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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give DS a 'day off'?

106 replies

gostraighttojail · 20/04/2013 12:09

I know I will be termed a pushy parent but I am just trying to do my best here.

DS, aged 4.
DH and I both work. We really try to do nice things with the kids at the weekend. They don't watch TV during the day and our time is usually quite structured.

But today, DS has been watching TV for ages. He is not feeling well.

I feel uncomfortable that he is upstairs watching TV and not getting any positive input from me or anyone or anything.

Is this OK? Am I mad? Are you going to flame me as some kind of pushy mum?

OP posts:
joannita · 20/04/2013 23:59

Yanbu. Sounds like you need a day off too!

seeker · 21/04/2013 00:00

If he has a TV in his room you are being unreasonable.

If he is watching the TV lying on the sofa in the living room you are not BU.

If he is watching the TV lying on the sofa in the living room with you cuddled up next to him, you are a perfect parent.

Maryz · 21/04/2013 00:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cestlavielife · 21/04/2013 00:11

The problem here is he is upstairs with tv In his own room ??
Does he have a tv in his room or is it an upstairs playroom ? Are there other dc ?

If he is as was said with everyone else but on sofa tucked up then no problem. Have him watch cbeebies. It s fine.

Thingiebob · 21/04/2013 00:15

Can you watch tv with him? Or chill out next to him?

He is ill. Let him rest.

As the risk of sounding like a 'lazy bastard', when I am ill or my daughter is ill, we chill out on my very large bed, playing iPad games/watching DVDs/reading/listening to music and sometimes she plays with her toys next to me whilst I go on MN.

SpanishFly · 21/04/2013 00:19

PS part of me being a lazy bastard is due to the fact that going to the zoo is fucking expensive

pictish · 21/04/2013 00:23

Oh yes the zoo is extortionate!!

It's lovely if you can afford all these wonderful activities, going to the zoo and eating out every weekend. Super!

OnTheNingNangNong · 21/04/2013 00:27

Is this some kind of AIBU stealth boast? 'I can afford ice cream and Zoo trips and you can't'

Thingiebob · 21/04/2013 00:49

Actually I need to know if the child has a tv in his room before I can judge properly.

MidniteScribbler · 21/04/2013 03:53

OP, as a teacher, I can tell you that you aren't doing your child any favours by sticking so rigidly to a structure. Going to lots of stimulating activities like the zoo is absolutely a fabulous learning opportunity for children, but so is baking a cake, or learning how to read and cook a recipe. Planting a few seeds in your backyard can be fun and relaxing and is also educational. Leaving your children alone with a pile of dress up clothes or lego and letting them use their imaginations can be just as educational. There is actually a lot of benefit in teaching children how to play by themselves.

There really is nothing "lazy bastard" about having a relaxing day. If you're working all week, and the children are at care/school, then having a day out can be just what you need to reconnect as a family, recharge your batteries and prepare for another busy week ahead. The origin of the word "recreation" is to 'restoration, recovery'. That's what your weekends should be about. Sure, if you're spending all day everyday in bed for no medical reason, then yes, that's lazy, but curling up under the doona and watching a movie together is just as valuable 'family time' as a trip to the zoo or any other activity.

My greatest memories from childhood aren't the days my parents took me to the zoo, or even the overseas trips we went on. It's sunday morning when I'd go and jump in to their bed, dad reading the paper, mum and I trying to steal the comics from him, eating johnny cakes with too much golden syrup which we tried lick around the edges before they dripped on the bedspread. That still remains my favourite memories of my parents.

Try it. You might even enjoy it.

CadleCrap · 21/04/2013 06:41

LOL at being a lazy bastard because an ill child doesn't want to go swimming.

Poor wee might. Sad

CadleCrap · 21/04/2013 06:44

mite ffs

Dolallytats · 21/04/2013 07:55

I was feeling sorry for you worrying like that until your last post. Going out is not always an option, it doesn't make you lazy. I am agoraphobic so, for the most part, my 5 year old is stuck in with me (his dad works long hours and takes him to the park when he can).

Instead we play games together on the computer (cbeebies), we chat and tickle and joke and laugh. We play board games, read books, bake, build lego, play dinosaurs, paint and make boring household stuff fun......and we watch TV and he plays Star Wars on his xbox.

It's just the way it is and we're ok.

Original poster
gostraighttojail · 21/04/2013 17:35

To the person who asked when I have time to go shopping and clean the house etc, well I guess I am lucky in the fact that I don't need to do those things.

I don't understand the rudeness: is it because I don't think staying in bed all day is ok?

And another assumption that you made: Ds goes neither to school, nor pre-school.

And I couldn't get into bed with him as I was mostly too busy running round the grounds with the other DCs.

OP posts:
SpanishFly · 21/04/2013 17:49

The rudeness is that you asked for advice, acknowledging that you might be flamed, but when people do comment you call them lazy bastards.

Wishiwasanheiress · 21/04/2013 17:53

Dear heavens no wonder the child wants some time with a TV...

Hulababy · 21/04/2013 17:54

It is really important to a child's development to have some unmanaged time regularly. They should not be micromanaged every minute or every day.

They need time and space to play on their own, to make up games, wander around in their own world, and just time to relax and chill.

Learning to occupy their own time and cure their own "boredom" for want of a better term is a very good skill for them to learn, and yes - from this young age too.

KitchenandJumble · 21/04/2013 17:56

The grounds? Of your estate?

LegArmpits · 21/04/2013 18:01

I am ROFLING.

YoniOrNotYoni · 21/04/2013 18:09

I've only noticed one poster being rude...

fuzzpig · 21/04/2013 18:23

Darn it I missed the deleted message :(

FWIW I am disabled so the DCs don't get to do much in the way of enriching activities - not that we can afford it anyway. They are stuck at home pretty much all the time. I did actually break down in tears about this at my ME support group, but the others (including the psychologist leading it) told me that trips out aren't as important and aren't as remembered as, for example, the movie night we have every Friday, snuggled up close under a blanket with the lights off and a bowl of popcorn.

I do still get the Guilt sometimes, but TBH even before I became ill, I was always a bit bemused by a few friends who felt incapable of just 'being', it was constant trips out and activity clubs etc, there was no down time. Different strokes I guess.

Original poster
gostraighttojail · 21/04/2013 18:24

Oh yes, totally forgot: of course, no TV in the DCs rooms. Of course not.

OP posts:
fuzzpig · 21/04/2013 18:29

I do understand the Guilt BTW, and I know people feel it about different things. I mean this was the only thing I cried about in the entire run of group meetings. I had previously talked at length about self harm, agoraphobia, sexual abuse and neglect, work issues etc with barely a crack in my voice... but it was the feeling of I'm not a good enough mum that had me sobbing my heart out.

(PS - I'm not even sure if the OP is interested in what any of us I am saying, but I have written this in case there is anyone else reading this who is upset about this type of thing)

breatheslowly · 21/04/2013 19:24

You left a 4 year old alone in the house while you ran around the grounds with your other DC? Please say you left a member of your staff in the house with him. I wouldn't leave a 4 yo alone, particularly an ill one who could really do with being close to his mother. It sounds quite sad to leave a poorly 4 yo alone.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 21/04/2013 19:27

Nice wind up thread OP Grin