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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be quite enjoying DH being away and considering taking kids on holiday without him?

49 replies

princessj29 · 17/04/2013 21:55

I loveDH very much of course but have found I'm quite enjoying him being away with work this week. I haven't had to shave my legs, have eaten tons of garlic and offensively flavoured crisps without a second thought, am snuggled reading in bed with a sleepy DD2 beside me instead of watching football/fishing/police chase programmes. DD2 is much happier as she's going through the ten month old clingy phase and DD1 is really happy to have me uninterrupted. Tomorrow we're having a 'girls night in' with baking, pampering, watching the animal awards and a sleepover in my room! Think DH was a bit offended when he called earlier that no one seemed to be missing him, though of course we told him we are. In the summer holidays I was thinking of taking the children on holiday abroad while he's working (we have a family holiday booked too). I can afford to pay for it out of my savings but feel I'm BU a) for quite enjoying this week and b) considering leaving him while we holiday. AIBU?

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 17/04/2013 21:57

are you really made to shave your legs and watch fishing programs? Can you not be as you are now when your dh is around ?
Sad

everlong · 17/04/2013 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhHullitsOnlyMeYoni · 17/04/2013 22:02

I keep telling people it is a lot easier as a single mum!
Mind you, at least you might get dinner cooked now and then and possibly get a lie in (only 2 things I miss!).
Oh and someone to take the bins out.

apostropheuse · 17/04/2013 22:07

You should be able to leave your legs unshaven if you want to, whether he's there or not. You should also be able to eat what you want.

YANBU to want to go on holiday with just you and the children. Your DH might think otherwise though!

aldiwhore · 17/04/2013 22:08

YANBU to enjoy time apart... although I miss my DH at the moment I do enjoy the 'no need to compromise' aspect of him being away. I'm not opressed by him in anyway and we get along brilliantly, but, sometimes it's just nice to lie spreadeagled in bed.

I wouldn't go abroad without him, but then, we don't really go abroad anyway (not against the idea, but our only wishlist destinations are out of our budget at present and I'd rather be in Devon in the rain than the same priced equivalent as me and heat don't mix) saying that, I am starting a holiday without him and am very excited about it. He's joining us later.

I don't have personal savings and would never dip into 'our' pot, but if it's your money, use it as you please.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/04/2013 22:09

I eat garlic and don't shave my legs. I'm married. I also don't watch fishing programs, they would be MMA or similar with DH but I still don't watch them.

LindyHemming · 17/04/2013 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StuntGirl · 17/04/2013 22:10

Is this more about things you think you have to do when he's around? Would he actually care if you didn't shave your legs? Does him watching his tv programmes stop you watching tv? Can't you have 'girly' time with your kids anyway? (I assume they have one on one time with Dad too?)

malteserzz · 17/04/2013 22:11

I can't imagine living with someone I felt like that about I feel quite sad for you and him.

Original poster
princessj29 · 17/04/2013 22:17

No one on one time with him - if he's off we do things all together. He doesn't make me shave my legs, I personally couldn't have sex without having done so and we have sex everyday. He also doesn't dictate what I eat, I just wouldn't eat garlic usually if he wasn't too. Yes I think DH would be upset if we went away without him and I would if roles were reversed but realistically he'd never take them without me and kids would love a holiday so am ttempted.

OP posts:
Original poster
princessj29 · 17/04/2013 22:20

I just like my own space malteserzz - doesn't make me love him any less! I'm very independent whereas he's quite needy and sometimes it's nice to be able to just do exactly as you please

OP posts:
StuntGirl · 17/04/2013 22:22

Well I think it would benefit everyone if some daddy/daughter time was introduced. And although it's nice to be considerate and not eat strong flavoured/smelling foods if your partner isn't, it really wouldn't be the end of the world if occasionally you did. I'm sure he wouldn't mind!

I'm not surprised he'd feel upset, he seems rather peripheral from some of what you've said?

WipsGlitter · 17/04/2013 22:25

OMG. You have sex everyday!?!!!

Sopster · 17/04/2013 22:27

Wipsglitter...my thoughts exactly!!!!

Gorjuss · 17/04/2013 22:34

I love it when dh works away and I think he enjoys a bit of peace too. I go away with kids and friends whilst he goes away fishing. So no yanbu. There is nothing wrong with a bit of your own space.

2kidsintow · 17/04/2013 22:41

I've taken my DDs away for short breaks without DH. Usually close enough that he can come if he wants, but also last year down to London.

I'm a teacher and he doesn't have as many holidays. The main reason, though, it that he is quite certain about some things that he doesn't want to do -like stay in a hotel in London - but doesn't stop me and the DDs from going if we want.

We've just paid for a seasonal pitch to stick our caravan on the coast so I can whisk the kids away for short breaks in the summer hols as well as the odd weekend. He'll be along for the weekends, but will probably not come apart from the odd drop-in during any trips we go to in the Summer. And I am already planning to take them away again to London as they enjoyed it so much (and so did I).

It doesn't mean that we don't love each other. Or respect each other. And it doesn't mean that he is peripheral. And it goes both ways too. He took DD1 camping last weekend. I'd rather poke myself in the eye with a blunt stick than camp under canvas in April, but they enjoy themselves. So I have girly time with DD2.

My Mum did the same with us in our caravan when we were kids too, as she was a sahm and found the summer in the caravan easier than the summer at home. Both in entertaining us and in having less housework! Dad would come after work some nights, but not all.

Original poster
princessj29 · 17/04/2013 22:54

Yes everyday, I do miss that about him ;-) I like time apart but he doesn't, he wants to wait and all go abroad next year. But even if I don't take them abroad it seems silly that we have to stay home/local when he doesn't finish work til at least 7 anyway

OP posts:
Christelle2207 · 17/04/2013 22:57

When I was little my dad took me on holiday quite a bit. Mum was not a traveller but I know she enjoyed the peace and quiet. Neither dad or I felt guilty.

MegBusset · 17/04/2013 23:00

I take the DC to my mum's for a few days every summer without DH. I really enjoy it - especially as it doesn't cost anything and I get tea cooked for me and generally looked after :) We do go on a family holiday too. Don't mention to DH there are married couples who have sex every day

wonderingagain · 17/04/2013 23:04

Most of my friends have time away without DP. Usually its with someone else with DCs. What do you mean when ypu say he is 'needy'?

malteserzz · 17/04/2013 23:05

I do get going away by yourself but it's the not being able to eat whatever you like or relax about shaving your legs which I don't ! Do you feel you have to wear make up etc all the time too ?

SkaterGrrrrl · 17/04/2013 23:08

It is perfectly possible to have sex with hairy legs. Hairy armpits too.

HesterShaw · 17/04/2013 23:09

Blimey. My legs are live virgin rainforest. If DH doesn't like it he can lump it.

Are you sure you don't feel you have to do these things rather than him pressuring you?

Time apart is always refreshing every now and again though.

Original poster
princessj29 · 17/04/2013 23:26

No pressure from him, he doesn't notice if I wear make up or not.

OP posts:
StuntGirl · 18/04/2013 00:18

Well to be honest I think you're putting pressure on yourself that doesn't need to be there. It's hardly his fault that you 'can't' have sex with day old stubbley legs. And I suspect he wouldn't give a toss about your eating habits either.

If he doesn't see much of you because he works so much, and he never gets one on one time with his kids could that be contributing to the 'neediness' and the wanting to be together all the time?