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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mixed race

159 replies

Doubtfuldaphne · 21/04/2013 21:50

A silly question really..
Aibu to tick 'mixed race' on my dd's forms? My dh is half Asian half English .. He always just ticks 'white' but I feel a bit sad that he's not acknowledging his Asian background. For my dd I usually tick 'mixed'
It's not all about box ticking.. It's more acknowledging my dd's heritage..

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 22/04/2013 15:15

imour

Why should you look anything up?

Well, if you did, then you would know the difference between nigger/paki/coloured/half caste and mixed race from a historical context and why for that reason it is unlikely that the term mixed race will go the same way.

Your comment didn't have to be to me, this is a discussion board, people discuss things, that's how it works.

Mannequinkate Thank you.

KirjavaTheCat · 22/04/2013 15:18

Imour those terms upset people for valid reasons Hmm

There's nothing offensive about the term mixed race. It doesn't imply that you are less-than, half-than, not-quite-there, just because you were born of two races.

By saying it'll 'upset someone eventually', even though there's nothing wrong with mixed race, suggests in my mind that you are saying there was nothing wrong with the other terms, it's just that people got all uppity and sensitive about them and they had to be changed. That's quite offensive.

AmberLeaf · 22/04/2013 15:21

quedasdilla

Yes I see your point Smile

My problem with the word "heritage" in this usage is that it suggests a deep cultural connection

I don't think thats true really, I have scottish heritage, but I don't have a particularly deep cultural connection with scotland, but I still very much acknowledge it.

In this case it just isn't true that there is a "heritage" in the proper sense of the word

Well, obviously from my point above, I would disagree with that, heritage isn't something you can deny really IMO.

It assumes that "identity" is an automatic product of your racial background and I just don't think it's a simple calculation

I sort of agree, as I don't think in all cases identity is automatic, thats sort of my point.

A child can grow up from an ethnically pure background (black, white or whatever) and identify completely outside that background for reasons known to him or herself

Yes maybe, but they would still have the same heritage regardless.

AmberLeaf · 22/04/2013 15:31

Sorry, missed your post before Southeastdweller Thanks Smile

imour · 22/04/2013 15:31

kirjava i didnt say mixed race is offensive , but it will upset someone , people get uppity and sensitive over anything , i think you should all re read things and see im not being nasty by saying the term will upset at least one odd ball :)

Knottingnotknitting · 22/04/2013 16:11

My dsis finds the term mixed race offensive and always has - says it makes her feel like she is the product of the human race and something else, alien.

Sadly there aren't usually enough boxes for White British afro carribbean white european scandinavian polynesian.

I usually tick other, but my pedantic dsis likes to tick any/all that apply! ;)

Knottingnotknitting · 22/04/2013 16:12

Massive capitals fail, sorry Blush

digerd · 22/04/2013 16:29

I have a problem with calling myself 'white' or any 'caucasian', as they say in US, as I find that a ridiculous description. I am not white in colour.

I have seen a white person and that was my dad in his coffin having died 10 days before. He looked like a statue.

I am pink < indignant face>

I also like the "just one race - the human race" and I have no specific religious belief.

ComposHat · 22/04/2013 16:43

I am pink

True, no one is actually white. I think we should get the NF/BNP under the trades descriptions act and force them to alter their rhetoric. 'Pink power' and 'rights for pinks' seems altogether less threatening.

JackieTheFart · 22/04/2013 16:52

Sorry, I haven't read the whole thread (I will later when I have time).

My dad is Greek Cypriot, born in Cyprus to two Cypriots. He came over here when he was not even two and identifies as British. He has olive skin and curly hair, when it was darker he often was asked if he had an 'ethnic background'.

Is he British or Greek Cypriot? Or a mix? My mum is white British, no other places outside of the UK that we know of. I identify as 'other' mostly. I am white British, and I look white British, but there are other facets to my background.

My children are therefore 1/4 Greek Cypriot and 3/4 white British. Are they mixed?

I don't really get why it is important, other than individually I mean.

FreudiansSlipper · 22/04/2013 16:59

it can be important for medical reasons

also some people part of their culture has been very much oppressed and being in a mixed race relationship was frowned upon

JackieTheFart · 22/04/2013 17:01

Good point Freudian, hadn't considered that.

