To think that the form for my kids new school should not ask......

[SuedeEffectPochette]

.......for my "christian" name! It's a state school. They must get all sorts of guidance on how not to cause offence. Surely this is a term from the 1950s these days!

Excellant post backonlybriefly.

...it is your husbands name FFS and presumably you chose to take their surname so I don't see how it differs...

Er, no. I am still Miss [Birth name]. No call to refer to me as Mrs anything, or as [DH Initial] anything or as Miss/Ms/Mrs [DH surname] ever. That's rather the point, really.

Nowadays there is or should be no easy assumption that the wife has changed to her husband's name, nor is it right to asdume a married woman is content to be subsumed into her husband's identity and made invisible in this way. And 'etiquette' isn't a good reason to prevent people from choosing how to be addressed. I admit it sometimes makes life easier when you don't know the name or title, but convenience isn't a good reason to default to something so old-fashioned, in my view.

DH and I often get NHS and school things addressed to 'the parents or carers of mini Cleavage' which is a good example of a clear and neutral way of getting around the difficulty.

Some people seem to look for reasons to be offended. I'm an aethiest but in no way would be offended by the term Christian name anymore than I would be offended by surname. Very odd to find it offensive tbh.

YABU

If the form said: "Write your Christian name in this space, you gobshite" then I'd say YADNBU.

The many Muslim and Hindu pupils at my school would find it a bit odd to say they had a Christian name.
First name may not be correct form for everyone but it's correct for a lot more people than Christian name would be.

Eldritch if you have not taken your husbands surname then that is totally different - same way as some people are offended if referred to as Miss if they are Mrs. If you have then people are only using the correct way of addressing you and would probably get slated if they used the 'incorrect' way.

I do not mean to be dismissive of peoples beliefs at all but there are a lot of things in life people can get offended by (and quite rightly so) so I cannot understand it when the thing is not intended to be offensive and has no real effect of them. I would not wish to offend anyone myself but we are all entitled to an opinion.

In my day, , we had to put our religion down and father's occupation on job application forms. The word nationality or country of origin was used, not race/ethnicity.

This is just as pointless as the soft play blocks thread.

What I find bizarre MrsMelons is that you don't see why someone should take issue with being called Mrs Husband initial, husbands name.

MrsDeVere you seem to be jumping on me when many other people in this thread have said similar. Your views are no more right or wrong than mine and we are all entitled to say what we think.

The message I give my children IMO is that I am comfortable with who I am, that is a wife, a mother, a professional plus many other things. I am not an extention of my husband but happy to take his name and be his wife but I completely understand why other people don't. It is a personal preference - I was just saying I can't understand why it is offensive and not just annoying or something.

damnbamboo I have never been called it - just had it on letters or something so have always just thought it to be a bit old fashioned rather than offensive I guess. I am not saying no one should have an issue with it but offensive seems a bit strong.

*I am shocked that people find so many petty things to be offended by -you must have lovely lives if you are offended so easily by such little things!

I also cannot understand about the offence caused my addressing married couples correctly Mr and Mrs A Xxxxxx - its the correctly way of donig it - how is it offensive - it is your husbands name FFS and presumably you chose to take their surname so I don't see how it differs*

If you still stand by this original statement and presume that married women have be default taken their husband surname and that to address this on letter by default is ok, then yes, this is offensive. Why can't you see that? I am also comfortable with who I am for all the reasons you state, not changing my name has nothing to do with that at all.

I'd be surprised and a little concerned about a school (or other publicly funded body) using 'christian name' as their wording. Because it is a fairly archaic term now. I'd think either they hadn't updated their paperwork for a long time, which is a bit disorganised or they were deliberately choosing to use the term (as opposed to the more neutral first name or forename) and I'd wonder why. I've not seen Christian name on anything formal for a very very long time.

I would be very pissed off if anyone ever referred to me as Mrs dh's name surname, and I would make a point of objecting. Why would anyone call a woman by a male first name, it's patently wrong (conforming to old sexist etiquette is no excuse). dh and I have the same first initial so it's less likely to obviously happen I guess, but my first name is my primary identity and I'm certainly not swopping it for dh's name!

I was only referring to those who have changed their names - sorry I wasn't clear on that. I was meaning people that are referred to Mr and Mrs Xxxxxx who do actually have their husbands surname - not those that don't whether they are or aren't married. I get that it would be offensive in the way that someone is not actually addressing you with your correct name and just assuming you are Mrs X.

It may seem odd but I took my husbands name before we were married as we had our DCs first so we could all have the same surname.

And people are complaining about being addressed as "Mr & Mrs Geoffrey Simpleton", not just as "Mr & Mrs Simpleton", Mrs Melons.

1. Let's change it to Given Name and Family Name on all the forms.

1. Let's call every woman Ms regardless of her marital status

1. Any suggestions on how to deal with the father's name/husband's name problem? I mean, I changed my name when I got married because it didn't make much difference to me - I still would have had a man's name. Can't figure out an answer to this one!

I was only talking about a letter being addressed to Mr and Mrs A Xxxxxx nothing else. I agree it would not be right if people actually referred to you in that way.

I really cannot believe people are getting uptight about a form saying 'Christian'. Why is that so offensive for goodness sake? I am a Christian but I know I wouldn't be offended at a form asking for a Christian name. Perhaps its the school's policy to put this on the form.

I think I'm going to have a lie down in a dark room as JK (Jeremy Kyle) would say and before anyone asks its my day off work, I just watched it this morning.

Oh and (echoing LippiPong):

1. Let's stop using the "Mr & Mrs William Windsor" thing too and make it "Mr William and Mrs Catherine Windsor" or just "Mr & Mrs Windsor"

We were talking about crossed puposes slightly - I was meaning having letters addressed to you jointly with your husbands first initial sorry.

I took my husbands surname before we were married, I was still Mrs as not divorced and its slightly long and complicated but basically I was pregnant early in our relationship and it would have resulted in my previous married name being on the birth certificate but we didn't see the point in changing back to my maiden name then getting married and changing it again.