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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be dreading picking my DD up from school today :( :(

27 replies

Lucyellensmum95 · 22/04/2013 13:44

I'm such a twat - in my time honoured way, i forgot - well procrastinated because these sort of things make me anxious Hmm putting a form in for an after school club that my DD wants to do. I was sure it would be OK (WHY FFS, these thins always get full) so went in the office this morning to clarify and its bloody full :(

My DD is going to be inconsolable, especially as it was a bribe to get her to do after school club as i am no longer working (again due to my FUCKING anxiety) so I can't afford to pay for after school care that i don't need.

HOW am i going to make it up to her??? She is going to have the mother of all meltdowns (it is fair to say that she can be a tad spoilt!) but its not that, im upset because she will be so sad.

I am such a shit mother - All it took was a phone call/filling a form in Angry

OP posts:
dexter73 · 22/04/2013 13:46

Personally I don't think you need to do anything to make it up to her and you aren't a bad mother. Just tell her the club is full. That's all there is to it.

Original poster
Lucyellensmum95 · 22/04/2013 13:47

But i sent her to school thinking she was going, its only full because i didn't put the form in, its not her fault :(

OP posts:
Kiriwawa · 22/04/2013 13:48

She doesn't need to know that it's because you forgot to put the form in. It might have been full anyway, even if you had got the form in on time.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time but she really needs to learn how to deal with disappointment

diddl · 22/04/2013 13:49

But she doesn't have to know that you were late putting the form in...

StuntGirl · 22/04/2013 13:50

Agree, just tell her the club was full. Don't beat yourself up.

Queenofknickers · 22/04/2013 13:52

You aren't a shit mother AT ALL - you have an illness. I can totally relate to the anxiety about forms etc. Does head teacher know you are ill? When I told my DSs head she did everything she could to help - including getting DS into a club he would have missed because of me....

Please please don't beat yourself up - you wouldn't if you had a broken leg ..... Big unMN hugs Smile

DeWe · 22/04/2013 13:53

"Sorry, but it was full when I went to ask about it. We'll try and sort it out quicker next term".

Do not tell her "mummy's fault" or anything like that. It won't make it better, and she will just resent you, and feel she has reason for behaving badly.

Offer her an ice cream on the way home. I always tell my dc they can't cry with an ice cream. It's the law. Grin

fieldfare · 22/04/2013 13:53

Just tell her the club was full, she doesn't need to know when the form went in.
She'll just have to deal with it unfortunately, why not have something planned instead that she might enjoy? Biscuit decorating, go by the park on the way home, choose what to have for dinner? Etc.

Original poster
Lucyellensmum95 · 22/04/2013 13:56

I might let her help me make some jam - that would be extra mummy points wouldn't it?? She is so going to have a melt down and i just don't want to end up with me getting cross with her when its my bloody fault but she will have a brat attack over it. Arse

OP posts:
EggwiniasRevenge · 22/04/2013 13:58

lucy it will be OK.

I have forgotten so many times to fill in forms, pay credit cards, renew library books because of my depression and anxiety.

It doesn't make you a bad mother.

Is there something else you could do with her. Take her to the park/swimming/cafe for a milkshake? I understand what others are saying that she needs to learn to deal with disappointment. But I know that you are as disappointed and angry with yourself as you are for her. You need to do something that will compensate for yourself as much as for your DD

Original poster
Lucyellensmum95 · 22/04/2013 13:59

Thanks Egg :) I am thinking cream tea actually ;)

OP posts:
Fudgemallowdelight · 22/04/2013 14:02

I'd just say "Unfortunately the club was full up, but let's go to the park and have cake/ice cream as a treat."

EggwiniasRevenge · 22/04/2013 14:03

Great. When and where am I meeting you Wink?

Snoopingforsoup · 22/04/2013 14:05

Whether I'm going through an anxious phase or not, I forget things. We all do. You are not a bad mum for that.

You're an anxious mum being mean to yourself.

There is often a race in life for everything these days: last bag of spuds in the supermarket, Take That tickets, parking space near school....honestly, she'll be fine. Character building stuff and if she gets to go next term, she may appreciate it even more.

Enjoy your cream tea.

DeWe · 22/04/2013 14:05

Lucy, I would give her a choice. Gives her something to think about.
"Would you like to go to the park and have an ice cream, go and have tea at McDonalds, or make jam (and possibly scones) with mummy. Then we can watch a DVD together."

Sometimes it's the simpler things they love. If I offer ds a treat, he thinks having a very hot bubble bath with me is a huge treat. Confused

EggwiniasRevenge · 22/04/2013 14:30

I agree....choice will soften the blow in most instances,,,

EssexGurl · 22/04/2013 14:31

Don't beat yourself up. Clubs get full very quickly. DS's school did an after school club where even though he got his form in the minute he got into school, he didn't get in. It was the only after school club when he was Y1 (typically they don't start them until Y2 at his school) and so EVERY parent wanted it. I heard a rumour that some parents had left them on the teachers desk the night before (we are not supposed to go into classrooms after school) so they would definitely get in.

Oh - and you are not a bad mum. If you were, you wouldn't be so upset about it now, would you?

Margetts · 22/04/2013 14:37

Don't get stressed over it.
Tell your daughter the club was full, but that she may get a chance next term. When you come home from school why don't you spend some time with your daughter in the garden blowing bubbles, or playing football etc. this should make her feel special and it doesn't cost any money!

ColouringInQueen · 22/04/2013 14:37

Echo other wisdom - just tell her it was full. Understand her disappointment and give her a choice of a couple of nice things instead.

On a separate note, like Queenofknickers I told DC's deputy head (head out that day) what was going on with me. No noticeable impact but actually found it helpful to know they were keeping a little bit of an extra eye out for us? Not easy to do though Wink

I have you both have a good time after school x

catslave · 22/04/2013 14:39

Just offer her an alternative treat and the promise you'll be quicker next time.

I'm having to do this as we missed out on school camp this term (30 places when there are 65 in the year Angry ) as I had to drop everything and deal with my elderly father having a fall on the day the forms came out. By the time I was back home the next day, all places were gone and he's now 14th on the waiting list... not a hope in hell, then

Life is full of disappointments, so unfortunately this is good training. The point to make is that if you miss out on one thing, something else will eventually come along - the next trip, next term's shot at the club, etc...

schobe · 22/04/2013 14:42

I do this

Ask the office if they can let you know if anyone drops out? Keep popping in and checking after that?

cumfy · 22/04/2013 15:10

Isn't there a standby list if someone drops out ?

Surely you're now 1st on the list the next time it comes round ?

What other classes are there she could do ?

Original poster
Lucyellensmum95 · 22/04/2013 15:47

Happy happy happy the lady said she could go so relieved she was getting changed!! Celebrating with a cream tea all to myself :)

OP posts:
ryanboy · 22/04/2013 15:50

Please don't be upset.Just tell her there were more children wanting to do it than spaces.
This will sound very harsh but life is full of minor disappointments, and learning to cope with them calmly is a life skill.

KansasCityOctopus · 22/04/2013 15:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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