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AIBU?

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Original poster

To consider deleting a friend on facebook because she keeps posting her dd's reading level?

92 replies

bubblesinthesky · 14/04/2013 08:59

Honestly I really do not need an update every 2-3 days on which ORT book her amazing dd in reception is reading now. Nor do I need to have messages posted on my timeline asking what my DD is reading now and what level she was at at this point in reception.

I feel like posting "DD is currently reading War and Peace in the original Russian I think it was originally written in Russian and plans to read the Quaran in Arabic next. At this point in reception I think she was reading Harry Potter surprised your dd is still on ORT level 2"

AIBU to hate these type of updates?

OP posts:
Original poster
bubblesinthesky · 14/04/2013 12:24

I think I'll hide her posts - it seems to be the consensus.

Lougle I think your DD sounds amazing. You must be really proud of her.

As for comparing levels I hardly dare tell her dd was on level 4 or 5 ORT at this stage in reception. Nothing amazin about it. She's a great little reader and not so good at maths and spelling

OP posts:
HorryIsUpduffed · 14/04/2013 12:40

One mother in our class is desperately competitive. Her DC is one of the oldest in the year but had some additional needs, now overcome (deliberately vague) so I think at first she was just assessing how much the child was behind. But now DC is doing fine, and she is in the habit of continually comparing. It's like she can't help herself, and every conversation turns to reading levels or NC levels.

Fortunately, we don't all rise to the bait. Less fortunately, some of my friends get genuinely upset by the comparison (either because their child comes off unfavourably, or bevause they find comparison at all frustrating) so I feel obliged to absorb or redirect the conversation.

givemeaclue · 14/04/2013 12:46

I am with the passive aggressive suggestion from bobyan!

Yanbu go ahead and de friend

fuzzpig · 14/04/2013 12:55

I don't think there's anything wrong with seeking reassurance, or general conversation about it, but I agree with lueji that doing it on a fb wall is just... ugh. I mean if you want reassurance, why not send a PM or text (or ask in person if applicable) WHY would you write it where all the recipient's friends can see. I don't generally like the idea of pushing someone to answer a (possibly sensitive, if DC was struggling etc)question in front of loads of other people, though. A bit crass IMO.

MissLurkalot · 14/04/2013 13:04

Either make slightly sarcastic comment and she might delete you first or just delete her. It's your Facebook, you choose!

Bobyan · 14/04/2013 13:10

I wasn't being passive aggressive Wink

webwiz · 14/04/2013 13:10

Someone I know posted a video of her DS reading on facebook so we could all see for ourselves how fantastic he was at reading rather than just listen to her telling us Hmm.

JenaiMorris · 14/04/2013 13:11

Sometimes people are celebrating their child's progress rather than attempting to make comparisons.

BlackeyedSusan · 14/04/2013 13:26

if it annoys you , block it. reading levels are for those who are interested. usually mum, dad and gps.

pigletmania · 14/04/2013 13:34

I would message her your last sentence if she asks next about your dd reading Harry potter and you are surprised her dd is still on ORT

pigletmania · 14/04/2013 13:36

Oh god no web wiz hope you deleted her

Tommy · 14/04/2013 13:36

I hide quite a lot of people on FB whose status updates are dull - or showy offy. I have a little look what they've been up to if I know I'm going to see them but, so far, I don't think they've noticed I don't read everything they out up there..... Grin

BlackholesAndRevelations · 14/04/2013 13:38

Oh my god, I so hope I'm not one of those bloody parents who compare reading levels etc etc- I'm a teacher and have been quite frankly horrified by the playground gossip amongst my parents. When my dc start school I am going to keep out of it.

MrsGrowbag · 14/04/2013 13:44

Bubbles, if you think this is bad wait until your DC is Year 11 and the GCSE results come out... logging onto FB that day is funny in a tragicom way.
Seriously, I would definitely go with the sarcastic "reading war & peace in the original Russian" response. Maybe she'll get the message.
And if she doesn't, defriend her - she will only get worse.

JenaiMorris · 14/04/2013 14:47

But, but, but gcse results are big news! I want to hear how well my friends' children have done.

That doesn't have to mean 10 A*s - good enough is good enough. And if it's bad news, people can post words of encouragement or locally specific advice re retakes/colleges.

Reading levels and toilet training I understand, but other than close friends and family nobody is that bothered. Seeing as close friends and family are probably on FB kind of makes such updates justifiable (if dull) though.

webwiz · 14/04/2013 15:15

Jenai I think my DCs would be absolutely mortified if I put their GCSE results on facebook.

MrsGrowbag · 14/04/2013 15:42

Jenai, you're obviously a much nicer person than I am. With my fb friends, the ones who posted on results day were, of course, the ones whose children had done brilliantly and the mums wanted the world to know it. Most of the posts were on the lines of "so very proud of Ottie/Hamish/Petunia etc" without saying exactly what they had got (so not boasting in their book), then when people commented asking for details they were more than forthcoming, in a false-modesty kind of way iyswim!
webwiz yes my son would have been mortified as well. I was pleased and proud of him, but did not put it on FB!! And hope that i wouldn't have been tempted to even if he'd got 25 A*s .....

JenaiMorris · 14/04/2013 15:46

Well yes, there is that web Grin

I don't mean specific results, more 'well done' type updates.

I am very careful about tagging ds now he and all his mates are on FB (before I get flamed I watch his account, which is as locked down as possible, like a hawk - unlike a lot of his friends' accounts which are stupidly open).

mrsjay · 14/04/2013 15:47

I loved when DD1 results came out facebook was full of stressed out parents waiting on their teenagers to get out of bed to open their results Grin dd2 this year I am expecting the same

JenaiMorris · 14/04/2013 15:57

We've been here before haven't we, mrsjay? Two of about five people on the whole of mumsnet seemingly immune to boasting Grin

brdgrl · 14/04/2013 16:06

Oh dear. I hate boasty/competitive posts and most especially I hate people sharing reading 'levels'/test results/etc..

On the other hand, I posted the other day because DD has been accepted to a nursery - funded spot - and I was relieved and excited that she'll be going (we could not afford it if not a funded spot). There is no 'ability' test or anything, we just met the criteria of being the right age and filling out the form correctly. I hope I haven't given the wrong impression though...

I also suspect that I will post about things DD reads (when she gets to that stage), just like I post about things I read - especially when she enjoys something I read as a kid myself, for example - but that seems different to me than asking other people what level their kid is reading at!

mrsjay · 14/04/2013 16:29

We've been here before haven't we, mrsjay? Two of about five people on the whole of mumsnet seemingly immune to boasting

aye Grin tbf I didnt post her results but I did say she passed them all most people were pleased the ones that were not probably deleted me Wink

RollingThunder · 14/04/2013 16:30

I think it depends on the FB poster - a friend of mine sometimes posts about her daughter's achievements and I just feel that she is proud and happy mum. I don't feel any indication that she is comparing, or trying to make others feel bad - or boasting.

Whereas I can see if some people were doing it, it would be all those things.

UniqueAndAmazing · 14/04/2013 16:34

unless your friend thinks she's updating the school's reading scheme page, or she's a librarian or bookseller, then yanbu

delete away!

UniqueAndAmazing · 14/04/2013 16:48

I think.with gcses, i'd post that she passed them, good grades and she's able to do xyz as levels.
that's assuming she passes them Grin

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