I don't know what to do and would love some dispassionate advice.
I have a newborn DD (4weeks) , my first.
I have always adored my sister's 3 children, 6, 4 and 2, though they are what I would have in the past called 'spirited' in the extreme.
They came to visit day and for the third time in a row since DD arrived their visit was hell on earth. They woke her in her pram, they fought and screamed at each other, the eldest broke a newborn toy that was a gift, they chased each other round and round the kitchen where I was feeding DD for 20 mins, and a nice piece of furniture was damaged by them 'surfing on it' in the other room, I had no idea til I went in later. My sister cannot (never has been able to) control them. When I asked in desperation if they might 'prefer' to watch a DVD rather than chase each other round the kitchen my sister said they had been sitting for ages and needed to burn off some energy..l
I had told her I have only had a few hours sleep these past few nights. I am exhausted and struggling a bit. Their visit today made me stressed beyond belief and DD took hours to settle afterwards. She is a very poor sleeper and had just dropped off half an hour before my two year old nephew woke her. I don't blame him, he wanted to see the baby but my sister did nothing to stop him wobbling the pram. I tred to stop him but my sister is very defensive and reacts very badly indeed to any notion that she isn't exercising any control at all. I told him No three times but didn't know what else to do when he ignored me again and again, also I thought my sister was keeping an eye on him but she evidently wasn't!!
I have always struggled with my sister even when I am not zombie like from lack of sleep, she is a very difficult personality. In addition this is not a simple situation, she is very isolated and I can't simply shut the door on her and her children. I have spent a long time being a very hands on aunt and the trouble is that now my priority has to be DD. I have long known that my nieces and nephew are impossible to handle but I always tried to help in the past and now I just can't sit and watch while they run riot and disturb my newborn baby.
My sister has suggested a holiday together later in the summer, I had tentatively said yes but after today I cannot even begin to face the prospect.
I also feel bad about the fact that right now I cannot face having them come over again, the house is a tip and I am a nervous wreck, they literally just screamed and ran riot for four hours while my sister sat at the table drinking tea and occasionally asking them to play nicely.
What advice can anyone offer as to how to handle this situation? AibU to think that it would have been the right thing to get them to be a bit calmer around a newborn? Not to wake her in her pram etc.
I know I should have said more but I just don't know where to begin.
My brother has already pretty much cut her off because he finds her so impossible, I don't want to do anything of the sort but I feel I have let DD down today by not protecting her better.
I am finding new motherhood pretty hard going (obv!) and this is getting me really stressed.