To think ' bin dipping' is a fkin disgrace.

[chosenone]

A personal vent /rant whatever. I am so embarrassed to even mention this to anyone in RL . My brother has long term drug issues and until recently we were not speaking after he stole and pawned my jewellery, for my parents sake we are, albeit it strained. I saw him earlier with a bag over hos shoulder and wearing gloves so pulled over toask what he qas up to.
He was being shifty so I asked him if he had stolen goods. He then admitted he had a bag of stuff from waitrose bins. He aopened his bag and he had shepherd s pies, cold meats and youghurt s. I made it clear I was disgusted and he said it was desperation that drove him, and he reckons another dozen to ' bin dip ' he said greggs is a other good spot. I said normal people would spend their money on food not drugs. He tried to justify hi.self. He also raid ashtray s for baccy and finds himself dimps. I have spoke to my parents and they have their head firmly in the sand, they know what he is but theres nothing they can do. NothingI can do either he Iis 35, single and has not worked for over 3 yrs. Its frustrating, disappointing and disgusting all at the same time.
We live in an affluent tourist town and it seems my brother is part of an underclass who think bin dipping and dimp hunting are normal. His ex gf used to get all her clothes from bags left outside charity shops. Ffs It was so much easier havi g zero contact.

[imour]

i apologise chosenone , i didnt know you tried to help him in the past , just reading your posts seemed like you couldnt be arsed with him and were embarrassed ,hope he gets and wants some help and you sort things out as a family , good luck .

[Footface]

Also agree about the monthly benefit. For addicts this is a complete disaster.

[SignoraStronza]

Someone I know works at Waitrose. If the fridges/freezers break down for more than about 5 minutes they have to bin the whole lot (h&s). Is a disgrace. Can really see why someone would go bin dipping there - some really naice stuff gets chucked out.

[chosenone]

Thankyou. Remaining detached definitely helps.

[chosenone]

Yes search my history. Many threads in relationships. I am the opposite of some snobby cow looking down on addicts.

[OliviaMMumsnet]

Evening all

[AmberSocks]

Its not disgusting,its not stealing,and its not called bin dipping.yabu.

my dh,whe he started his business,had NO money,and would not sign on,him and his 2 partners would pay ret from the business and after that they were on their own,they did this all the time,literally,they lived on it,for years.

[YouDontWinFriendsWithSalad]

I used to do it when I was in my early 20s and skint. Something like 60% of food is wasted from farm to plate, it's absolutely shocking and I had no qualms about it.

We would find boxes of jars of perfectly good food - if one broke in the box they would throw the whole lot away. Never touched meat but got loads of bread and produce, and planted a herb and flower garden from all the slightly withered seedlings that got chucked.

It's a 'fucking disgrace' that our society is so fussy about food and what it looks like that perfectly edible food gets thrown away while many starve, even in 'rich' countries like the UK

[YouDontWinFriendsWithSalad]

Very interesting on the food waste scandal if anyone's interested. It's really sobering.

[HerrenaHarridan]

Op I'm sorry that your having to watch your brother suffer with addiction, it's brutal.

However you do sound like a proper snob! Underclass? Seriously?

Fwiw, skipping put an end to 8 years of vegetarianism for me.

There has been a lot of improvement in how much food is wasted but it is horrifying to see bin bag after bin bag of perfectly good food. Especially as m and s get their staff to rip open all the packets the pour in food dye!

I once found live seafood in the bin! How the fuck it was supposed to be out of date when it wasn't even dead I don't know but it haunts me to think that people went out to where these poor creatures were living, scooped them out of their universe only for then to sit and die in a bin bag

If you don't want to associate with your brother then don't, you won't be doing him any favours by sneering down at him from your overclass

[ThatVikRinA22]

you know what op

im a respectable working mum, career, nice house, 2.4 and all the rest.
my brother, was a heroin addict for 10 yrs. homeless for 3.
now, we got in touch a few years ago after a long period of estrangement - he is much younger than me and the fact that he is a homeless addict might give you a clue as to how good our parenting was.

nothing he did embarrassed me. nothing. the fact he was an addict? no.
the fact he had diseases? no. the fact he had no job? no.
i took him in once, he was 18. on heroin. he had lice. i judged him on his own parenting (which was unsuprisingly shite)

the reason that we dont have contact now, is that he and i just do not see eye to eye. simple.
nothing to do with his "issues"
i have my own "issues".

. i was willing to have contact with my bro - but he pushed and pushed and pushed for me to have contact with other family that were damaging to me and that i wanted nothing to do with. and so ended our contact.

people get addicted for all sorts of reasons - but there is always a back story.
i never judge anyone in that position.

