To ask that if you don't work but your husband/partner does, do you get an allowance for clothes?

[suebfg]

I recently stopped working and don't have money of my own coming in. I feel like I don't want to spend the money earned by DH on the 'nice to haves' - treats for myself etc.

How do you manage it in your households?

The money belongs to us both. Dh may go out to work to earn it but I earn it by being a sahm. We share all the money and I spend what I like on myself. I would never spend silly money or be careless with our account though.

No allowance. Nothing of the sort. Money, whoever earns it, goes into one pot and we spend it how we like, essentials, treats, nice to haves... Whatever.

We don't have to ask each other, but we trust each other to spend within our means, and with a healthy balance between family necessities and personal treats. In tougher times we have set ourselves strict budgets and agreed these together and fairly.

How very odd that some 'breadwinners' see the money as just theirs.

Part of the benefit of having a small amount of "my own" money is that if I want to save it up nobody else will spend it in the meantime!

We've never had a joint account. DH pays a set sum into my account each month to cover housekeeping (not bills) and 'stuff'. If I want clothes, I buy them. If I go over the monthly amount (I use my credit cards for everything and my cc limits are higher than the monthly sum paid into my account, iyswim), I tell him and he transfers more money into my current account.

It works well for us- it's not that I'm being denied a joint account, I just never wanted one.

At the moment we both work and pay equal amounts into one account for bills etc, have some joint savings, make big purhases for house etc, then keep the rest in personal accounts to either spend or save. This works now because we earn almost the same.

When I go on mat leave DH will pay bills etc and whatever is left (not much!) will be split between our accounts to be used in same way. I must admit, the idea of not earning my own money is a bit odd to me. I'd feel fine if its because I was looking after children or was struggling to find work, but would feel uncomfortable if I just chose not to work.

I prefer separate spending accounts because DH spends more than me day to day and this means I can save for bigger things and DH can spend without worrying about eating into my saved money for bigger purhases.

I don't get an allowance but I'd quite like one, but currently theres no room for luxuries. I'd quite like some trousers that fit me since giving birth, but I have enough pairs of tights and dresses that fit to justify it. My role is managing our money and finding ways to save it. I quite enjoy the budgeting too.

I worked full time for 13 years but quit my job 2 years ago to relocate when I became pregnant. I still have some (modest) savings from when I worked. We have a joint account for food and bills and holidays etc which is where our CB and tax credits go. If I want to buy any clothes or pay for personal things eg dance classes, haircuts etc, it comes out of my savings. I've probably got enough to sustain this until I look for work again when DS is at school. That said, I only ever buy clothes from ebay or charity shops so it doesn't cost much at all!

Every time I see threads like this I want to weep a little. You are at home looking after the children that you have together, so there should be no allowance. As a family, you earn a set amount. As a family, you have set expenses. And then, as a family you should agree with what to do with the rest.

Larval - that's actually very sad. I assume your DH has plenty of disposable income from whatever is left after paying bills which he keeps in his account? How is that a legitimate splitting of finances? You have had to save to have children but he doesn't?

Our tax credits of about £25 a week get paid to me and I'm allowed to keep them as 'my' money. The child benefit also gets paid to me but I hand that over to DH as soon as it comes in, as it's needed for bills and so on. DH is happy for things like shampoo and tampons to come out of our shopping budget but I have to pay for any other personal stuff myself.

Having said that, he does pay for clothes or for me to get my hair done now and then if I'm really skint and depressed about the way I l

Our tax credits of about £25 a week get paid to me and I'm allowed to keep them as 'my' money. The child benefit also gets paid to me but I hand that over to DH as soon as it comes in, as it's needed for bills and so on. DH is happy for things like shampoo and tampons to come out of our shopping budget but I have to pay for any other personal stuff myself.

Having said that, he does pay for clothes or for me to get my hair done now and then if I'm really skint and depressed about the way I look.
To be honest, it's never occurred to me that the money he earns is 'our' money rather than his. I have felt like a parasite ever since I stopped full time work when I was expecting DS. That was minimum wage and I could only cover my half of the rent with it, I couldn't afford to contribute to bills. Since then, I've had a couple of minimum wage part time jobs which have paid maybe one bill a month for us and I'm not working at all now.

we have 1 account and 1 savings account,dh pays himself a basic wage every moth which covers rent and council tax and then a dividend every 3 months,we save half of that and then we give ourselves a budget (mine is 500 a week his is 100)then the rest is just there for things we all do together.

the reason why mine is so much more is because it covers food,stuff the kids need,stuff for me,trips out and the cleaner,his just covers petrol buying lunch and snooker once a week.

