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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I wasn't in the wrong here? (Soft play woman)

90 replies

AnneNonimous · 22/04/2013 17:50

I am entering the realms of soft play with DS now he can walk. Today me and a friend took our DC's to a local soft play. It's quite big so pretty expensive with a separate section for children under 3 and a huge play place for older kids.

I took DS (just turned 1) into the younger section where a woman came in with her son who looked a good few years older than 3. He decided he wanted to make a house with all the soft blocks in the area (and I mean ALL of them) and proceeded to do so while his mum sat reading a magazine. DS already has a thing for joining in with the older boys so toddled over to play and the little boy stopped him from touching any of the blocks. He followed DS around blocking all the soft play equipment. I waited for the mum to say something but she just stared at my DS as if she was expecting me to stop him. After a few minutes I led him away and said loudly 'come on DS some boys aren't taught to share' to which his mum replied 'oh do shut up he's playing with them'.

I told her since he was too big to even be in that area and my son is 1 years old I would have expected him to be able to share SOME of the equipment that was in there. She went back to her magazine and completely ignored me.

It was my first time at one of these places but I have a hard time believing that that's how they work!!

WIBU or was she??

OP posts:

1Catherine1 · 22/04/2013 21:23

Idk, you can talk to other peoples children without parent's getting offended. It really is about how you speak to them. As long as you speak to another's child in the same way you would be happy for someone to speak to yours then there isn't an issue.

I was reluctant to at first when I went to places like that but waiting for mum or dad of the child playing up to notice and getting wound up in the meantime is just too much. The last time I was in your situation, I started helping the little girl (who had taken over) build her tower involving my LO, and then held it up while I suggested she knock it over again. Then they both built it up again. Got an odd look from mum of the other child at one point but it passed. It wasn't the first time a bigger child had taken over and it sure as hell won't be the last.

FWIW though, my daughter is only 2 and is often mistaken for a 3 or 4 year old - until she speaks that is.

sudaname · 22/04/2013 21:29

The trouble with loud PA statements is they don't leave anywhere for the other person to go. Except to the land of cross

WilsonFrickett very well put - exactly what l was thinking but not nearly as eloquently .

AnneEyhtMeyer · 22/04/2013 21:29

Softplay is crap when you have very small DC, as you have to watch them the entire time and every child over 2 and a half looks huge and fast.

But YABU. I would lay money on the child being within the acceptable age range for the small area. My DD is just 4 and is tall for her age, however within her group of friends a couple are the similar heights and a couple she is head and shoulders above, yet they are all within about 3 months of each other in age. At just gone 3 I was berated for her not being in school by a nosy shop assistant. You really can't tell the age of a child by height.

FrancesHouseman · 22/04/2013 21:33

Mylittlepuds, the problem with those t-shirts is they only come in the size fir the age stated on the front! My gargantuan 3 year old wears age 5-6 tops at the moment and they're not baggy!

OP, welcome to the world of soft fucking play. Glad you're taking the comments on board, I often talk directly to the child - it takes a village and all that schizz.

FrancesHouseman · 22/04/2013 21:35

And would agree on the not telling how old they are thing, 3 year old DS is the same size as some of his 6 year old sister's classmates.

SorryMyLollipop · 22/04/2013 21:35

Erm, some children are home-schooled so you can find older children in soft play places during the school day.

YWBU - I agree with previous posters "Please can PFB have some blocks?" directly to the child would have worked better.

LaGuardia · 22/04/2013 21:42

All soft play is the work of the Devil himself. No place is dirtier, has nastier behaviour or worse food than soft play. Avoid.

DoJo · 22/04/2013 23:55

If I think the parent might be offended by my gentle chastisement of their child, I go for 'He's just little and learning how to share - can you show him how big boys do it' which is about a non-confrontational as you can get, but still makes the point. I don't like telling other people's children off too often just in case it causes a problem, but there's usually a way to get the same job done without pissing anyone off.

Emilythornesbff · 23/04/2013 01:20

Soft play is a bit of a nightmare.
But ds loves it and in wet weather it's a godsend.
Older DCs in the toddler section (unless they're those lovely kids who play gently and "help" with their sibs) can be a pita.

