimately a terrible thing. There was one comparison to the North Korean dictatorship when it came to leaving behind some dolla dolla bill for DC and a recurring theme of 'teaching your children to stand on their own feet' is more valuable that any inheritance you give them.

Obviously I agree self-sufficiency should be instilled in all children, and from studying at a pretty elite university with public school types who simply didn't understand that I needed to work all hours to get through my BA (and my MA!), I have a disdain for people who have never had to work for anything.

But does giving your kids a deposit for a house or a wedding or being so generous to buy them a house cancel that hard-working trait out if it existed in the first place? I understand completely that not everyone is in a financial position to help their DC in such a huge way, but surely it's understandable if some people do?

I think it's jealousy. Nearly everyone I know got help of some kind ranging from £5k to £160k.

Saying it doesn't teach your kids to stand in their own 2 feet is crap. If your child is a complete lazy arse who doesn't work etc etc then I doubt very much that any parent would think it's a good idea to reward that kind if behaviour.

If however your child is hard working really trying to save for a deposit etc etc then if you can help out why wouldn't you????

I always wonder why people get so angry about this - you either leave your kids £ when you die which gets taxed, again, or you get them onto the property ladder while you are alive in the hope you don't have to pay tax. If you have the money it is a simple decision. If you don't then I can imagine jealousy would make you a bit angry.

And by not having to pay tax, I mean Inheritance Tax, which is the same £ being taxed for the 4th time...

Draws a line between the haves and have nots in a big way. I don't believe that anyone would not help there children if they had the means to do so and can only deduce that they are envious.

I think if you can afford to help your children out financially (and want too) then you should. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. We won't ever be in a position to help out our children (unless we win the lottery) and that makes me really sad. My parents have out me and DH quite a lot over the years. Nothing on the scale of a house deposit but my dad paid for our (very small) wedding and honeymoon. And they've both given me significant amounts of money over the years to help out with the kids uniforms/clothes/shoes, christmas presents etc.

It's the whole 'not bothering to save' generation too. A lot of people who get any £ inheritance spend it straight away on the latest car or whatever, whereas some people will save it and want to pass it on to their kids. Horses for courses.

Some things in life aren't fair. You can either let it eat you up and sound bitter about it or you can just accept that there are certain things in life which you cannot change and have no control over, for everything else, your destiny is in your hands.

My parents have never helped me financially. I deliberately chose a degree (law) and profession which paid well so I could 'do it for myself'. I've done a job I don't even like for over 10 years to get me on the housing ladder/pay for wedding etc etc.

Virtually everyone I know had help with deposit and/or weddings. It's just the way it is. Haven't decided how much help our kids will get, it will depend on our finances at the time. I certainly don't want to create any expectation on their part that they'll never need to worry about money. It was precisely that drive that got me to where I am today.