To regret booking this holiday? (intense dread)

[MarmaladeTwatkins]

Basically, we've booked up to go to Florida with some friends for 10 days in September. We booked it last September.

My friends have three DCs, 12, 7 and 3... and since we booked up, the three year old has become really horrible. I know it's bad form to slate kids off on MN but I find him really unbearable. He comes to my house quite often and trashes the place. Crisps stamped into carpets, drinks thrown around, pulling cat's tail, hitting me, hitting his mum, helping himself to food... I know that this could be typical toddler behaviour but my friends just let him do these things. No parenting, no discipline given. They'll happily sit and watch as I am on hands and knees picking up soggy cakes from under sofa or trying to get him to stop tormenting the cat.

I don't think that we are in for a relaxing ten days. I am starting to wish we'd never booked up. Is there a way we can get out of it? AIBU?

We went on holiday when DD1 was about six mo with friends whose son was 6 wk younger...our DD was treated like she was 18 mo older, expected to be 'quiet' while they did their Gina Ford routine. We didn't drive then so shared a car...everything geared round the sleep routine, we couldn't get away...I still break out in hives thinking about that holiday...they wonder why we won't commit to a long week with them now. We go away for short breaks but it's still substantially driven around their kids needs...

OP I would not judge you for trying to extract...

Oh God, Donkeys. The times I have had to stop that child from running into roads because one of them is looking at their 'phone, I've lost count...

marmalade you need to get out of this NOW, you will be left to parent, feed, look after and generally left to get on with it, while THEY holiday and you skivvy.

Heartfelt sympathies to you Marmalde. Love your name btw! Can you actually get out of it and not lose your money? If so I really would. I honestly cannot standto be around horribly behaved kids and ineffectual parents like that, I used to be all understanding and tolerant but after suffering many years of it with some(now ex) friends I snapped!!

The thing is even though the grown up thing would be to talk about it with your friend people don't tend to take things like that very well do they?

do you happen to have any friends you don't like very much, and don't mind losing? Offload the holiday to them?

Any update OP?

No, no update.

Am just letting the dread consume me :(

marm - you need to take action or it will be the biggest waste of money and holiday ever. And it should be FUN, not dreaded.

Maybe invite them over for coffee to discuss holiday plans - and make it clear that you will be doing your own thing some days, that their kids are their responsibility. Be assertive, not passive, you have a choice here - shit family holiday or fun holiday.

I am not under-estimating the power of a toddler to disrupt and bug everyone but am now thinking he will be out-numbered. Does your DH normally see that child 'in action'? I often found a few stern firm words from an adult they weren't familiar with often brought an unruly guest to heel.

Plus enforcing a few house-rules every time he and his mum visit might sink in by the time you go.

Seems a shame to dread a vacation. I'd also lay it on thick about how massively independent and mature your DCs are and prepare for separate activities occasionally so you're not compelled to always go places en masse.

Save up, look for a bargain rate, and go for a weeks cruise out of Miami or Ft Lauderdale in the middle of the holiday to break things up. Best of all if you ave the nerve you could ask your friends to look after your dc during that time and just go with your DH . To be honest they would probably then be the ones telling stories about the awful friends they went on holiday with!

In my experience this is the third child syndrome! Any of my friends with three children seem to have put all their energies into producing two lovely, well behaved children and then number three comes along and they let them away with murder (I am one of three - not the third - and it was true of my family too). Not that that is much consolation to you: I have been on holiday with friends who do not discipline their DC -it is a tough exercise in maintaining an impassive facade - I found the trick was to try to spend a certain amount of the day OUT of the holy terrors company. Wine worked too.