I am a SAHM, we have a joint account. DH's salary is paid into it.
I have a wonderful spreadsheet!, I use it every month to manage our finances and so I know exactly how much we will need to spend. If I need to I just use whatever I need for hair, clothes, etc.
DH knows that I am very responsible and organised with money and so doesn't worry about it.

one thing i think is unfair is when sahm get a pt job and say its just for them to have their own money to spend on what they want.why is that fair?would it be ok for a man to decide his money was for him only?

Bling, it's bit more complicated than that. DH was taken very ill and was in hospital throughout my pregnancy. He's self-employed so income was pretty much zero for that time. He's still ill intermittently so takings from his business are pretty low at the moment and he doesn't have much left over at all. Also, I moved into his house when we married. I had enough savings at the time to pay off the remaining mortgage but it was a fraction of what he'd paid for it over the years. (Luckliy we live in a very cheap area too so the mortgage was tiny considering national house prices generally). At the moment it seems to be the fairest split.

I spend what I like
He spends what he likes

Everything that comes in is ours. We don't discuss what we buy, unless it's big purchases. DH is in 'charge' of the car and might say something like 'the road tax is coming out this month' so I know there will be a big payment going out, but that's just courtesy, not to ask permission or anything like that.

TBH I'm not going to give you a hard time - I remember feeling exactly the same way when I went on mat leave. You just have to discuss it and get on with it, really.

No my husband doesn't give me an allowance as i am his wife not his daughter

Larva - the way I see it is that now that you are married, it shouldn't be about your house/his house/your contribution/his contribution. So who paid what percentage of the house you share today should be irrelevant. Ditto, who earns what percentage of the money you have today should be irrelevant. If as a couple you're earning much, then of course, disposable incomes for both go down.

I work full time, DH is SAHD.

We have a joint account which salary, TC and child benefit goes into. All direct debits and standing orders and other bills are paid for out of this account too.

We both have equal access, so if I need something, I'll buy it, ditto DH. If we want to buy something then we talk about it first. DH always asks me first (whatever it is he needs) as he is too lazy to look at the bank account first . I generally take care of the bills though, so he doesn't know if there is anything due out.

Works for us!

DH works full time, I am SAHM.
All monies paid into a joint account, bills and savings come out of this also an allowance of £100 each into our personal accounts.

All money into one account. All expenses paid - food clothes, fees, bills etc. including occasional 'fripperies'

Discuss large bills - car, windows, household appliances etc.

DH has what is left for putting in ISAs etc.

I am mindful of what is in the account and what needs to be spent so would not overspend

we have 3 main accounts, joint account for bills, food and things for DS, then DH and I have our own. When I go to being SAHM (from this week - yay!) what's left in DH's account after covering the increased payments into the joint account (as I'm not going to be putting anything in anymore) will be split 3 ways, one third goes into our savings account, one third DH will put in my account as my "fun" money (not allowance, I'm not 12!) and he keeps the final third for himself. This works best for us as we know we can spend that share without it impacting on family bills/costs and not have to worry about the other one seeing how much our hobbies (DH) or haircuts (me) cost. We both know that while one might spend it every month or the other save up to get big things, that over the year, we've had the same amount for ourselves each so I don't resent it when I realise there's yet another delivery from wiggle . Plus we both know what's being saved monthly and don't have to budget for that from "our" money.

oh, and a full time nanny would cost DH about 4 times what he gives me each month, that tends to focus the mind on the one working one spending crap - work out what 50% of a full time nanny would cost, (without even looking at what a cleaner costs if you do the bulk of that) if your 'allowance' is less than that, then your DH is "up on the deal".

I was like you, loathe to spend the "family" money in the joint account. So DH gives me a monthly allowance for me to spend on me. He knows that is the only way I would spend money. Nothing to do with him but my odd attitude to money!!!

I always find it interesting how other people do things. I am not keen on the 'big pot' idea, not sure why just have never done it. It never occured to us to get one. DH and I don't have a joint account, never have, and don't suppose we ever will. DH works FT and earns far more than my PT wage, but we both have things we pay for - he pays the mortgage, all bills, food, cars etc, and pays a small amount into my account each month, and I pay my petrol, all kids stuff, like guides, cubs, clubs, clothing, school stuff. He has never paid for a birthday or Xmas present for the kids as i do all that. Oh we do have a joint credit card, but also our own too. I pay for my gym membership (which I use) and all my own clothes, pension, hair cut, etc.

It works for us. DH has been using 'spare' money to over pay the mortgae, and save, and i have some savings too, whcih we use for holidays. I wouldn't want a joint account, I am not sure why, just like my own account.

I have always worked, even when the kids were tiny, so I have always had my own money. DH is very frugal, he would cringe at the amount I spend on handbags and boots - best he doesn't know.