To ask that if you don't work but your husband/partner does, do you get an allowance for clothes?

[suebfg]

I recently stopped working and don't have money of my own coming in. I feel like I don't want to spend the money earned by DH on the 'nice to haves' - treats for myself etc.

How do you manage it in your households?

1st yr when I officially moved in the DP, we opened a joint account, so when is away, I can pay bills. Well, never happens. Unless I'm short on something and I feel I have to ask for money... HATE doing that!!

DP makes alot more than me. So, he pays the mortage, hydro, and some groceries. I get child support which goes to my kids clothes, activities, school lunch stuff, gas.. etc. (not his children)

At least this year no man at my door with a disconnection notice on hydro, etc!!!!

1st yr, my DP got about $5000 back from income tax and put only 750 into this "joint" account. Huge fight there if some remember...

This yr when income tax came in mail, I put half in his account and half in mine!!! PERIOD.

My DP also will come home with groceries as it is cheaper not to bring me...as I will grab more. Pisses me off, as he isn't home all week and has NO idea what we eat during the week!!

Back to bank accounts..

Not here... Joint incase of emergency, otherwise I think there is like 5.00 in it. His money, his account. My money, mine.

EssexGurl - I think I have a similar attitude, I need to know what my total budget for me, whereas it's a general pot, it's not just yours. I guess I've always had my own money, so I still want that when not in paid work.

DH works, i don't. Everything is paid out (mortgage/bills/savings/insurances/phone contracts/contact lenses for us both etc) and we each have a personal spends amount (usually £100, some months only £50 though) to spend on bits and bobs as we choose. We find this easier than just taking money out as and when because it helps us to budget better, to have 'pots' for everything. I do a big online shop at the beginning of the month to stock up then take out £40 a week for fresh stuff.

DH spends his money on a footy match, curry and beers with his mates once a month, the odd CD/DVD and occasionally clothes. I spend mine on clothes, fabric, yarn, magazines etc. We also have a 'family' pot which is used for days out, the odd takeaway, small treats for the kids, DD1's pocket money

I have an account where the child benefit & tax credits are paid into, this money pays for clothes/shoes/activities/school stuff etc for the kids. This account is just in my name because it's the same one i've had since i was a single parent to DD1, plus i deal with all the kids stuff.

I am not earning at the moment. That does not mean i am not working - I do full time babycare during DPs working hours. We have a joint account - if I want to buy myself something I just do it, within reason. Obviously if I wanted to make a large purchase we would talk about it but that works both ways. He manages the bank account, largely because it was his account before my name was added to it. I never closed my own account so it is handy when a separate account is needed - we are currently using it for wedding budget.
I hate the allowance idea - i'm an adult, I'm too old for pocket money.

my hubby is very 'i earn all the money' now that i am on ML and then will be working PT afterwards. He gets more fun money than me but whilst i stick to the amount he goes overdrawn which drives me mad. He claims £400 is too little for petrol, treats, clothes a month-is it?
It's really frustrating and I cannot seem to make him see it as our money. His answer to everything is I work!

I don't have an allowance.

DH's salary goes into his account. There is a monthly standing order for roughly the amount of the bills/mortgage/petrol/shopping etc which goes into our joint account. The maintenance from my XH also goes into that account. There is always more in there than we need, and I spend it as I see fit.

He offered to set up a monthly standing order into a new account for me, as 'spending money', but I really don't need it.

He buys whatever he wants (usually computer stuff), whenever he wants, from his own account.

He works really hard and is paid well for it. He suggested I give up work last year because I loathed my job and it was making me stressed, depressed and physically unwell. My children are in secondary school and I can't honestly say that what I do at home is hard work.

So, controversially, I think he deserves all of the spending money he has. I wouldn't know what to do with it if I had it! But if I wanted anything at all, it would be mine.

If you don't have joint accounts you must have some spending money to go in your own account. You could call it an allowance for want of a better word. This could be spent on clothes or any other items as you see fit.

Otherwise your husband would have to do all the shopping! Alternatively he could give you a credit card or lump sums now and again.

If he wants to scrutinise every purchase you make then the issue is more about him trusting you / your judgement.

cleo - sorry but that attitude would kill my love and respect for him. I haven't worked for 11 years since I had my first child and both are in school now. My husband transfers money into my account to cover all household needs and anything I or the children need but we see it as our money and never have to check with each other on what we spend it on.