Which is daft considering Thallassaemia is carried by Mediterranean folk such as myself Blush. I am a carrier, I should have known that!

I think I was probably remembering being asked when I got my children library cards Confused

Punkatheart · 22/04/2013 17:21

I am sallow.

My mother and father had a lot of problems - him a very tall pale Brummie and my mother a short, curvaceous Indian woman. They stood out.

Please don't become unpleasant imour. You say that you should have an opinion but call someone else who also has an opinion as an oddball. 'Look it up' is a valid point. The same valid point is - for example - if you look up why 'Red Indian' is insulting, you can educate yourself. When settlers came to America, they saw a tribe who reddened their faces and called them Red Indians. But then they called every Indian they saw as Red Indians, which is similar to throwing around 'Paki' despite the geography. I was called 'Paki' at school by many geographical ignorant people. I didn't like it and it caused genuine distress. So yes - 'looking it up' educating oneself in the big world is important.

Punkatheart · 22/04/2013 17:22

What I meant is that there are many different tribes of Native American Indians. My family is from Bombay, not Pakistan.

Latara · 22/04/2013 17:29

My Nan is ethnically Jewish (which is important for her GP to know as she has specific problems with anaemia that Jewish people can get (sorry i don't know the name of the exact type of anaemia she has).

She will not tell her GP or anyone else of her ethnicity (she converted to Christianity very young with her family).

The problem is that she grew up in the 1930s & 40s when there was a very real threat of Blackshirts, and of Nazi invasion, so her family were very scared of them. & that fear has never left her.

lljkk · 22/04/2013 17:32

Those of you struggling with race identity angst may wish to listen to some of Trevor Noah's routines. Very funny, & relevant.

I'm in the camp of people choosing for themselves.

MrsBombastic · 22/04/2013 17:33

Just for the record, these forms have a purpose... they make up the info stored on the consensus and it's how hospitals get their funding.

Depending on your heritage depends on what illness you are prone to as some races are more prone to certain illness than others such as heart disease, sickle cell, TB ect...

So why we may find it intrusive it IS important info.

ComposHat · 22/04/2013 17:41

I was called 'Paki' at school by many geographical ignorant people

Yes I remember a spectacularly obnoxious and thick young person I worked with at Social Services, who told me he wanted to join the Army so he could go and shoot 'all the Pakis in Iraqi.'

To dimwitted racists, everyone from the Indian sub continent, the middle east and north Africa, along with parts of Russia and China is a Paki.

imour · 22/04/2013 17:41

punkatheart so oddball is offensive is it lmfao what isnt nowadays :) , go have a Brew and a Biscuit and calm down its getting a joke on here now .

ComposHat · 22/04/2013 17:48

Oh yes, I forgot...where I grew up there was family from Hong Kong (who had lived in the UK for years) and they awoke one morning to find 'Pakis go home' sprayed on their windows.

After the shock wore off, they must have been really puzzled by that.

Punkatheart · 22/04/2013 17:50

Oh your poor nan Latara. It must be horrible for her.

imour - you do have a very unfortunate manner. It's actually becoming interesting on here - not a joke at all. People's experiences of mixed race can be extremely illuminating. Do try calling the next person you see 'an oddball' and that should show how offensive it actually is to them. Thanks so much for the cuppa.

You are so right, ComposHat. But idiots show themselves up.

imour · 22/04/2013 18:08

if you actually read what i said punkatheart i didnt call anyone an odd ball , i said you might find one oddball (tongue in cheek )who will find the term mixed race offensive one day, as most people think not one person ever will , but already some one has said they know some who is upset by the term , please educate your self , look up what has been said ,stop jumping to the wrong conclusions , some people do not read it all , make wrong assumptions , and then look ignorant .

breatheslowly · 22/04/2013 19:13

I get a bit confused about whether I am white British or not. I am white and I was born in Britain, but my "heritage" is entirely immigrants, some recent, some less recent, but I definitely don't have British ancestors.

Punkatheart · 22/04/2013 19:51

You are British, breatheslowly - but with roots.

forehead · 22/04/2013 20:09

I find it extremely depressing that some posters think that it is ok to deny their ancestry.
I think that it is better that they don't tick the box , than tick the 'wrong'
box.
I would not respect a man who did not acknowledge his ancestry(whatever it is) as i would feel that he was ashamed of his ancestry.