Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think its bloody arrogant to not RSVP?

33 replies

M0naLisa · 16/04/2013 11:03

I sent out invitations to family members and some friends for DS3 Christening.
I've got 1 RSVP out of all of them.
(Not including mum, dad, FIL etc) but my cousins haven't let me know and neither have main friends.

Aibu to think its bloody arrogant. And wibu to not cater for them.;-)

OP posts:
flowery · 16/04/2013 11:07

When is the christening?

CleverClod · 16/04/2013 11:11

YABVU, they are not arrogant in not replying, but they are very rude and ignorant.

Don't order them anything and if they turn up tell them you thought they weren't going as they hadn't responded, hat'll teach 'em!

Original poster
M0naLisa · 16/04/2013 11:12

It's not till August but I need to know for catering by end of April for the caterers. Plus there's people not going because of numbers who I'd like there. But family 'comes first'

OP posts:
Original poster
M0naLisa · 16/04/2013 11:13

What's the difference between arrogant and ignorant? I thought they were te same Hmm

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 16/04/2013 11:13

Can't say unless you tell us when the christening is and how long ago you sent the invitations.

WorraLiberty · 16/04/2013 11:14

X posts

When did you send the invites?

Original poster
M0naLisa · 16/04/2013 11:14

Been a month since sent invites and it's beginning of August.
I've missed friends off the list because ive to invite family first. Need to know for catering reasons and church numbers. Can't have more than 70.

OP posts:
LunaticFringe · 16/04/2013 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
M0naLisa · 16/04/2013 11:15

Ahh thanks for clearing that up

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 16/04/2013 11:17

It's frustrating but if they received an invite in March and it's not until August, perhaps they think there's plenty of time to reply?

Do they know you need to sort out the catering numbers 4 months in advance?

DeepRedBetty · 16/04/2013 11:17

I think both apply in this case...

I'm afraid you're going to have to do a telephone chase session, clearly explaining what you've told us about catering.

flowery · 16/04/2013 11:18

If the invitation was clear when you need to know by, and that is end April, and the christening isn't until August, then YABU. They are a bit late responding though.

If you have a B list who will come if family can't/don't then does it matter for numbers? Yes they should respond, but if you'll have other guests if they don't come then surely numbers for catering and church etc will be the same?

Also can your caterers really not cope with any changes from 4 months out?

ClaudiaSchiffer · 16/04/2013 11:18

Did you give them a reply by date Op?

Original poster
M0naLisa · 16/04/2013 11:22

Yes reply by 30th April (I know it's not 30th but when I receive an invite I RSVP straight away) the family members I'm waiting on are the higher end of the spectrum in my family - meaning they think they're better than everyone else!!

I think il just not going to chase them. If they don't RSVP. They don't get catered for, and someone will go in their place!!! Fuck em!!!

OP posts:
YellowDinosaur · 16/04/2013 11:22

Unless you put in the invitation you need to know by end of April then I think yabu - your guests will be thinking they have loads of time to respond.

I also think your caterers are ridiculous in needing 4 months notice for numbers but that's not the point of this AIBU really.

chickenfactory · 16/04/2013 11:23

Unless there was a clear RSVP date I'm not sure i would have replied by now. August seems a long way off, I'd think I still had plenty of time.

Original poster
M0naLisa · 16/04/2013 11:23

I know - strange but I agreed

OP posts:
YellowDinosaur · 16/04/2013 11:25

Cross posted - in that case YANBU if they don't reply by 30th April but yabu to be so stressed now with a couple of Weeks to go until then!

You would be unreasonable though to just not cater for them and ask others in their place without chasing though even though they should reply by the date you've set.

flowery · 16/04/2013 11:26

Do you have some other reason to think they think they are better than everyone else? Confused

You sound disproportionately angry at people not responding when they have two more weeks to do so.

It's the sort of thing I'd do, forget to RSVP immediately but still do it before the deadline. Never would occur to me that a family member would think I thought I was better than anyone else.

If you need to know now what's so difficult about chasing them?

flowery · 16/04/2013 11:26

Oh, and the caterers not accepting any changes to numbers after 4 months out is beyond ridiculous. For our wedding we had to confirm final numbers 24 hours before.

Branleuse · 16/04/2013 11:27

Arrogant?? why arrogant?

Annoying and rude for sure

dreamingbohemian · 16/04/2013 11:29

I think YABU to be so angry actually

You can't say people haven't RSVPed when it's only mid-April. They have a couple weeks yet! I'm sure a lot of people don't know what they're doing in August yet, it is prime holiday time.

And, if you have people who will go if your family decline, then what difference does it make who specifically RSVPs or not? Just tell the caterers 70 people. If you don't have enough family, get some friends in.

Also I find it crazy the caterer needs to know exact numbers 4 months out.

crashdoll · 16/04/2013 11:31

YABU, it's 2 weeks from the deadline!

jacks365 · 16/04/2013 11:38

YABU but so is your caterer. Quite simply i wouldn't at this point be able to say for August. I'd want to come and if you insisted i'd say yes but i'd possibly then drop out later so if you make them confirm at this time they may still change their minds later, doing it so early means you'll have far more late drop outs or just not turn up.

ajandjjmum · 16/04/2013 11:40

Having arranged a big party recently, I was surprised at the number of people who replied on the date of the 'RSVP by....' We also had to chase up a few people. Irritating to say the least. But why on earth do the caterers need to know numbers by the end of April for August? We gave an approximate number, and confirmed the weekend before, which was fine.

Give it a week or so after the deadline you gave, and then some gentle little reminder calls, saying that you have to confirm catering numbers, so that (hopefully) people won't mess you about.

Swipe left for the next trending thread