To not want DP's ex to fly halfway across the world to visit him?

[SlumberingDormouse]

A bit of background though I want to keep this short and relatively unidentifiable - we've been together a year; he was with her for a year from 2010-2011. She broke up with him after she cheated multiple times, lied to him about having a terminal illness, borrowed hundreds of pounds off him that she still hasn't paid back, etc. She then emigrated. Since she moved to Oz she has kept in touch with my DP even after we got together. She posts private jokes on his FB wall and tags him in pictures from years ago so they show up as most recent! All very annoying and we have argued over it, but I've snooped so I know for certain there's nothing more going on. My DP is lovely, almost too nice sometimes. He worries about hurting people. I have however persuaded him to take a harder line with her and he has now successfully got back some of the money she owed him. But now she wants to fly back and visit him! I don't think it's likely to happen as she has no money. But if it does, I really don't want him to see her. I think it is inappropriate as we are serious (discussing getting engaged) and she continues to try to manipulate him. AIBU?

There's this fabulous thing called the postal service - maybe he could try that?
Oh Doormouse, I hope you are ok. I know you think its because he is 'nice' that he is failed to put his foot down, but really, it's not 'nice' - it's not nice to you, it's weak and it's suspicious.

He hasn't returned her stuff before, because he hasn't wanted to. Because keeping her stuff is keeping the contact. And he is as complicit as she is in that. You do realise that, don't you?

I do realise. That's why I have been pushing and pushing him to return it but he hasn't done it yet. There is also the issue of payment; she won't be able to afford it so he'll probably end up sending it back at his own expense. I'm not really ok. I'm sad that I'm in this situation.

registered mail

yes, they do it to Australia

look love, you can be as sad as you like, but you need to act .... stop moping around like some sort of Jane Austen Wet Blanket

I know I need to act. I'm so glad I'm going on holiday tomorrow with a close friend and not DP so I can get away from this and decide what to do next.

Oh for goodness sake OP.

He blocks her on FB. Click of a button. Done.
He puts all her documents in an envelope and send them registered mail to Australia. Done.

What is all this messaging nonsense?! Why are you both stringing this out so much longer than it needs to be? Is there some reason that he cannot do those two very very simple things?

Decide ? What more is there to decide

I hope you have a good holiday. I would use it as a chance to take a good break from him. Don't bother contacting him.

When you get back, just find out what he's done re. the ex.

If it's more of the same, then I suggest you dump him (and treat him like shit too, because that's what he seems to enjoy.)

Indeed. And this bloke's cock will accidentally fall into her vagina.

Look, if you're going on holiday with a friend and not your boyfriend, that says a lot. Unless you have a lot of money and can afford multiple holidays, that is.

at AF

He's agreed to block, delete and cut contact. YES!

Excellent - well done!

Bloody hell, its about time. I hope he means it and actually starts putting your relationship first now.

He has! I just checked. He has also (or maybe her, who knows?) deleted some wall posts that bothered me. I am thrilled with how our conversation went last night. I basically said, 'I thought I was ok with this but I'm not. It's making me really unhappy and I cannot carry on with this relationship feeling this way.' He said that he was extremely sorry he'd upset me and that he'd do anything to rectify the situation, including cutting her out of his life. So I said that it was his responsibility to tell her that they can no longer be in touch as it's not my problem. And now he's followed through. I'm still going to be vigilant but I really feel like I've got through to him now. I am not willing to put up with feeling like his second priority and he knows that.

I am so glad I stood up for myself. Ultimately, if he hadn't respected my feelings then he wouldn't have been worth it anyway! Thanks for all the great advice on here; it was the wake-up call I needed.

Thank fuck for that

Now you know what to do next time you feel the slightest pressure to be a "cool girlfriend" don't you ?

And now change your MN name to GrowlingLion.

Have a nice holiday!

Roaring Lion.

Aww thanks. I couldn't give a damn about being a 'cool' girlfriend anymore. I tried it in the past and got royally shat on from a great height (with a different 'D'P). I need to do what makes me happy and be honest with myself and him about that.

So glad for you Dormouse. Now you can go on holiday with a light heart and have a bloody good time!

Glad for you OP, but be careful that you don't end up the woman who "made" him cut off his other woman... be the woman who is wanted not chosen because you're worth more.

She's not going to be happy and I bet she won't give up without a fight.