Mixed race

[Doubtfuldaphne]

A silly question really..
Aibu to tick 'mixed race' on my dd's forms? My dh is half Asian half English .. He always just ticks 'white' but I feel a bit sad that he's not acknowledging his Asian background. For my dd I usually tick 'mixed'
It's not all about box ticking.. It's more acknowledging my dd's heritage..

[Doubtfuldaphne]

Imour, as soon as I saw your early post about this turning in to an argument I thought you were trouble. I have no idea why it should end in argument at all.

I find it really interesting reading about everyone else's experiences and backgrounds. As my dd is only young I can't let her choose for herself yet what she will class herself as but I am carrying on teaching her about Hindu traditions and about Bangladesh while at the same time our Christian traditions and the country we are in.
We celebrate Christmas and we celebrate Diwali for example.

I think it's a beautiful way to be brought up and I think she'll be open minded, accepting and balanced.

[Doubtfuldaphne]

Forehead- My dh was raised by his English mum as his Asian father died when he was very young. They suffered a LOT of racism and ended up moving house many times to escape it.
He was bullied throughout school for being the only non white child in the school and his mother Didnt teach him anything about his fathers background or their traditions.
Only now are we starting to learn more about his fathers background and the country and religion and he's very happy now. I hope this makes more sense as to why he is sometimes in a way not acknowledging his ancestry. He deserves a lot of respect - people do have their reasons

[somewherewest]

I don't tick those boxes on principle because I don't like categorising by 'race'. If I did box tick I would be a very straightforward 'white Irish', but to me Irishness is a citizenship not an ethnicity (we Irish are mongrels just like everyone else ) and 'whiteness' is a completely bizarre, arbitrary concept.

[beatricequimby]

My children are quarter Asian, three-quarters White. I always tick mixed race, for myself and for them. Its just who we are. I look Asian enough to have been called 'Paki' a fair bit when I was younger, so I don't think I could ever have thought of myself as white.

All my children have Indian names and I try to talk to them about their Indian heritage. I do wonder how meaningful it will be for them growing up here though, as we don't have any living Indian relatives in the UK for them to get to know and we can't afford to go to India. Thankfully they haven't encountered racism yet and definitely see being part-Indian as a positive thing.

Doubtfuldaphne - sounds like we might have similar backgrounds (Hindu/Bangladesh) Have you taken your dd to Bangladesh?

[beatricequimby]

Doubtfuldaphne - I totally understand why your dh has not wanted to acknowledge his Asian ancestry. I think its really, really hard for a child when the reality of being mixed race means experiencing racism, without any other positive aspects. Good luck with exploring your dh's roots.

[Doubtfuldaphne]

Hi beatricequimby, It's so nice to hear from someone with very similar backgrounds! We don't have the money to go to Bangladesh sadly but my SIL lived there for a while and has now come back. Where abouts in Bangladesh are your family?
Also where are you in the uk?
I hope one day we Will make it over there to meet them all and I hope my dd takes a big interest in her background. The furthest mine goes back to is Canning town so it's got to be a little more exciting for her!

[Doubtfuldaphne]

Do you have a Bangladeshi community centre near you? There's one where I live.. Might be fun!

[nulgirl]

Interesting thread. I'm never quite sure what to put for my dc's on these forms because although they appear to be "white British" my husband is French. Does being half-French make them mixed race? They have a french surname that no one can ever pronounce but I'm not sure of any reason why the nationality of my dh would be worth noting.

[FreudiansSlipper]

i never deny my heritage just sometimes i do not think it is relevant and other times i cba with the questions that come along with it other times i think what does it matter

i have a few members of my family that claim they are european, they are very dark skinned but have european names it is very sad that they have been raised to think they are less worthy because of this but there are many reasons why people to not always acknowledge their heritage

[OldBeanbagz]

It's all about personal choice so your DH should chose what he feels is right for him.

I'm half Asian, half English and always tick Mixed-Race for myself and for my children who are only ¼ Asian.

My DH argues that our DC are white but since i fill in most forms, i get to choose. I think it'll be interesting to see what they pick for themselves when they're older.