My friend employs a sing song tone accompanied by clap- shooing "come on boys, this is for the babies".
I am confrontation phobic soi tell on them
The staff put out an announcement using general rule terms or deal with it directly. It's a common problem I believe.
YWNBU but better to avoid pa statements because they are ineffective and unsatisfying.

OrangeFootedScrubfowl · 23/04/2013 02:24

I would have taken my DC elsewhere and distracted him. Left the older boy to his blocks.
I read on mumsnet ages ago about it being unfair for older children to always have to give up what they're doing for the sake of younger DC and felt guilty because I had just been making a 5yo share a xylophone with her 3yo sister and really, why shouldn't she have been able to play with what she wanted to for a while?

Beatrixpotty · 23/04/2013 07:35

Softplay is a nightmare,horrible smelly & expensive and often ends in tears with collisions & fighting over things.Although it technically wasn't "fair" to play with all the blocks, as a mum of a feisty 3 year old I too might not have intervened, glad he was staying out of trouble.
This kind of thing is common.3 year olds don't automatically share & offer their toys if happily engaged in something.But I'm sure if you had asked him yourself ,or just gone and taken a few blocks for your DS it would have been fine.Loudly insulting his mother was unnecessary and annoying,"share" is probably one of her most overused words!Not surprised you got that response.
Ask the child yourself next time,nobody minds.

MoaneyMcmoanmoan · 23/04/2013 07:41

How do I nominate Wilson Frickett's 'land of cross' for quote of the week in Talk RoundUp?

Love it.

FrenchJunebug · 23/04/2013 09:29

Why didn't you tell the big boy to share?! I usually tell other kids off if they have done something wrong. Perhaps it's a continental thing but it takes a village, etc. Take responsibilities too and don't always expect others to read your mind.

YABU

ruledbyheart · 23/04/2013 09:31

My 3yr old DS is the size of the average 6yr old and my 4yr old is the average size of a 7yr old so yabu to just assume by looking, however u would have probably done the same thing even if the child was young enough to be in there it isn't a reason to allow that sort of behaviour, parents should not allow their children to not share and follow another child to stop them having any fun.

WilsonFrickett · 23/04/2013 09:34

Aw thanks Moaney

aliasjoey · 23/04/2013 09:44

Great quote what would Mary Poppins do?

I'm going to start using that!

aliasjoey · 23/04/2013 09:48

and thanks for mentioning Mumsnet Weekly Talk Roundup - I've just discovered it!

WentOnABearHunt · 23/04/2013 10:00

Stay away from soft play until your child is 3/4 and can play in the big bit and hold there own. if you go when they are little you spend your time getting wound up at other children and parents... you go when they are 2ish and you spend your time being glared at by the parents for the babies.... its a horrid place.

once they can hold their own without you hovering over them or without you having to get yourself all worked up about it then its fine. I have learnt that the hard way. Went to one once when my DS2 was 2ish... only a little local one and it was fine, then this 'baby' group deceded on the place..... must have been about 9 of them 6-8 months old... i ended up leaving as i couldnt bear the evil looks i was getting ecause my 2 year old was running and jumping around. I mean whats even the point of taking them that young???

MyDarlingClementine · 23/04/2013 10:12

The trouble with loud PA statements is they don't leave anywhere for the other person to go. Except to the land of cross.

MyDarlingClementine · 23/04/2013 10:23

Next time, dont look like you are annoyed or worried and slip to the staff and ask them to ask the older child to leave.

sudaname · 23/04/2013 10:41

Yes MDC that seems to be quote of the thread, brilliant isn't it, l commented on it before, it is so true and l for one will never ever use that tactic again

That is to say next time l hold a door for someone and they breeze through without a word l will stop saying 'Dont mention it - Oh no you didnt' Instead l will either let the door go it go over my head or if it really bothers me l will challenge them and say 'Could you grab the door please l cant hold it any longer'.

sudaname · 23/04/2013 10:44

this > let the door go I still have work to do on the new me obviously

MyDarlingClementine · 23/04/2013 10:47

Yes me too Sudaname.

Wow she has collectively also changed our behaviours the world will be a much more straight forward place.

although sometimes I do want to make someone cross when they have behaved rudely

sudaname · 23/04/2013 11:02

we can now just contain all our PA urges under strikeouts

WilsonFrickett · 23/04/2013 11:05

My work here is done.

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