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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

AIBU to go to the pub 30 metres away with a video monitor.

344 replies

HoveDad · 25/04/2013 12:04

I live in a terrace of houses and ten doors down is a really nice pub that does great food. Would it be horribly irresponsible to leave the kids (8,4 and 2) home alone with a video (+audio) monitor watching the doors to the bedrooms, toilet and hallway? One of us could be home within one minute of seeing / hearing a child but in the mean time we could be sat having a couple of pints and a tasty meal with friends with a laptop/ipad on the table showing what's going on in the house.
I suspect this isn't ok and haven't suggested it to my wife yet but wanted to canvas opinions. You could get the kit to do this for ~ £100 which is what 4 baby sits would cost.

OP posts:
elQuintoConyo · 25/04/2013 13:35

Is this a wind-up?

Imho you shouldn't have any kids.

So glad my DH is responsible and sensible.

I find your idea disgusting [swearwords-galore emoticon]

And, yes, please tell your wife!

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 25/04/2013 13:36

"I'm a highly committed father of three and I spend a huge amount of time, energy, love (and money) on my kids." That is not a highly committed father, that is just kind of what a father/mother does! part of the job.

everlong · 25/04/2013 13:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pumpkinsweetie · 25/04/2013 13:40

If this isn't a wind up, you should have really thought about your social life before giving birth to 3 children!!!
If you cba to look after them and would rather neglect them to get drunk, you should have kept your legs closed.

Stop thinking of yourself and start thinking of the 3 lifes you created. They deserve more than this, you should feel very ashamed for asking or even thinking such a thing.

pumpkinsweetie · 25/04/2013 13:41

Sorry didn't realise you were a man, in that case you should have put something on the end of it.
Put your children first.

loubielou31 · 25/04/2013 13:41

If you find a lovely babysitter then you can go out earlier rather than having to wait until they are asleep and you could go further than just the pub at the end of the road. If your children wake up and need assistance your evening won't be disrupted, anything worse and there is someone there to deal with it. It's just a better solution all round
Find a babysitter, ours has gone to university (how very dare she get herself a good education when my social life is suffering) I miss her.

LittleMissGerardButlerfan · 25/04/2013 13:42

I would love to know your wife's opinion on this!

I hope she's on here and sees this.

Original poster
HoveDad · 25/04/2013 13:46

pumpkinsweetie, elQuintoConyo, BearsDontDigOnDancing that's a bit strong isn't it? - I'm not saying I'm father of the year but I get up with my kids every day, dress them, make them breakfast and lunch, work full time, get home and put them to bed with my wife every night, take them to the park all morning every saturday etc - I'm not some dead-beat alcoholic, like a lot of Dads my social life is by necessity a shadow of it's former self and I have no regrets. I think you've made some pretty broad and offensive assumptions here.

OP posts:
MissLurkalot · 25/04/2013 13:52

It's negligent basically, and the police would be involved if some busy body reported you or god forbid something bad happened in your complete absence!

I am amazed that you would even contemplate asking about it to be honest!

Hopasholic · 25/04/2013 13:53

We also have a pub very close by. My DC's are 11 & 13 and I wouldn't leave them to go to the pub, mainly because I just wouldn't be able to enjoy it. I'd just be anxious for that 'just in case scenario'
There's something different IMO leaving them to pop to the shop over leaving them to go to the pub. It has honestly never occurred to me or my DH to do this once they're in bed.

YesAnastasia · 25/04/2013 13:56

I don't think it's that bad to suggest this, HoveDad. I hope this isn't too sexist (although I know it is) but I can think of a few men who would suggest this and/or think this is a logical idea. The situation varies.
A big hotel, leave the kids in the room & take the monitor.
A neighbour's house for a drink/dinner, take the monitor. etc.
I just don't think you should do it, it's so not worth it especially as social services are on the ball recently and you know, something really could happen. Also, there WILL be parents in the pub who have a babysitter & will see you with your monitor & be very judgmental and angry.

AgathaF · 25/04/2013 14:01

Couldn't you make a meal at home and have a few drinks with those same friends?

Original poster
HoveDad · 25/04/2013 14:01

"there WILL be parents in the pub who have a babysitter & will see you with your monitor & be very judgmental and angry"
That's a very good point, based on people's reaction here we'd be lucky not to get lynched and prove MortifiedAdams right!