[olgaga]

Terrible story, but he's 35, after all, and has completely messed up his life (and no doubt the rest of the family) but if all you're going to do is have a go at him you're not helping him.

You're not helping your parents either, having a go at them.

What on earth do you expect them to do?

I don't see the problem with your brother finding freely available food. It might as well be eaten as end up in landfill. It's better than stealing from you or anyone else - isn't it?

[LeoandBoosmum]

Sorry...I take that back. Calling you a bitch was a bit harsh there... Really though...your brother has to eat and is it not better that he does this than steal? It does sound like you are being pretty judgmental. I know it must be difficult to see your brother in this situation, not to mention frustrating, but it can't be easy for him either. Okay, he chose his path but once you're hooked on drugs it's so hard... :/ Sorry I was a bit harsh, it's just that you were coming across as holier than thou...

[yaimee]

I've done it, no drugs problem here!
the wholesalers near my old work was a goldmine. Used to see other people there too.
Waste not want not.

[Kungfutea]

I think it's so hypocritical that posters have both chided you for being judgmental and then judged you.

The more perceptive posters saw that the main issue is your distress at your brother's addiction.

I think aibu is the wrong place to post. You need support, not bitchy posts about whether you're a snob or not.

I'm sorry you and your family are going through this.

[rainbowslollipops]

I can see why you're embarrassed cause I bet before all this at some point he had it all going for him. It's hard to help an addict because you can't understand him and he can't understand you. You just wanna scream get off the drugs to him and he wants to give you reasons why he can't but yet you'd still struggle to understand. It's shameful because he can make something of himself, he doesn't need to be this person. I don't think your parents help by burying their heads in the sand. Address the issue and sit down with him as a family and talk about it. Listen to eachother, discuss getting help. It wont go away on its own.

[Lovelygoldboots]

Yanbu. There is nothing wrong with bin dipping. But you are angry at seeing your brother piss his life up the wall and that you don't have a good relationship with him. I have a brother who is just the same. His drug and alcohol issues have gone on for years. But you can't really help him unless he wants to help himself.

[Ledkr]

How lovely for him to have such a kind sister.
Would you rather he shoplifted to eat?
And yes most people spend their money on food rather than drugs because MOST PEOPLE ARE NOT DRUG ADDICTED.
You do realise that giving up drugs is not eat don't you?
If be happy he was managing to still eat tbh.
Poor bloke.

[Lovelygoldboots]

Just read your last few posts. My brother is still not well. The last time I went to see him, he was homeless and sofa surfing. He lives in an area close to where he had rehab and was replacing heroin with alcohol as his addiction. His homelessness was partly not his fault but I was still angry. I felt disgusted with him. Yes, unreasonable I know. It is his birthday today. He is 44. He has only recently got back in contact after a year of not knowing how to get hold of him. I wish I could offer you a happy ending. I hope your brother gets well.

[Lovelygoldboots]

And for all the posters who are berating the OP. TRY DEALING WITH HAVING AN ADDICT IN YOUR FAMILY

[chosenone]

Again thank you to the posters who have an understanding of living with someone with addictions. That is the issue probably not the bin dipping, and yes they DO call it that.I am not going to argue my case about why I am not a snob tbh. Underclass is a strong term, however, many have used it when describing my brother. Where he lives many addicts live in bedsits and flats nearby, rubbish everywhere, needles on thefloor, anti social behaviour at all hours. Some of these people do go on the rob im shops and breaking into houses. Bin dipping, washing line shopping etc is a way of life. His ex gf had 2 children taken off her because of this way of life. She would use any old rags for her period to save her money for drugs. If these people are not the an underclass what are they?
Damaged people, people self medicating, people trapped in a cycle..... yes probably. It is sad and when you' re related to one and this stuff is on your doorstep, it hurts.

[chosenone]

Sorry for you brother lovelygoldboots. It must've been hard to see him like that. I think finding a way out must be difficult. His drugs councillors helped him identify triggers and that was about it. Losing his job, car, previous home etc did nothing to change him. He is meant to be applying for ten jobs a month so his benefits don't stop but to lool at his face he is unemployable. I don't know what the answer is.

[Lovelygoldboots]

I made a resolution this year chooseone to detach emotionally. I have made myself ill worrying about him in the past. He has always been involved with drugs but his problems really started when my youngest brother died thirteen years ago. I can understand his pain, but I have worried about losing him too. I have another brother who helped him a lot. He went and got heroin for him while he was waiting to go on a methadone. Which doesn't work. The trouble is there are no answers. Which doesn't help you or him. All you can do is be there for your parents.