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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be shocked at how cliquey men are on Internet forums

58 replies

Andtheythinkwearecliquey · 15/04/2013 12:31

Name changed as I have been talking about this IRL today.

My husband has an old car that he potters around with and he has been having trouble with something he can't fix so I suggested he ask on a specialist forum if anyone could help.

I was completely shocked that all he got back was people saying you can't just waltz in and ask a question without introducing yourself then a load of weird references to the Lord of the Rings saying stuff like you can't just walk into Mordor, all in bizarre Ali-G speak. WTAF?

OP posts:

ScarlettInSpace · 15/04/2013 12:32

Car forums are soooooooooooooooo cliquey, it is hilarious!

at the Mordor references though!!

lottiegarbanzo · 15/04/2013 12:32

Men, or people interested in cars and internet forums?

BOF · 15/04/2013 12:33

And yet the Daily Mail leave them alone! Funny, that.

Passmethecrisps · 15/04/2013 12:34

Maybe it was just bad luck. I know my DH did the same and got a massive amount of support from people including offers of physical help. I do know that some of these forums are privately run and paid for by donations from the members. In that instance a wee introduction might be polite.

MrsWolowitz · 15/04/2013 12:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Andtheythinkwearecliquey · 15/04/2013 12:35

Maybe I have wrongly assumed it was men- I just can't imagine a woman talking in Ali G speak and putting Lord of the Rings pictures and quotes everywhere in their posts in response to someone asking a perfectly sensible question on a site created to deal with a specialist subject?

OP posts:

LadyBeagleEyes · 15/04/2013 12:37

He should ask on here.
It never fails to amaze me the amount of obscure knowledge Mumsnetters have.

Original poster

Andtheythinkwearecliquey · 15/04/2013 12:38

He did say he was new to all this- how much of an introduction do you think they wanted- name and address?! I just found it all really strange!

OP posts:

Original poster

Andtheythinkwearecliquey · 15/04/2013 12:39

Good idea LBE it can't be any less helpful than that forum was!

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Passmethecrisps · 15/04/2013 12:41

I do love the idea of waltzing in.

Some forums have special introduction sections. I think it is just meant as an indication that you might contribute rather than just disappear.

I used a car forum for help with mine as well and didn't get accused of waltzing into mordor. I think he is well rid.

Second that he should try on here.

TiggyD · 15/04/2013 13:45

Funny language eh? AFAIK nobody uses funny talk about here when talking about their DPs, Dss, DMIL IMHO. Even the naice quiches on here wouldn't.

TheBigJessie · 15/04/2013 13:50

All forums have in-jokes. Most forums don't like post-and-runs, especially as sometimes it's difficult to distinguish them from trolls. If one is going to spend half-an-hour typing about the intricacies of cars, PAYE wage-slips, the French subjunctive or money-saving tips, one wants to feel certain it will be appreciated and possibly paid back later on. Otherwise one will feel used!

it's a bit like real life, where we go to a lot more effort to help someone who is a sort-of friend than a stranger!

Original poster

Andtheythinkwearecliquey · 15/04/2013 13:53

This wasn't funny language so much as the deliberately incorrect use of words like using 'have' and 'has' the wrong way round.

Eg instead of 'I have' it was 'I has' and instead of 'he has' it was 'he have' and in a very Ali-G styley! All interspersed with random pictures and quotes from Lord of the Rings.

To be fair, one person did suggest something useful to check but it was mainly all this weirdly childish, cliquey stuff.

OP posts:

Trills · 15/04/2013 13:54

Different forums have different etiquette.

Original poster

Andtheythinkwearecliquey · 15/04/2013 13:56

I can understand that jessie but my husband has no interest in Lord of the Rings or he would have joined a forum which specialised in that.

It justs seems really weird to have such 'in' jokes about something that is nothing to do with the forum in question.

OP posts:

TheBigJessie · 15/04/2013 14:00

It justs seems really weird to have such 'in' jokes about something that is nothing to do with the forum in question.

Are you sure you've been on Mumsnet very long? Mumsnet in-jokes: a bat, Terry Wogan's genitalia, pom bears, things-not-to-google (includes "dragon butter"... I could go on. It's just sort of developed.

Trills · 15/04/2013 14:03

YABU to be extra shocked at men being cliquey, or to think that men are more cliquey than women.

YANBU to think that that level of cliqueyness is uncalled-for. They could have said "actually it's polite to introduce yourself before asking for help".

Maybe they'd just had a run of trolls, or new posters asking for detailed help that required a lot of effort to answer and then just leaving without saying thanks.

Trills · 15/04/2013 14:04

Oh, and "one does not simply walk into Mordor" is not just them, it's all over the internet.

Know your meme

Original poster

Andtheythinkwearecliquey · 15/04/2013 14:04

Yes but all of those things are usually in some context ie mentioned in a thread started by a long time poster.

To liken it to this situation it would be like someone coming on MN asking for advice on how to deal with a particular issue they were having with their child and the responses just saying 'Pom bears never google dragon butter' it doesn't make sense.

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TheBigJessie · 15/04/2013 14:09

New poster joins- accidentally sets off a trolldar, and gets offered pom-bears? Yep, could happen here. In fact, I think it has.

I am absolutely convinced that they understood all of their own jokes, and thought they made perfect sense. I expect your husband has just given up on the forum now, which in turn has confirmed their initial worst suspicions, and they are glad that they didn't waste their time helping a post-and-run.

The internet- weird place.

ScarlettInSpace · 15/04/2013 14:10

'Pom bears never google dragon butter'

this has to be the new MN stock response to bridge dwellers

Original poster

Andtheythinkwearecliquey · 15/04/2013 14:10

trills I was shocked at how cliquey it was, not that it was more cliquey than women.

I know how cliquey some women are capable of being but I just haven't experienced men behaving in that way.

I can see why people might think their help may go unthanked but it definitely wasn't a troll type post- it was a perfectly sensible techie question about a fault on a car.

OP posts:

MrsMacFarlane · 15/04/2013 14:11

There's a VW one that my DH lurks on but never posts. He gets quite a lot of good info from it and some of the banter/jokes are quite funny but says he would never post as newbies are always eaten alive for the first while, he's 50 years old and really can't be arsed with the shite some of these people come out with.

OzmaofOz · 15/04/2013 14:15

at Pom bears never google dragon butter.
I know what you mean op, I lurked on here for ages before finally posting for advice in children's health - I didn't introduce myself, but still got lovely advice.
Have you asked on here ?

Original poster

Andtheythinkwearecliquey · 15/04/2013 14:15

The internet- weird place I think that sums it up jessie

I'd like to say 'lesson learned' but I'm not sure how anyone can ever understand all the etiquette of different forums when there are such strong under currents.

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