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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be beyond livid with my DH? Money related.

69 replies

BeyondLivid · 17/04/2013 10:36

OK, so I have namechanged. Please do not out me if you know who I am.

So we used to own a property that we rented out. We had some financial difficulties and couldn't pay the mortgage and the building society repossessed us. It all happened so quickly but there was nothing we could do at the time. It had been our family home.

Anyway, the deposit was held by the Deposit Protection Scheme. Because the estate agents had virtually destroyed our home to the point that the building society cannot sell it, we should have got to keep the deposit.

We registed online with the DPS and did all the right things, but weren't able to lodge our complaint online, for some reason. I called them and they told me they would only speak to DH because the deposit was held in his name. I asked him to call them. This was last fucking July. Did he call them? No. He didn't. I have reminded him and reminded him and he never got around to doing it. So yesterday we got an email to say that because we hadn't been in touch for 9 months they had refunded the deposit money to the letting agents.

We really needed that money. We are so broke that after my last thread, Mumsnetters were PM'ing me offering me clothes for my kids (again, if you recognise me, please don't out me).

I am so, so angry. I want to divorce him. That was £2,100. We really could have done with that money. Seriously, I want to divorce him. I have been a bit slack at times with things, but AIBU to think this is unforgiveable? Please talk to me. Thanks.

OP posts:

milkymocha · 17/04/2013 11:59

You are paranoid.
No one has 'outed' you
Your dh sounds like a right dick.

hopkinette · 17/04/2013 12:09

I don't know who you are (and I don't understand why it matters). Ditch him.

CajaDeLaMemoria · 17/04/2013 12:14

BeyondLivid I have no idea who you are, and I don't think many other people do either.

From a legal perspective, I'm fairly confident that the deposit is actually owed to the building society who repossessed, and that they should have made an attempt to claim for it. Certainly, you couldn't have kept it, and would have had to pay it over.

As for the costs incurred by the letting agents, you'd need to sue them through the small claims court, and include the deposit in the moneys detailed. Again, I think the majority of this money would also be owed to the building society, so it might not be worth the time or expense. I'd check it out with a solicitor.

I don't know enough about your husband or your life to say if this should be the final straw, but it sounds like things are very strained at the moment, and in all likelihood, something will have to change.

Rindercella · 17/04/2013 12:33

Beyond, I don't think annh or anyone else has given any more details to 'out' you than you did in your OP. If it helps, I don't have a clue who you are and can only go by what you've written.

Who paid the deposit? One or more of the tenants or the letting agent?

Why do you think you're entitled to it back? Damage to the property notwithstanding, the house has been repossessed. I am really struggling to understand why you feel you should have this money. You no longer own the property - you defaulted on the mortgage and therefore it was repossessed.

The thing with your H is a whole other story though. It sounds like you sadly have far deeper seated issues than this.

HousewifeFromHeaven · 17/04/2013 12:39

Take a deep breath op and face up to this. Yes your DH should have called, but it was the responsibility of both of you.

There is nothing else we can say really.

LIZS · 17/04/2013 12:46

Vaguely recall a previous thread with similar story but you haven't been "outed" . You still sound emotionally attached to this property even though it is/was not your home and you no longer own it . Although your desire to pursue any remote hope of financial improvement is laudable, I wonder if your issues are actually elated more to your depression and wavering relationship and this situation is a catalyst. Agree with others you could have taken control of it (writing letter for him to sign, email etc) had you really thought it worthwhile but by taking a more passive role you have tested him and he has failed. I'm not sure it unforgivable in itself, after all your claim may well have come to nothing, but certainly could be the final straw.

OTTMummA · 17/04/2013 12:48

No, it was not, he was named on the deposit, there really isn't much that the op could do at that stage, as the dps wouldn't have anything to do with the op.

What you can do now is seek a way to get him out of your life, untangle this dead weight from yourself and move on.
This is not the first or the last time he will lie to you.

Ashoething · 17/04/2013 13:00

Op you have not been outed at all-I dont have a clue who you are. You are throwing a strop because you dont like being told that you could have done far more yourself to sort this out.

QueenStromba · 17/04/2013 13:27

To expand on what I said earlier, for a landlord to claim any part of a deposit they have to be able to prove that any damage they want to claim for happened during the tenancy and have to provide receipts for work done to rectify any damage. Since it sounds as if the property was repossessed with the subletters in situ and you haven't therefore done any work to the property, you wouldn't have got a penny of the deposit.

CajaDeLaMemoria · 17/04/2013 13:32

Agreed, Queen. I tried to say that earlier but you put it much better than I!

NorthernLurker · 17/04/2013 13:35

I think the problem is in the relationship you have with your husband as well as in his behaviour. He's been absurdly crap - but you've let that happen. No good trying to cling to the moral high ground now. No you haevn't been outed - but youy have been rude to a poster who was being honest about your lamentable position.

CookieLady · 17/04/2013 14:16

Completely in agreement with Northern. I, also, think that you have a hell of lot on your plate and your partner should be helping and supporting you instead of adding to your woes.

CookieLady · 17/04/2013 14:16

I don't think op is going to come back.

MoominsYonisAreScary · 17/04/2013 14:30

How utterly ridiculous no one has outed you

Your partner sounds useless, I've given up trying to understand all the deposit business but, if he was owed money and didn't claim it back when you really needed it then he is an arse

DontmindifIdo · 17/04/2013 14:44

i remember your previous threads.

Your DH is laid back to the point of horizontal about everything. You know this. You lost the property in the UK because of it. You have the worse case situation here because you have a man who won't take responsibility or action, but won't tell you he won't do it and you feel you shouldn't have to anyway. Over and over he lets you down because you think you should be able to trust he'll sort things, you let him organise stuff and it goes wrong or doesn't happen.

OP - you have to have a talk with him, he needs to understand that he can't just keep putting stuff off. Everything needs to be moved into your name, because he can't be trusted to act like a grown up. I would make this a condition of staying with him, and it has to be done within the month. You can't change who he is, you have to find a way to stop being constaintly let down by him and your family's financial stability be always a worry because what he's done now. Your options are to take total control and stop treating him like an equal adult or leave him. Nothing you ever do will change who he is. Solutions that involve him changing to being more responsible and less of a lazy fuckwit won't work.

shesariver · 17/04/2013 15:08

Since no-one here knows who you are, even if they have read your previous thread I dont think youve been "outed" - what are you worried about specifically?

flippinada · 17/04/2013 16:31

I remember the previous thread as well and have no idea who OP is.

IIRC, that one proceeded in similar fashion, with OP complaining about her H but both of them seemingly refusing to take any responsibility for or do anything about the problem. Every suggestion and/or offer of help was met with "yes but..."

Astley · 17/04/2013 16:41

I remember the thread too, OP lives abroad so I think the chances of her actually being 'outed' are pretty remote.

Neither of them actually took any responsibility over the house being repossessed until it was far, far too late.

LazyMonkeyButler · 17/04/2013 21:33

I think that by "please don't out me" the OP may have meant "please don't mention my previous thread".

Which is a bit daft really isn't it.

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