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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that my dh wouldn't be so laid back about bedtimes if he was the one who had to get them up for school in the morning

61 replies

chocoholic05 · 21/04/2013 21:30

dh obviously can't take them to school because he has to leave for work at 630. The dc are a nightmare to get up in the morning and to get ready. I therefore want them to go to bed at a reasonable time. However every night dh is the same. Saying its only 7 or 730 or 745 or whatever. aaah its so frustrating! Angry

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redskyatnight · 21/04/2013 21:44

Well ... it sort of depends. How old are the DC and how much sleep do you think they need? 7/7.30/7.45 not particularly unreasonable depending on both of these.

I know with my DC, DS will be jumping out of bed pretty much regardless of what time he goes to bed, whereas DD is much harder.

McNewPants2013 · 21/04/2013 21:45

what time does he get home.

likesnowflakesinanocean · 21/04/2013 21:48

dp is like this, they can take an age to get into bed. but since I'm the one who does all the hollering in the morning when I've asked seven times why Noone is having breakfast at 8am they go to bed when I say and he has to accept it. if he let's them stay up then in the morning its up to him to chivvy along sleepy grumpy small folk

Original poster
chocoholic05 · 21/04/2013 21:50

they are 5 and 7. They are tired in the evening and if they go to bed late they are very difficult to get up in the morning. Even when they go to bed they don't go to sleep straight away as they have stories etc but that's fine by me. They go to sleep and settle quite quickly after that though so not being tired etc is not an issue

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Original poster
chocoholic05 · 21/04/2013 21:53

yes it should be up to me when they go to bed. I just know that tomorrow morning I will be dragging them out of bed with cries of I'm so tired and I don't want to go to school etc etcSad

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BlackeyedSusan · 21/04/2013 21:53

ah yes. I shall have the same problem in the morning, when dad has left and buggered off home. one to get to school and a poorly one to take along for the ride. small boy will not be happy going to school when big sister is at home ill.

likesnowflakesinanocean · 21/04/2013 21:55

I hate it when they go to bed late the next morning I have to say the same things ten times over and they bicker more too

Original poster
chocoholic05 · 21/04/2013 21:58

exactly but dh won't be there though to witness all this will he? Sad

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Snazzynewyear · 21/04/2013 21:59

If they're saying they're tired in the mornings, then they need to go to bed earlier. That's even without considering what you need to make life manageable in the mornings. Tell your DH that since they tell you every morning they are tired, they need more sleep. Early bedtime it is.

McNewPants2013 · 21/04/2013 22:01

i would get him to book a week off work and do the school runs.

Original poster
chocoholic05 · 21/04/2013 22:04

I've tried telling him but he has this attitude of out of sight out of mind for a lot of things. They are so hard to get out of bed and especially to wake up. They really are tired in the mornings

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Original poster
chocoholic05 · 21/04/2013 22:06

hmm a week off work? Tempting but I would rather he saved his leave for the holidays

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PoppyWearer · 21/04/2013 22:07

BlackEyedSusan sympathies, I have a poorly one too. I put my foot down and have insisted DH go to work late tomorrow, so he can take DC1 to school and poorly DC2 doesn't have to be dragged out.

Funnily enough, DH got quite insistent on early bedtime once we had agreed that! He is also normally quite relaxed about it....

MintyyAeroEgg · 21/04/2013 22:10

What time do you want them to get up?

My dc have never gone to bed before 8pm and have never got up before 7am (except when they were toddlers) but that suits me fine as we don't have to leave for school run until 8.45. Dh very rarely leaves the house for work before 9am.

I prefer later get ups to later go-to-beds, tbh.

Jinsei · 21/04/2013 22:11

What time do you need to get them up, OP?

Original poster
chocoholic05 · 21/04/2013 22:14

we have to leave the house by 815 at the very latest. They are so slow getting ready as they are so tired. I need to have woken them up by 730 at the absolute latest and really that is pushing it imo 715 is better.

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Doubtitsomehow · 21/04/2013 22:21

It sounds as if you need to get the message home to your DH, op.

What does he say when you discuss it? Can you agree a time and stick to it?

It sounds unfair on the children as well as on you; it must be miserable getting up and going to school,when feeling so tired.

Jinsei · 21/04/2013 22:24

It seems odd that they're both so tired at that time if they're sleeping at the times you mention. Or are they actually going to sleep a lot later because your DH let's them stay up? How much sleep do you think they actually need? Yanbu to enforce an early bedtime if they clearly aren't getting enough, but they don't get up particularly early so I'm surprised.

Snazzynewyear · 21/04/2013 22:50

This NHS advice page suggests that 5 yos need 11 hours a night and 7 yos need 10.5 hours. Of course this will vary from one chid to another. My DS loves his sleep and will sleep easily for 11 hours or more, but he is bouncy then when he gets up. These DC aren't which suggests however much sleep they're getting atm it's not enough.

SpanishFly · 21/04/2013 23:07

I'm surprised that they tell you they're tired. My ds1 would never admit he's tired as he knows it'd be early to bed that night.

What time do they ACTUALLY go to sleep? Kids shouldn't be "so tired" that they go on about it every morning and take forever to get dressed as a result (every morning).

What time do they sleep until on days off?

StuntGirl · 21/04/2013 23:36

Quite frankly I'd simply put my foot down and tell him he needs to get on side with me on this, and that it's non-negotiable. His opinion on it is utterly irrelevant when he does not see or deal with it at all. If you say they are too tired to function in the mornings because you are the one who sees them and deals with the fall out of that tiredness, then you get to call the shots.

You say he works early. Does he come home late too? Could it be that he wants to be able to spend more time with them and that's why he's being so lax about bedtimes?

Kungfutea · 22/04/2013 01:51

Oooh, I have a similar problem. DH is a great dad but a bit of a pushover and not very organized with kids. He leaves for work early (before 6) and is home to pick kids up from school. I work regular hours plus commute plus rarely manage to leave at 5 on the dot so usually home too late to sort out the evening. My heart sinks when I walk in at 8 and they're still doing homework.

We all have to be up at 6.15 and they're a nightmare to wake up so clearly need more sleep as they end up with dark circles around their eyes by the end of the week.

DH agrees and agrees but doesn't manage to do it!!! There's always a reason why not.

You have my sympathies OP!!!

Sugarice · 22/04/2013 06:19

What time are they going to bed?

Original poster
chocoholic05 · 22/04/2013 07:11

this'll be quick as I should be getting ready. Dh quite often works long hours. He varies what time he gets home usually by 630. But yesterday was Sunday and he's always off weekends. it's not always its always its only 730 etc for the bedtime sometimes it's regarding bath time or its only 730 let them watch half an hour of tv first etc etc. Anyway got to go I'm going in to wake them up! !!

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Original poster
chocoholic05 · 22/04/2013 07:12

by 630 latest. Tonight should be home by 5 etc

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