Bit of everything here. DH works, I stay at home. I have an 'allowance' for food shopping, petrol, DS clubs, dinner money, and other regular expenditure. This is a monthly standing order. We started this before DS was born when I went back to university and took sole control of household day to day things.
I also have a credit card. On this goes holidays, clothes for all of us, birthday presents, treats, days out, books, classes etc for me, etc etc etc. if I don't have enough to cover it, then I ask for more.
I too used to hate asking for more and then I realised, we are lucky enough that DH earns well, and he puts in long, hard hours for it. The hours impact on all of us in lots of ways, so we are all entitled to enjoy the proceeds. DH benefits too in that I take responsibility for all home stuff leaving his free time relatively free of boring nonsense, which also means he is free for us all to have fun. Now I may be looking for ways to justify a hideously outmoded way of life, but you know what, it works for us. And it is only money. You are earning it too!

OP is it that you feel you don't deserve the treats since you don't earn the money?

You shouldn't feel like this because there are other ways you can contribute without earning - and I bet you do just because you are thinking like this.

If money is a problem, you just need to work out a budget together.

Cleo - your husband is a twat.

DH earns the dough here. He gets paid into his own account and then puts enough to cover household expenses into joint account. He then also puts an amount in my account for my own use and child benefit goes to me too. Every month we then transfer any excess in our personal accounts into the joint account where our savings are kept.

No such thing as his money - only family money!

Cleo - that is terrible and is a relationship and financial disaster waiting to happen. You really do need to put a stop to it. As for "I work", tell him you'll happily go back to work but then as a family you'll need to pay for childcare.

No, I just spend whatever I feel like!

Meh I get an allowance. But we have a joint account which I am free to use whenever. I have a sole account to which my husband deposits a set amount each month. I spend that on me whatever I like.

For us this works. My Dh is very twitchy about money so it means I don't have to put up with him trawling through joint statements questioning every penny spent. If I needed extra money I would just take it out the joint account. TBF DH hardly spends anything and has less disposable income left in the joint account for himself than he gives me.

It works for us.

It took me AGES to accept that all the money was OURS. I have worked since DD1 was one year old...part time but I had this mindset that my money was mine and DHs was his and we should chip into the bills together.

He's helped me see that it's better to stick it all into one amount...we have separate accounts but let one another know what we have this month. We're both self employed so money varies a LOT month by month.

If one of us earns a lot one month then that one pays more bills than the other...if I want to buy something or he does, then we discuss it.

We're opening a joint savings account soon...it's the only way.

We have always had joint accounts. DH has a career and some years I have worked, some I haven't but there isn't any mine or yours- it's all ours.

If we buy something expensive, we will run it past the other, but other than that, we are adults and we trust each other not to empty the account buying rubbish.

We married very young though, when neither of us had been at work very long so we were never possessive about money (we never had much in the beginning)

My friends who married when their careers were rock solid were much more set in their ways about money and struggled to think of it as a joint family pot. Most of the friends who have discussed it with me, say that they have separate accounts still forever transferring payments for bills into different accounts and talking about owing their DH money.

One friend has a real tight arse husband who made her save for her maternity leave to keep up her end of the bills, because he didn't see why he should pay for her to lounge about the house on a jolly while looking after their child for a year. She has no idea how much he earns and lived off her child allowance for a long time.

She came into a huge inheritance recently and won't let her husband near the money, despite his sudden urge to pool all their resources...

We've always had a joint account, even before we moved in together. DS tells me if we're tight on money and doesn't like me to feel I need to justify expenditure to him. Large purchases are discussed, and DH we review our joint finances every couple of months to check we're not running into trouble.

Again we've been together since we were skint students though and have always been "what's mine is yours".

btw cleo I'd suggest considering going back full-time, when you feel able to. Your DH sounds horrible, I'm sorry. Agree with LaQueen's post.

I think that what works best is when people handle money in the way that suits them. When i worked i would get my wage slip and work out what was needed to cover bills, stuff i was saving for and lifestyle costs (haircuts, food, petrol travel costs etc.) Whatever was left was fun money and i would blow it.

When i got together with DH we pooled our income, put bill and lifestyle cost money in the joint account and had individual accounts for EQUAL fun money.

Now i'm a sahm i still need to know how much fun money i've got. Although we both have a lot, lot less these days!

Any scenario where one person has more money to spend on themselves than their partner is just unthinkable.

I don't get a clothing allowance (SAHM) or any other kind of allowance. I buy what I like within what we can afford. If I did feel guilty when I first gave up work, I don't anymore. It's not practical for me to work right now. It is practical for him to work. It's team work and it's not fair of one party to exercise financial control over the other. I don't take the piss and I wouldn't expect him to either. He doesn't spend much on clothes or fripperies, but has more expensive hobbies than me so it all balances out.

"Any scenario where one person has more money to spend on themselves than their partner is just unthinkable."

Really? Don't you think that if one partner has very little spare time (much less than the other partner), he/she might be entitled to have, for example, an expensive but time-efficient hobby? And that the other partner might think that was fair, given that he/she had much more time to hang out with friends and other low-key leisure activities?