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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give DS a 'day off'?

106 replies

gostraighttojail · 20/04/2013 12:09

I know I will be termed a pushy parent but I am just trying to do my best here.

DS, aged 4.
DH and I both work. We really try to do nice things with the kids at the weekend. They don't watch TV during the day and our time is usually quite structured.

But today, DS has been watching TV for ages. He is not feeling well.

I feel uncomfortable that he is upstairs watching TV and not getting any positive input from me or anyone or anything.

Is this OK? Am I mad? Are you going to flame me as some kind of pushy mum?

OP posts:
breatheslowly · 20/04/2013 13:12

I think it is important for children to have down time which can include watching TV if you like and also have time when they are expected to amuse themselves. I don't think you are doing your DS any favours in keeping him so busy, perhaps you should feel guilty for that instead.

Crinkle77 · 20/04/2013 13:18

If he is not feeling well then surely there is nothing better than lying in bed watching telly. Don't think it's going to harm him.

guanosoup · 20/04/2013 13:20

In a similar vein, I usually cook all meals from scratch.
As I am shattered due to working 26 hours in the last two days, I have just given them fish fingers and frozen veg.

When they were younger, that meal would have really pushed all my mummy-guilt buttons, but I have come to realise that
a) they won't die of malnutrtion,
b) they'll appreciate a home cooked meal next time, and;
c) they enjoy the change.
So, your boy will probably get similar benefits from his chilled out day, I am benefitting from mine, I'm certain! Grin

Snazzynewyear · 20/04/2013 13:21

One day of just lying around watching tv is not going to do any harm, and it would be unkind anyway to force him out somewhere if he really doesn't feel like it. He gets 'positive input' from you all the time, from the sound of it, so there's nothing to worry about.

mrsjay · 20/04/2013 13:23

OP just being nosy but why do you feel so guilty about not amusing or engaging with him when you do it anyway,

mrsjay · 20/04/2013 13:23

FWIW there is nowt wrong with frozen fish fingers Grin

500internalerror · 20/04/2013 13:25

We are all still in pjs - might get up in a bit! We've browsed some recipe books, written a letter, watched tv. Smile

FunnysInLaJardin · 20/04/2013 13:26

YANBU, weekends are for chilling out. DS1 would spend all day on mine craft if we let him and sometimes we do! He is 7

KristinaM · 20/04/2013 13:27

It's sounds like its you who's not enjoying staying in today.

So why don't you go out and leave your p to watch your child, then swap later

guanosoup · 20/04/2013 13:27

Mrs jay, a fish finger sandwich is the food of the gods!
But ten years ago, I thought my babies would not appreciate them. I jave learned ti go with the flow. Life is so much simpler! :)

Dancergirl · 20/04/2013 13:31

OP, don't put your guilt about not be able to do things in the week above your ds' wants or needs. I know it's tempting to fill every minute at the weekend if you work full time, but really your little boy will be happier just pottering around with you in the background. He's had a long week at school too and probably doesn't want to go on a lot of structured outings.

mrsjay · 20/04/2013 13:32

*Mrs jay, a fish finger sandwich is the food of the gods!
But ten years ago, I thought my babies would not appreciate them. I jave learned ti go with the flow. Life is so much simpler! *

Smile
ballstoit · 20/04/2013 13:44

Go and get in with him, my DC love having a duvet day with me occasionally. We stay in my bed all day, and eat our meals there too...they chill out, and chat to me and each other. Its you being there that he needs, not a trip every weekend.

WhereYouLeftIt · 20/04/2013 13:47

"I feel uncomfortable that he is upstairs watching TV and not getting any positive input from me or anyone or anything."
Maybe you could bring him downstairs and snuggle watch TV together?

OhLori · 20/04/2013 14:49

PLZ - its OK! As a family you sound like you could relax a bit more :).

However, watching TV when ill is a mixed blessing, I have found and I restrict it if son is ill. IMO, if you're ill, its better not to watch TV. Instead, to be in bed with low light, a couple of books and mum and dad just popping in/ making a fuss to see if he's OK!

PicaK · 20/04/2013 18:43

Well, sitting around watching tv is what i want to do when ill so i'd leave him be.

I'm v similar to you in that i like to be out doing stuff in the morning and afternoon. i'm a sahm so i think it's more to do with what type of person you are than whether you work enough.

If you were dragging him to kumon maths and chinese then yabu to the kid. But a trip to the park isn't really a structured activity in my book. It's just a nice thing to do.

Kids that age need some time alone to play and some time to be played with. Thinking watching and commenting rather than monopoly!

PicaK · 20/04/2013 18:44

Have a movie afternoon and curl up with him on sofa under a snuggly blanket if he's not well.

ouryve · 20/04/2013 18:47

Sounds like he needs the time to just be.

Bobyan · 20/04/2013 18:59

positive input

He's four ffs.

Floggingmolly · 20/04/2013 19:50

He's a 4 year old who's not feeling well. Why would you want to drag him to the zoo with an ice cream parlour to follow? Confused. For who's benefit??
You don't sound pushy to me, but you do sound incredibly tense.
Lighten up.

gostraighttojail · 20/04/2013 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

pictish · 20/04/2013 21:21

Um...ok...I'm not one for slagging off other parenting choices, and I was about to say that I felt the thread was a getting a bit critical, but tbh, you've just trumped the lot OP!

Signet2012 · 20/04/2013 21:22

I don't think it's lazy.

It's all in moderation. You don't need to constantly keep a 4 year old on the go. I wouldn't say that's good for them. How will they learn to entertain themselves?

hingmy · 20/04/2013 21:38

You're strange, OP.

Zappo · 20/04/2013 21:39

I'm much like you OP. I tend to organise something for us to do (not necessarily big outings) in the morning and afternoon just to get us out of the house and break up the day. We have a small house and it gets unbelievably tense if we stay in. My DD4 isn't that good at entertaining herself, although she is getting better now her sibling is getting older. Normally I have to join in with everything except when she's watching TV and I don't like her to have the TV on too much.

Whilst I do enjoy playing with her, I do sometimes need to do other things. When DD is bored or demanding my attention, I just cannot get on with anything else. Also she starts to do things which wind me up so I find going out much easier.

I long for the day when we can just relax and potter round the house all day and it won't be the chore/charged atmospherre it often is.