19 year old male hit my 12 year old DS

[ItsYoniYappy]

My Ds came in crying and had wet himself with fear. DS was going in for 'a friend' the brother came out and took DS into his house and pushed him against his wall and told him never to come back to his door again then chased him home.

I seen red and asked Ds to get in the car with me and show me where this person lived, we seen him walking home as we drove to his house and I parked the car, jumped out of the car, ran over to the 19 year old who was taller and stronger than me (and DS) and grabbed him back his arms face on and shook him asking 'do you like someone older bullying you' and continued to do this until he answered me.

I couldn't shake him much as he was bigger, taller than me and quite heavy so he didn't move much but he got a fright.

He ran off to his house to get his mother and I advised her I would be sending the police, I have ruined any chance though by shaking the 19 year old. The mother said nothing.

I know I shouldn't have gone after him but I over reacted. DS advised me after this the 19 year old has some mental health issues and carries knives etc...and often just punches his brother for no reason when Ds plays with him on X Box. (After I had been and shook him)

I know I shouldn't have shook him but I just wanted to scare him as he had scared my DS, I think, I also have MH issues with PTSD and with this comes anger. My anger sometimes spills over onto non normal levels.

Was I BU by shaking him and scaring him? I most likely was but needed to vent anyway.

[MammaTJ]

The rugby is a positive thing, from my experience, it is a fun sport that whole families get involved in. A bit too much heavy drinking a bit too young (16-18) but that happens in a lot of places.

It does sound like you have a lot to deal with but are trying really hard to do that, that is all any of us can do isn't it really?

[ItsYoniYappy]

That's OK, his behaviour is a bit off just now but thank you for coming back, that's very nice of you

I guess it is a lot to deal with but it's just a way of life for me just now, like MammaJ says, we just get on with it, a few of the boys (ones I like) do spend a lot of time here, I had stopped it as I felt mine was the only house they were in but if it keeps DS safe, they can be quite good company too

I agree the rugby will be good for DS, he came in from school yesterday asking about Basketball too and worrying about what he will work as when he leaves school.

Hopefully this time next year, all the counselling will be finished, for all of us and their F will start to understand the meaning of no contact and I can go and get a job and escape these 4 walls for a few hours each day.

Thanks again, I think I could have had a harder time on here. For an AIBU thread I have found it very helpful.

[MammaTJ]

Sounds if he keep on building up the sports, something in that line might suit him job wise. It is a great confidence builder if you are good at it. Our local high school offers a GCSE course along those lines. It does assume a basic knowledge of most sports though.

[ItsYoniYappy]

That's very interesting, I wonder if something like this was mentioned yesterday at school, up until then he had always wanted to work with computers, yesterday he wanted a 'better job than that' and 'something he enjoyed a lot', I will talk to him a bit more tonight, I went on to talk about Technical drawing etc but he didn't like that, I will ask him more tonight.

I should know by now when he talks like this there is usually something behind it, it just comes out in dribs and drabs, he is very kind boy, checks the doors are double locked every night, helps me when we have cleanathon of the house, walks the dog, tells his brother he loves him every night, then me, he likes me to be in bed by 10pm, he stays awake if I am not up at 11pm..so I go at 9/10pm just now I even found him ironing last week, he is being taught in Home Economics, so that's a bonus.

Sorry I'm rambling...

[Robbabank]

Just checking in...from what you've written your son sounds very thoughtful and loving. He sounds protective of you and considerate towards you too. (Great that he is ironing - it's an excellent skill in a man!!)

It can be a pain when it seems you're the only one hosting the teenagers, but to see it another way, it could be because they're at their most relaxed there and your house has the nicest vibe .