OP posts:
Pootles2010 · 25/04/2013 14:06

I think it boils down to the fact that its not a chance worth taking OP.

MissLurkalot · 25/04/2013 14:11

OP... Here's the link from NSPCC

www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/for-parents-and-carers/parenting-advice/home-alone/home-alone_wda90761.html

It basically says that the law does not set a minimum age at which children can be left alone. However, it is an OFFENCE to leave a child alone when doing so puts him or her at risk. It's a gamble, isn't it?

One split second, and your lives are ruined... is it honestly worth it, just to save money on a babysitter?

miemohrs · 25/04/2013 14:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

complexnumber · 25/04/2013 14:23

"We also have a pub very close by. My DC's are 11 & 13 and I wouldn't leave them to go to the pub, mainly because I just wouldn't be able to enjoy it. I'd just be anxious for that 'just in case scenario' "

Really!? We often leave ours (of similar age) alone in the house while we go shopping etc, it just seems normal to allow them a bit of freedom and responsibility. We don't live near a pub, but if we did I would not have a problem having a couple while they were indoors.

pumpkinsweetie · 25/04/2013 14:27

Ok, maybe i should have put it across more politely but i didn't want to whitewash it in the case you proceed to go ahead with your thoughts iyswim.
Basically it's a risk you shouldn't take, especially with the younger two children.

Things can happen, they could wake up and walk out the front door looking for you and get run over or snatched.

They could scald themselves

There could be a fire

Something could happen to you and there would be no-one to respond to your children's cries

The could run a bath, drown

The dangers are there, and if the unfortunate was to happen you would be too far away to get to them in time.

Tee2072 · 25/04/2013 14:32

Oh FFS. What hysteria.

OP as I said above I wouldn't do it because I don't trust the tech. If the tech was foolproof and I had a pub near by? I would consider it.

The rest of you should unclench a bit and look at the real risk.

Hopasholic · 25/04/2013 14:33

Complexnumber" I do leave them to go to the shops etc, but wouldn't feel comfortable about the pub at night. Not sure why but I know I'd not enjoy it. As children we were frequently left on our own at night as my mum ran a restaurant and my dad was useless and always in the pub anyway. We were burgled one night when I was around 7.My Dsis would have been 14 DB 12 I think it probably stems form that. We were absolutely terrified and my DB tried to be 'the man' and chased him off with a hammer.

Kiriwawa · 25/04/2013 14:36

I wouldn't do it, not because of a child deciding to get up in the evening and run a bath Hmm but because it would be really scary for your kids to wake up and realise you're not there.

Besides, how on earth are you going to relax having to stare at the screen throughout your 'tasty' meal?

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 25/04/2013 14:37

I do not think it is harsh at all no, just not sure why you felt the need to list what you do for your kids as if it is unusual i also " get up with my kids every day, dress them, make them breakfast and lunch" etc etc...as that is what a parents role is..it does not need listing as some sort of qualifier as to why you deserve a night at the pub while leaving your kids unattended at home on their own.

Your first post stated you could be home within one minute (which at the next post had changed to 90 seconds) of hearing or seeing anything. Of course that is if either you or your wife are sat glued to the screen and don't take your eyes off it, and are not involved in conversation with your friends, each other, eating, at the toilet etc. Which if it is going to be the case that you sit staring at a screen, you may as well not bother going out. 5 minutes can pass like 30 seconds in a social chatty setting.

So you can be home within 90 seconds of noticing something, which could already be too late.

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 25/04/2013 14:40

Oh and if you are on here "canvassing" opinions from strangers, before mentioning it to your wife, then I think you already know that the suggestion will not go down well.

pumpkinsweetie · 25/04/2013 14:40

But it isn't hysteria Tee, in rl most people would see this as neglect and rightly so as that is what it is in black & white.
If something was to happen, op would be charged with neglect it is as simple as that.

I don't think it is hysterical at all to air on the side of caution, it's what you call being a good parent.

Original poster
HoveDad · 25/04/2013 14:42

BearsDontDigOnDancing - If you read what I wrote I'm not saying I deserve a pat on the back, just that I'm not the dead beat that a lot of people seemed to have judged me as. I don't know why I included you on that now, you weren't being harsh.

OP posts:
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