Hi all, I am a frequent lurker and occasional poster on various threads, in search of some mumsnet wisdom and solace.
My dear dear mum, aged 85, is nearing the end of her life after a traumatic 8 months.
In summary, she moved to live near me and dh just prior to the birth of our ds 16 years ago (our 2nd dc, as we already had a dd) and has been in her warden controlled accommodation up until August of last year.
When she was first there, people used to mistake her for the warden as she was so fit and active. She has been very involved with the dc, now aged 17 (dd) and 15 (ds), who are devoted to her. She and I have had our ups and downs, but she has been a fabulous mum and nana, always 100% there for us in every way.
Since turning 80, her health has gradually deteriorated. She has been a resolute heavy smoker all her life, which has caused a few issues between us, as I am very anti-smoking, and I was concerned about the impact of her smoking on her and on the dc, but we found ways around this, although it has clearly impacted on her health which I have found hard to witness.
She has dementia, which has become more evident over time, but she was managing at home with a gradually increasing care package until August last year when she went 'off her legs' with a urine infection - one of many she had had over a period of months.
She was admitted to short-term nursing care to treat this as it had got a hold of her and has been in her current nursing home since the end of January, having been in 4 other care settings in the interim. During this time she sustained a hip fracture following a fall in a very poor quality residential care home.
As you can imagine, the last few months have been ghastly for us all. Her current care setting is good, but she has deteriorated rapidly since arriving there in January. She is now confined to bed and is barely able to swallow so is taking very little orally except for small frequent amounts of pain relief. The staff are preparing us for her imminent death.
DH and I both work full time in demanding jobs. Dd and ds are in A level and GCSE year respectively. We have very little support around us. I have one older sister who lives 3 hours drive away, who has had various health and other issues over the last few years, which she is still grappling with. There are times when I feel overwhelmed with all I have to manage.
I can't believe that I am going to have to say goodbye to the person who has always loved me and been there for me. I am a very responsible and grown up adult, but want to howl like a baby and run away from this.
How am I going to get through this and how can I support my dc?