samandi I completely disagree with you that it is a 'kick in the face.' At lest without having much more specific and damning evidence from the OP of the father's crimes.
The mother presumably chose to be the primary carer - as most mothers do. She may not have chosen to end up alone - perhaps he walked out on them. But I'm pretty sure she would have chosen to keep the children with her. That doesn't mean the father did not want or bother to care for his DCs too, in whatever small way he could, given that he was not able to live with them every day.
Contrast that with a situation where the mother wants to end the marriage and the man has no choice but lose his wife, his children and his home - through no fault of his own. Just because she decides, and it is assumed by all and sundry that the children should stay with her. Do you think that mother has the right to demand extra loyalty and not be 'kicked in the teeth' by an insensitive daughter as well? And what should the daughter be doing for her father, to balance the books and make amends for the hurtful decisions of her mother? 
Children cannot and should not be used or manipulated in this way. I know it's very hard, if you have perceive yourself as the wounded party, but part of the job of being a good parent.
It's a sad consequence of divorce that one or other of the parents (usually the mother) gets the lion's share of the hard work and the hassles of single parenting, but that comes with the privilege of having the DCs with them every day, which is almost always the way women want it. The complicated and emotive reasons for the marriage breakdown need to be put aside - it is not a question of blame, or rights, or consolation prizes, or point scoring. Children have two parents to love and respect, and even if one parent is not always as deserving of that respect as they could be, it is not for anyone else to tell tell a child how much to love a parent.
Millions of men are deeply unhappy about be forced by circumstance to live apart from their children - as I imagine you or I would be if the situation were forced upon us. Ok, so they don't have all the daily crap and inconveniences that single mums have, but do you think, if they desperately love and miss their children, that they care about that?
You make it sound as though once parents are divorced the children must spend the rest of their lives viewing everything as one big power play competition, with themselves as the prize, and that they should have to choose to show allegiance to one parent over another. I think that is very wrong indeed.