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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think kids watching tv is a bit of a waste of their life?

316 replies

Amykins35 · 21/04/2013 13:14

My daughter is 5 and her father and I are separated. When she has contact, she usually watches at least 5 films over the course of a weekend. On the other hand, here we used to go to the cinema on some of my weekends before her baby sister was born and that was the only thing she watched. We didn't even have a TV at home until 4 months ago. In the winter we had a film night on my Fridays where we baked cakes then snuggled on the sofa with teddies to watch a film and eat our cakes. But now the weather is finally brightening up we'll be going to the park/walking the dog/playing in the garden on those Fridays and so she probably won't watch anything here til next winter.
I read a few weeks ago that kids in the UK watch an average of 3 hours tv per day and that makes me sad as I really do think its a waste of their lives. Also, I don't understand where people find time for their kids to watch tv - my daughter goes to bed much later than her friends but we still run out of time to do everything she/we wanted to do. A typical day is:
7.30: she wakes up and gets ready while playing with DD2
7.45: breakfast
8.00: leave to walk/scoot/bike 2 miles to school

After school:
I usually drive to collect her so we can pop home for a snack before after school activities which usually finish at 6. She then plays/draws/reads while I cook tea, tea usually finished by 7 when we walk the dog, back home for homework, bath, stories and bed usually around 8.45.

There just isn't time in the day for tv and I don't understand where people find the time for it. If DD isn't doing an activity she likes to trampoline/paint/have tea parties etc after school and I think the amount of TV she watches at her fathers is a waste of his contact time. Before I get flamed and told my DD needs to rest and relax which may be why she watches TV at her dads - drawing and listening to stories are relaxing too. My DD never asks to watch TV here even if worn out - which is very rare indeed! AIBU to think watching TV is a bit of a waste of children's lives when there are so many more fun things they could be doing?

OP posts:

IntheFrame · 21/04/2013 23:12

So he has a doll's house and a tea set complete with dolls/teddies does he. I don't know your ex's circumstances but most ex's I know have a pretty un child friendly home where they work, eat and watch TV. It's fairly standard if you don't have children 24/7.
Yes he could do more interactive stuff but your whole life is children whereas I expect he really doesn't have a clue/any interest. I have lots of girlfriends that don' t have children and although they are lovely have no idea how to entertain my DS because it's not what they do.

McNewPants2013 · 21/04/2013 23:12

ds is 7 ( well in a few weeks) and dd is 3 years 10months.

I do 1/2 agree with you that TV shouldn't be the only option of entertainment but i do struggle.

DS is a danger to himself, he doesn't see danger

DebsMorgan · 21/04/2013 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Amykins35 · 21/04/2013 23:16

Intheframe - he has a child so he needs to get a clue and take an interest. She is perfectly capable of telling him what she wants to do but he fobs her off telling her that there isn't enough time when actually he's too lazy

OP posts:

McNewPants2013 · 21/04/2013 23:19

I don't think the tv is the problem, but that lack of interaction.

DebsMorgan · 21/04/2013 23:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Amykins35 · 21/04/2013 23:20

Debs - it is healthy when it's a choice but it disturbs me that so many people see it as a necessity and couldn't cope without it. It makes me sad to think of DD sitting on her own in her room watching TV while he has friends over etc. Here she talks about the film and asks questions from beginning to end!

OP posts:

OhHullitsOnlyMeYoni · 21/04/2013 23:25

I didn't have tv much when I was young (mum v. strict and would have been horrified if I had watched Grange Hill, for example) and anything I did watch was monitored and it was turned off after an hour or so.
I used to LOVE going to my dad's and have him take me to the video shop to select a couple of movies! I could go back to school and actually talk about something 'fashionable' - it helps children bond.
I also thought I would not be a tv person with DD but she loves Peppa Pig so we have a few DVD's of that and Maisy. She loves CBeebies and I have also found it teaches her lots - she picked up counting from watching about 3 episodes of Numtums! I don't have it on all of the time, as we are also out most days, but having tea with home made biccies (we do activities too ya see), MN on laptop while she watches Abney & Teal in the evenings has become a bit of a routine!

Plomino · 21/04/2013 23:26

My name is plomino and my 5 children are tv watchers . So sue me . Your 5 yr old and your baby aren't . How lovely for you .

This weekend I have : cooked and iced 50 fairy cakes with DS4 and DD2 , walked greyhounds with Ds1 and DS 3 , and discussed the operational policing strategy of Boston contrasted with the response of london's Met Police in the July bombings in 2005 with DS2 .

We have also watched every episode of the Simpsons since they began and it is now a) a family tradition and b) often starts a family wide giggle as we are not unconvinced that we are in fact , the Simpsons.

Furthermore , DS3 loves Nigella . He often curls up next to me when he's not well saying ' I come watch Nigella wit yooooo ' , and then lays there with a dreamy look on his face .

He may get that from watching with his grandad though ..

Does other people's tv watching proclivities affect you ? Not in the slightest . So let them be . You can carry on doing whatever amazing things you like , and she'll be exactly the same as everyone else at 15 . Stroppy , monosyllabic , and glued to her phone . Same as my pfb , who did the whole organic cake making , musical toddler art group Montessori route.

