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AIBU?

To think ' bin dipping' is a fkin disgrace.

100 replies

chosenone · 24/04/2013 21:17

A personal vent /rant whatever. I am so embarrassed to even mention this to anyone in RL . My brother has long term drug issues and until recently we were not speaking after he stole and pawned my jewellery, for my parents sake we are, albeit it strained. I saw him earlier with a bag over hos shoulder and wearing gloves so pulled over toask what he qas up to.
He was being shifty so I asked him if he had stolen goods. He then admitted he had a bag of stuff from waitrose bins. He aopened his bag and he had shepherd s pies, cold meats and youghurt s. I made it clear I was disgusted and he said it was desperation that drove him, and he reckons another dozen to ' bin dip ' he said greggs is a other good spot. I said normal people would spend their money on food not drugs. He tried to justify hi.self. He also raid ashtray s for baccy and finds himself dimps. I have spoke to my parents and they have their head firmly in the sand, they know what he is but theres nothing they can do. NothingI can do either he Iis 35, single and has not worked for over 3 yrs. Its frustrating, disappointing and disgusting all at the same time.
We live in an affluent tourist town and it seems my brother is part of an underclass who think bin dipping and dimp hunting are normal. His ex gf used to get all her clothes from bags left outside charity shops. Ffs It was so much easier havi g zero contact.

OP posts:

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chosenone · 25/04/2013 07:25

Yes I can see what you're saying. Thankyou. My parents have aged considerably and it is hard to watch.

OP posts:

Lovelygoldboots · 25/04/2013 07:31

There may be other organizations that can help. I have never accessed them. But maybe someone could link for you. Good luck OP, feel free to PM if it all gets too much

missalien · 25/04/2013 07:32

If they are not underclass what are they ?

They are people .

The addictions have taken over , I see it as a bit of a parellell universe they live on. I'm sure there are many other things they do you would be horrified at but that is just what you have seen.

It's hard , but it is what it is. Truth be told , there is nothing you can foot help except support your parents .

My mum is a heroin crack addict was was my younger sister who recently died . Just love your own life the best you can . I always say if you wouldn't walk I'm their shoes, don't judge. And be thankful there are not children involved .

But for the grace of god, there go I .

Lovelygoldboots · 25/04/2013 07:40

A parallel universe is a good analogy. You know they are there but you just cant reach them.

Footface · 25/04/2013 07:54

It's very frustrating to watch the people around you becoming ill and old because they are supporting an addicted family member.

In my case I have completely list respect for tge person involved. He has lost everything. He's been an addict for 20 years. He has 2 children that he jumps in and out of their lives depending on how he feels. He will cut contact when he wants to. Leaving you wondering if he's dead or alive.
He begs, borrows and steals.

With long term addiction it becomes hard to remember the person they were before the addiction. Often leaving you feeling that they are just a selfish, self centred arse. But deep down that person must surely still be there.

olgaga · 25/04/2013 08:27

The real tragedy here is the complete lack of treatment and support for addicts, and their families who suffer the brunt of it.

No methadone doesn't work - it's just maintenance.

Sadly no government will ever decriminalise drug use and addiction in order to tackle the problem of addiction properly for fear of being seen as "soft on drugs".

Approaches which explicitly reject an evidence-based public health approach, but instead focus on incarceration and criminalisation of addicts, continue to utterly fail, at enormous financial and human cost.

chosenone · 25/04/2013 09:14

Thank you lovelygoldboots. Missalien and footface sorry to hear of the addicts in your family. You are so right about detachment and focusing on my own life. I had done that after the court case and recent contact has bought it all back to reality really. Seeing him showing me the spoils of his visit to waitrose was so depressing and upsetting, hence this post! I honestly don't know where a govt would begin with addicts. We have tried many avenues over the years only when he committed/was caught committing a crime did he get more support. His ex GF was a product of the care system and had not been schooled since 8 years old, abused in care, domestic abuse within relationships, prostituted herself for drugs. I felt sorry for her but she could not function in society. She is banned from all local shops, has no idea how to look after herself. It's sad but when she stole all my dads anti depressant medication and was part of the theft from me my sympathy ran dry. The answer? Unfortunately I have no idea Thank you

OP posts:

Thumbtack · 25/04/2013 09:30

Agree that addiction is horrible - it effects every thought a person has.

missalien · 25/04/2013 09:53

His life has nothing to do with you and does not reflect on you. If you get a chance , as I did with my sister before she died , I said ; I'm sorry your life is like this , it's a frightening way to live , I love you as my sister and I wish things were different for you , but I can't help you, and I'm sorry about that. Addicts chew up every person in their path and then move ok to the next and have no consideration for the destruction they cause, they are just trying to survive and the code of conduct does not register on a Normal persons moral compass.

For my mum, the best thing I can do for her is to turn out normal the. She can feel proud not guilty and she does enough already .

