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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask the children next door to stop staring over the fence?

57 replies

kay1975 · 19/04/2013 17:53

We've lived here 7 years and have never had a good relationship with the neighbours on one side! We have 2 boys, 6 and 7, they have 3 girls 1, 5 and 8.

They spent the whole of last summer perched on top of their climbing frame watching our boys, chatting ect. But my problem is that they can see right into our living room and kitchen from the climbing frame! It's started up again now!

My boys are showing off like monkeys for them playing football and they are up there cheering them on and staring into our living room!

My husband when he gets home from work wants to tell them "stop staring at us, this my private time with my children!" because he'll be out there footie training with them, but I thats is a bit harsh. But I can't stand it, it's such an invasion of privacy.

What should I do? Say something, at the risk of our already bad relationship getting worse? There is already an 8ft fence out the garden, but I'm thinking about getting trellis to put on the top of the fence, but it's their fence so can I do that?!!

Arghhh....help?

OP posts:
Freddiemisagreatshag · 19/04/2013 18:16

I swear sometimes I think I live in a different dimension.

They're youngsters. They want to play. Where's the harm? Send the boys round to call for them, some days they're in your garden, some days they're in next door's garden. Job's a good un.

Other than that, buy a house in it's own grounds miles away from anyone else and sit their on your own with your kids bored/squabbling.

Hullygully · 19/04/2013 18:17

Don't you want them to be friends?

Long voile curtains that don't stop the light but will block them seeing in?

ReluctantlyBeingYoniMassaged · 19/04/2013 18:17

The umbrella idea is good.

The joy of bamboo is that it acts as a great screen on your side, and will start popping up on their side too. It's a bugger to get rid of. Grin

imour · 19/04/2013 18:22

you can get vertical blinds for the patio doors and angle them so that side doesnt see in ,i wouldnt care less about young kids looking in myself , seems like they just want to get your boys attention and play .

mrsjay · 19/04/2013 18:37

close the curtains they are just kids kids are nosy dont say anything it will only cause a bigger feud .

wonderingagain · 19/04/2013 18:45

You've potentially got free childcare there if you handle this properly.

HollyBerryBush · 19/04/2013 18:48

Why is your relationship already bad? You said that in your OP

FWIW - send you boys out to talk to them - children like other children!

When you want you deckchair and a book in a few months all you have to say is >best Miss Jean Brodie< "Girls! Down now!"

or throw your boys over the fence to their side!

DublinMammy · 19/04/2013 18:48

I'd find it irritating too, OP, but I don't think you can say anything without sounding mad. Plant that 12 foot tree and bamboo too for good measure; the umbrella is a good idea too....

UnscentedStillRomantic · 19/04/2013 18:52

I can see it's annoying, but it's hard to say shove off esp when your own dc are entering into the dialogue too.

I sympathise though, we got so sick of kids invading us at our previous house it was a major factor in moving. And I admit my own dc were a factor, but it just got too much in the end.

GoSuckEggs · 19/04/2013 18:53

I would think that a super soaker would stop that problem..... Grin

katrinefonsmark · 19/04/2013 18:54

Are they just looking out for your children or are they staring over at your house to be nosey? If they're staring intently for hours on end they are being rude and you wouldn't be a loon to tell them.

SillyTilly123 · 19/04/2013 18:57

We were just sitting having tea when i heard our back gate open, i went out and heres my NDN'c kids nicking my dds' Little Tykes car Shock I told them in no uncertain terms NOT to come into our garden uninvited again. Terrified incase they leave the gate open and my pup gets out. However this would really bug me too. I'd probably say something to the kids (if i was sure the parents couldnt hear) to stop staring.

HollyBerryBush · 19/04/2013 18:57

I'll hold my hands up - I don't particularly like a house full of other peoples children, but I am not adverse to sending mine to the Earth Mother who loves a house full Grin

The bong-bong trampoline hello, bong, hello, bong, what you, bong, doing, bong does do my head in>

In some ways it's quite sad that we, as society has become so insular. I used to trot off down the road from 3 or 4 inflicting myself visiting all the old people with bunches of dahlias or daffs my mum had wrapped up with a bit of foil round the stems, on the grounds that flowers brighten any ones day if they are lonely.

how times change

Bowlersarm · 19/04/2013 18:59

I keep typing a response and then deleting because a) i come over as a miserable old bag and b) i don't have an answer

I would hate this too, OP. I think I would just close my curtains, I suppose, to get privacy. But your garden sounds like it has gone-it is now a public place!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 19/04/2013 19:00

I would be uncomfortable about people staring into my house, so I can understand why the OP wants this to stop. Constant interruptions from the neighbours' children also sounds annoying, but as your dh and the boys are in the garden, he can't expect total privacy. He could ask the girls to leave it 'til later to talk to the boys, after they've finished playing football - and he could also ask the boys to concentrate a bit more on the football and less on the interruptions.

I do wonder whether, if you invited the girls over to play sometimes, they might not need to overlook you so much, iyswim.

QuintessentialOHara · 19/04/2013 19:02

Keep the bamboo in Pots. Then they have the additional advantage of the extra height of the pots to start with!

And you can move them once they grow out of the climbing frame...

honeytea · 19/04/2013 19:03

It sounds like the oldest 2 girls are the perfect age to be friends with your boys.

Even if you don't like the parents there is no reason for your kids not to be friends.

I can just imagine this turning into some kind of Romeo and Juliet saga as your kids become teenagers.

5madthings · 19/04/2013 19:07

Put up blinds or curtains.

We have a climbing frame and our kids talk to the kids over the back, they all seem to like it and I know the mum well enough to chat to in the street.

I tell mine not to stare but if they are just chatting the that's fine, now the kids from next door come round to call for mime and vice versa, its nice.

GymBagHighHeels · 19/04/2013 19:07

Would love that! Then the kids would entertain them selves!

GymBagHighHeels · 19/04/2013 19:08

And get some blinds that let in light but not let them see fully in

TarkaTheOtter · 19/04/2013 19:10

We have curtains over our double patio doors. Is it not the done thing?

Original poster
kay1975 · 19/04/2013 19:13

Thanks again for your comments. I don't mind the chit chatting, it's the staring into the living room I can't stand. I would never let my boys be so rude as to stare over like that and the girls are quick enough to the boys shut up when they are eating there tea out the garden!

I might try asking them not to watch the training sessions as they make the boys show off and take it from there. A maybe some voile curtains!

A few years ago I asked them to play but their parents said no, that it would cause problems as they would fallout eventually. We've had issues with them over their all night parties and the usual parking problems!

OP posts:
PuffPants · 19/04/2013 19:20

I would hate it too OP.

abseil · 19/04/2013 19:39

I am more concerned that your 6 and 7 year olds have strict football training sessions.

thermalsinapril · 19/04/2013 19:48

Your neighbours sound quite inconsiderate OP, and I'd hate this too. You shouldn't have to put up with people constantly staring into your house, as well as the all-night parties and parking trouble. Good neighbours are discreet and respectful of your privacy. It would be fine to say you'll speak to the parents. Tree and voile curtains are a good idea too!