As you said , the days are warming up . Maybe her dad might do as you have done , and change his routine to take account of the warmer weather.

serin · 21/04/2013 23:27

Amy, my DC's love rock climbing, kayaking (they have their own) camping, surfing, sailing, they all play instuments, can name most British Birds, Moths and Mammals.........

But I have never met kids that have watched as much telly as them!

They totally love it, they watch Merlin and Harry Potter on a loop and can still remember every song from Horrible Histories!

DD takes her GCSE's soon, she is predicted 13, none less than an A.

My point is, they need down time.

I personally would be more worried about the level of emissions your daughter is ingesting on that congested walk to school than on her level of TV consumption.

Original poster

Amykins35 · 21/04/2013 23:28

I'm sorry but I disagree with the whole 'she must watch it or won't fit in at school' thing. When she tells her friends what she's been doing they ask if they can come do it too - they don't berate her for not having watched Peppa Pig like them

OP posts:

OhHullitsOnlyMeYoni · 21/04/2013 23:31

I just wanted to tell you my experience as your set up sounds very like mine as a child. That is all.

SirBoobAlot · 21/04/2013 23:33

TV or music on here constantly for background noise. DS tends to choose which. Doesn't mean that's all he's paying attention to, doesn't mean that's all we do. But he's similar to me in that he likes some kind of noise going on. We do plenty of other things.

carriedawayannie · 21/04/2013 23:37

She may not be berated by her peers but as she gets older she will begin to feel left out.

I speak from experience.

McNewPants2013 · 21/04/2013 23:40

the main topic at work is BCT, Xfactor, CDWM.

DS friends play power rangers and ninja turtles.
DD friends play peppa pig and ben and hollie little kingdom.

expatinscotland · 21/04/2013 23:47

What Tee said.

Mine watch TV and play on the laptop. We even listen to crap pop music in the car. We also watch The Voice and Britain's Got Talent.

We are chavs of the highest order.

LadyBeagleEyes · 22/04/2013 00:02

Yes,we all parent differently. I have my telly on as background noise, ds has one in his bedroom and watches all the teen things.
Each to their own, and I watch BGT .
I never understand why those who don't approve of TV think they're such superior parents.

OhDearNigel · 22/04/2013 00:05

She may not be berated by her peers but as she gets older she will begin to feel left out. I speak from experience

Likewise. I was always the odd one without a TV. I could never join in discussions about Going Live or Neighbours or whatever. As soon as I left home I spent most of my time watching the TV. My parents never let me eat junk food either, when I went to university I existed on a diet of McDonalds.

Moderation, moderation, moderation

OhDearNigel · 22/04/2013 00:07

And OP, it won't bother her at the moment. She's only 5. When she begins to be of the age where the most important thing in your life is to stand out as little as humanly possible it is likely to bother her a whole lot more

iclaudius · 22/04/2013 00:08

kids are all watching different stuff these days - i dont buy that 'left out the chat' argument. everyone has 50 different channels

i'm yet to meet a teenparent who wins the 'moderation' argument. they are few and far between

princessnumber2 · 22/04/2013 00:09

I'd be quite interested to know if people with school-aged children with early bedtimes really watch 3 hours of tv a day? We don't get in from school till 4 and my eldest is usually asleep around 7. Is it in the morning? My eldest is up at 7 and we all just seem to run around the house till everyone's ready. If she was up at 5 or 6 I have a feeling she'd watch more DVDs...

I was a bit strict about TV when she was tiny. I've relaxed a lot as she's got older but she's not that interested in it. I think 5 films in a weekend does sound like a lot - and I was brought up on a solid diet of processed food in front of the telly. I did no activities at all (apart from playing out in the street). In fact, did they even have activities in the 70s and 80s?

Also I have abandoned baking with dd1 as she can't be arsed to do any of it and after she has said 'can I lick the bowl yet?' for the 50th time, I just end up snapping 'OH JUST GO AND WATCH GRANDPA IN MY POCKET!'

cory · 22/04/2013 00:13

I wasn't berated by my peers much and I certainly had a lovely happy childhood, but I have often felt as an adult how much I missed out because I was so completely kept away from popular culture and (as I grew older) from any real knowledge of current events and confined to knowledge that my parents considered worthwhile. I didn't mind being different from other people, but I did mind feeling uneducated.

pigletmania · 22/04/2013 01:15

Amy you sound quite sef righteous tbh. It's none if your business and no I could not cope without it especially in the school hold as when you cannot keep your Chidren entertained for every miniute of the day whist trying to keep the house tdy and cook the food. My dd as asd and sometimes a favourite tv programme can calm her down and prevent a full scale meltdown.

pigletmania · 22/04/2013 01:15

Meant during te school holidays

Bunbaker · 22/04/2013 06:51

"And, I don't understand why the children are watching films while at holiday club, during school breaks, or at school during school time."

DD's old primary school used to put a film on when the weather was too wet for the children to go outside. The main hall was used for eating in and there was nowhere else for the children to go.

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