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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be beyond livid with my DH? Money related.

69 replies

BeyondLivid · 17/04/2013 10:36

OK, so I have namechanged. Please do not out me if you know who I am.

So we used to own a property that we rented out. We had some financial difficulties and couldn't pay the mortgage and the building society repossessed us. It all happened so quickly but there was nothing we could do at the time. It had been our family home.

Anyway, the deposit was held by the Deposit Protection Scheme. Because the estate agents had virtually destroyed our home to the point that the building society cannot sell it, we should have got to keep the deposit.

We registed online with the DPS and did all the right things, but weren't able to lodge our complaint online, for some reason. I called them and they told me they would only speak to DH because the deposit was held in his name. I asked him to call them. This was last fucking July. Did he call them? No. He didn't. I have reminded him and reminded him and he never got around to doing it. So yesterday we got an email to say that because we hadn't been in touch for 9 months they had refunded the deposit money to the letting agents.

We really needed that money. We are so broke that after my last thread, Mumsnetters were PM'ing me offering me clothes for my kids (again, if you recognise me, please don't out me).

I am so, so angry. I want to divorce him. That was £2,100. We really could have done with that money. Seriously, I want to divorce him. I have been a bit slack at times with things, but AIBU to think this is unforgiveable? Please talk to me. Thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
BeyondLivid · 17/04/2013 11:15

... I am just as angry with myself.

OP posts:
BlueberryHill · 17/04/2013 11:16

Chunderella, the DPA won't discuss it with the OP, her name isn't on the deposit, only her DH could have done it. I have in the past drafted a letter for DH to sign, just because he is really busy at work and I am a SAHM, even so he is pretty proactive and would have found the time.

Chunderella · 17/04/2013 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

annh · 17/04/2013 11:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OTTMummA · 17/04/2013 11:27

If he is asking in such a juvenile way wether you are still angry about his incompetence then he will always be shit with any responsibilities, so I think I would seriously consider leaving the useless twat.

If you have to stand over and nag someone to make sure you get over 2K back then they are not really an adult.
I couldn't muster any measurable amount of respect or affection for someone who would let me down like that.

IneedAsockamnesty · 17/04/2013 11:30

I would be fuming is he 5

Original poster
BeyondLivid · 17/04/2013 11:30

We have not had the same day off since a week after the baby was born. I had a very difficult delivery and nearly died, so DPS was the last thing on my mind in that week.

OP posts:
QueenStromba · 17/04/2013 11:33

I don't think you'd have got to keep the money anyway since the property has been repossessed so you can't use it to put the damage right.

OTTMummA · 17/04/2013 11:33

Just leave him, really, you will save yourself years of anguish and stress.
Let him be someone else's problem, you deserve better.

annh · 17/04/2013 11:34

Why are you still with this man? Isn't he a major part of the reason you lost the house in the first place by concealing from you that you were missing mortgage payments?

Original poster
BeyondLivid · 17/04/2013 11:36

annh, will you please stop trying to out me. I have reported you, now please stop it.

OP posts:
badtasteyoni · 17/04/2013 11:42

Yes it's crap of him and I don't blame you at all for being angry (although divorcing him is going a bit far - try explaining that one to the DC in years to come Hmm).

But as others have said, if you knew he is that crap, you should have made him phone them. If it meant leaving work early to meet him or seeing him in your lunch break one day, phoning them yourself and handing the phone over to him, you should have done it.

In the meantime vent your anger by telling him he better come up with a plan of how he can make that money (that you were relying on) elsewhere...

badtasteyoni · 17/04/2013 11:43

Aah - have just read some others' comments and without going into details, the penny has dropped and there is clearly more to this than just this latest issue with your 'D' H Sad

Original poster
BeyondLivid · 17/04/2013 11:44

We work in different cities, I don't get home until after 7pm, he doesn't get home until nearly 8pm...

God, I feel sick Sad

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 17/04/2013 11:46

If your finances are as bad as you say then this is unforgivable imo.

I loathe adults like your dh who seem to be financially incontinent yet take no responsibility.

CinnabarRed · 17/04/2013 11:48

I don't think annh's comments are out of order - they're directly relevant to how posters will respond to you. If there is a back story then of course people need to know about it, to give you appropriate advice.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 17/04/2013 11:49

Yeah I think the childish "are you still mad" is pretty unforgiveable tbh.

Original poster
BeyondLivid · 17/04/2013 11:50

I specifically said "please don't out me". Well, that's been done now, so I can't post anymore. Thanks to those who gave advice.

OP posts:
badtasteyoni · 17/04/2013 11:51

TBI I think in your position having my home repossessed because of your DH's incompetence would have been the straw that broke the camels back.

CinnabarRed · 17/04/2013 11:52

Annh hasn't outed you, not at all. I don't have a clue who you are.

CinnabarRed · 17/04/2013 11:53

And I stand by my view that you can't get proper, sensible, balanced advice if you only give half the story.

badtasteyoni · 17/04/2013 11:53

OP nobody knows who you are Confused

OhTheConfusion · 17/04/2013 11:54

Im afraid we need a better understanding of your financial problems to help. Was there no way you could have both taken a days annual leave to sort out your finances? Between last July and now is a long time.

FuckOffMrBloom · 17/04/2013 11:57

I have no idea who you are, although I remember your previous post about this (and the fact it's his fault you lost the flat in the first place).

You either stand back and let him ruin you, or you leave. I can't see another way. It's not just inaction, he's lied to you about paying things.

badtasteyoni · 17/04/2013 11:57

And more to the point, if you coudn't expect your DH to bother to stop your house being repossessed, did you really expect him to chase round after a couple of grand?