[giveitago]

Nul - in the sense of british mixed race I don't think being white english with french counts as mixed raced. My df is part english part french and I would never tick the mixed race box for tha

.of course course your dh's surname is of huge significance - it's his heritage


I tick mixed race because my dm is indian.

However, I'm reluctant to do it these days unless ds actually gets something out of it. It's not particularly relevant to me and my life. I live the life of someone who has dual cultures. Just don't need to demonstrate it to anyone else.

[Doubtfuldaphne]

I agree beanbagz, my dh says 'oh just put white' and I think no! I'm proud she is mixed race but he just sees it as easier.
On a slightly different note, do your 1/4 Asian dc's look Asian at all? My SIL is a lot darker skinned than dh but her ds is very very fair. My dd is olive skinned with blue eyes and blonde/brown hair.

[breatheslowly]

The tick boxes are really confusing when they add elements of nationality into the mix as it is easy to see that some elements of "race" as described on forms are inherited, where as other appear not to be. So if your Dad is "Asian" and your Mum is "White British" in the terminology of the forms then you might choose "Mixed Race". But if your Dad is "White Irish" and your Mum "White British" then you are "White British". What if you have two "White Irish" parents but were born and raised in the UK? Is being "White British" dominant and "White Other" recessive like genes?

[Doubtfuldaphne]

Now that is confusing!

[LittlePeaPod]

I have not read all posts. OP I am of mixed ancestry. What your husband chooses to put on his forms is his choice. Alternately he may relate to his white ancestry more, maybe its anothervreason only he truely knows. No ones business but his. I personally mark my forms as mixed race (Africa / Britiish). My children will be marked as mixed even though my DF is white but that is our choose again and once old enough they can mark ut as they please. I think you need to do what you believe is right but I admire you for trying to ensure your children understand their ancestry (a form doesn't do that). Alternately your children will eventually make their own choice but for now you have to do what you believe is right and feel comfortable with.

[elQuintoConyo]

Ds is:

25% Irish
37.5% English
25% Spanish
10% French
3% German

So, which box does he tick?

[seeker]

I am a big mixture- but I am British by nationality, and my mixed bits are all European, so I am White British. I honestly can't see why people find this difficult- particularly as there are no wrong answers- you simply self identify.

[OldBeanbagz]

Doubtfuldaphne my DS is a lot darker (skin & hair) than his older sister and they both have brown eyes.

I'm a slightly paler than my older sister but her DC are both paler than mine despite the fact that both our husbands have a very similar (white) skin colouring.

elQuintoConyo that's definiately mixed!

[seeker]

No you're not, breathe slowly- he could be Irish if hechose to be. That's the point, it's self identification. My children have, probably, about 60 % Irish blood in their veins- dd calls herself Irish sometimes, depending on what she's been reading, but ds is determinedly English. Same parents, different perceptions,

[Doubtfuldaphne]

Thanks little peapod :)

If I go into more detail then it's pretty much the same here elquinto! I'm Irish Spanish British (but mostly British really) and dh is Asian Scottish. My dd is quite a mix! I guess most people are when traced back far enough!

[PhyllisDoris]

My DDs are half Irish, half Welsh - which technically makes them mixed race. The ethnicity form at their school has a box for White British, Irish, and various combinations if Asian/black African/black Caribean etc, but no "mixed white" option.
Interesting.

[seeker]

If you are a mixture of Welsh, Irish Scottish and English then, unless you choose to be one of them in particular, you are white British. That's what British means!

[louisianablue2000]

DH is half hispanic, half British. I'm British. We currently identify the DC as British, following the 75% rule that is used in cattle breeding (spot the farmer's daughter). DH and his siblings all identify as different 'races' and the DC look very northern european so it almost seems unnecessary to identify them as something else.

The form ticking is a joke though, DH gets so annoyed at all the European variations so always ticks other (in the UK I've never seen a form that has Hispanic as an option even).

[AmberLeaf]

PhyllisDoris How is that technically mixed race?

They are white.

Or were you joking?

[Knottingnotknitting]

How long do you think it will be before we are all the same ethnicity? At some point in the future surely we'll all be so mixed race it will negate any box ticking - couple of hundred years maybe?