Ther lives must be awful to lead . I for one feel lucky I didn't turn out that way . And I support sterilisation for addicts .

You just have to be you , you can't do anything else . I hope you come to terms with it and can walk away realising you can't help and there is no cure.

EldritchCleavage · 25/04/2013 11:06

Actually, don't try and bury it for your parents' sake. It's doing you no good at all. I would cut him off, not out of anger necessarily, but just to preserve your sanity. Given how he is and what he did to you, I don't think it is fair of your parents to expect you to have a relationship with him for their sakes. Understandable, but not fair.

LouiseSmith · 25/04/2013 11:17

I think maybe he needs your support instead of your judgement.

If you were so worried you call always cook him a dinner.

LibertineLover · 25/04/2013 11:36

Unfortunately chosenone there really isn't much you can do. he needs to be ready, and at the same time have access to suitable re-hab, which in this country is practically impossible without a 2 year wait.
Unless someone could afford for him to do it privately when he's ready

If you can't bear to see him, don't, if people try to talk to you about him, say you don't want to hear it. You cannot help.

same goes for your poor parents, but he's their boy, and it's not as easy for them.

good luck, it's hard I know.

Crinkle77 · 25/04/2013 11:38

A lot of people do bin dipping. It is actually disgraceful that these companies are throwing away perfectly good food but as it has gone past its best before date it gets thrown. But the ashtray dipping is foul. But drug addiction is complicated and if it was that easy to give up then he would not be doing all this dipping. People will only give up when they are ready and no amount of coercion from family will persuade him

EldritchCleavage · 25/04/2013 11:47

I think maybe he needs your support instead of your judgement.
If you were so worried you call always cook him a dinner

How unkind. And naive.

Saski · 25/04/2013 20:32

I feel for you OP, and wish you all the best.

Anyone would be sad to see a family member eating out of trash cans. If they're doing it because they're a freegan, great, but freegans have a choice.

crashdoll · 25/04/2013 20:43

And for all the posters who are berating the OP. TRY DEALING WITH HAVING AN ADDICT IN YOUR FAMILY

Been there, it is very painful. Please don't assume you know better than everyone else. Addiction can tear families apart and while I cannot and will never condone his behaviour, I still love my family member and I wouldn't want him to be without food.

Lovelygoldboots · 25/04/2013 20:58

I have never once said I know better than anyone else! This is painful. For me and others. It does not take a lot to scratch the surface and try and help.

overprotection · 25/04/2013 21:06

The horror of being from a well to-do family from an 'affluent' town and having a brother who takes needlessly wasted food from bins for free to save money.

I'm quite glad me and my partner come from scruffy backgrounds, it means now that we earn decent money we can still buy cheap stuff and save the extra without spending the whole time worrying about appearing suitably affluent to the locals.

reelingintheyears · 25/04/2013 21:27

Nothing wrong with bin dipping,i have a friend who does it quite often,no drug issues.

We have had bags of perfectly good potatoes,veg and other stuff from his trips out.

All still well within date and good quality.

It is scandalous what supermarkets throw away.

Oh,and he often gets lovely wrapped bunches of flowers for his wife.

ThatVikRinA22 · 25/04/2013 21:28

i dont think the issue is bin dipping really is it.....

im in police - addicts are hard work but hats off to your bro for not resorting to theft....unless he has. not many addicts havent tbh.

my own brother included.
i had more of an issue with his stupidity than his addiction.

reelingintheyears · 25/04/2013 21:29

They often bin stuff within date to clear the shelves before bank hols and Easter/christmas so they can stock up with seasonal shite.

LynetteScavo · 25/04/2013 21:33

He's an addict. He's desperate. "Normal" people spend their money on food not drugs, because they are not addicts.

I would hate to see my brother doing this. I can see why you are frustrated, disappointed and disgusted.

But I don't think bin dipping is the crime of the century . Wasting food while there are people hungry, for what ever reason is a bigger "crime".

VisualiseAHorse · 25/04/2013 21:42

I used to do this.

I wasn't a junkie. I was a very hungry teenager though. Behind bakeries is all ways good. If you've gotta eat, you've gotta eat!

LynetteScavo · 25/04/2013 21:47

A very hungry teenager in a normal growing teenager kind of way, or one who wan't fed enough at home kind of way?

I know my DN and her friends did this at uni... in a hippy recycling, why not kind of way, rather than impoverished can't afford to eat kind of way. I wasn't disgusted when I found out....although it's not something I would readily do.

VisualiseAHorse · 26/04/2013 09:25

Wasn't living at home by that point, I/we were hungry and skint.

I don't understand what is so disgusting about it? Is it because the things have come out of a bin? We were always quite careful to only take things that were still wrapped up - and we were also pretty sure that some of the shops left the 'best' things on the top so you never had to dig too hard.

I think it's far more disgusting that all that food can be thrown away when there are thousands of children living in poverty in this country.

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