Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

AIBU?

19 year old male hit my 12 year old DS

130 replies

ItsYoniYappy · 13/04/2013 21:52

My Ds came in crying and had wet himself with fear. DS was going in for 'a friend' the brother came out and took DS into his house and pushed him against his wall and told him never to come back to his door again then chased him home.

I seen red and asked Ds to get in the car with me and show me where this person lived, we seen him walking home as we drove to his house and I parked the car, jumped out of the car, ran over to the 19 year old who was taller and stronger than me (and DS) and grabbed him back his arms face on and shook him asking 'do you like someone older bullying you' and continued to do this until he answered me.

I couldn't shake him much as he was bigger, taller than me and quite heavy so he didn't move much but he got a fright.

He ran off to his house to get his mother and I advised her I would be sending the police, I have ruined any chance though by shaking the 19 year old. The mother said nothing.

I know I shouldn't have gone after him but I over reacted. DS advised me after this the 19 year old has some mental health issues and carries knives etc...and often just punches his brother for no reason when Ds plays with him on X Box. (After I had been and shook him)

I know I shouldn't have shook him but I just wanted to scare him as he had scared my DS, I think, I also have MH issues with PTSD and with this comes anger. My anger sometimes spills over onto non normal levels.

Was I BU by shaking him and scaring him? I most likely was but needed to vent anyway.

OP posts:

Report

mercibucket · 13/04/2013 22:26

Did he hit him or 'just' push him up against the wall? If it wasn't a hit, and your ds saw you grab hold of the other boy, then I'd call it 'even stevens'.
Sounds v upsetting. I hope your ds is ok now.

mercibucket · 13/04/2013 22:26

Did he hit him or 'just' push him up against the wall? If it wasn't a hit, and your ds saw you grab hold of the other boy, then I'd call it 'even stevens'.
Sounds v upsetting. I hope your ds is ok now.

thornrose · 13/04/2013 22:26

I agree Laurie.
I'm not one for involving the police but I think I'd be tempted to have a chat with them. This guy has gone too far and I wonder if his mum is struggling with his behaviour?
Someone needs to be aware of the fact he's carrying knives at the very least!

Footface · 13/04/2013 22:27

I think that you should try to get in contact with your dad to stop him going and making it worse

TheNebulousBoojum · 13/04/2013 22:28

You believed everything your DS said at the time about the incident, and the other stuff about hitting his brother and carrying knives and thus having mental problems.
I wonder how much was fact and how much was elaboration.
My DS got into a lot of trouble at school by being bear-baited by others, including younger children. Lying about him carrying knives and stealing, verbally attacking him to provoke a reaction. Sometimes DS lashed out, always as a consequence of being tormented.
Fortunately the school treated each situation rationally, searching his bag, sorting out what the true situation had been and sanctioning everyone accordingly. Including DS.
I think it is best that your son stays away from the house, and the teenager in the future. I'm surprised that you didn't know where the house was that your son was in on a regular basis. You were unreasonable to attack without ascertaining the facts.

TheNebulousBoojum · 13/04/2013 22:30

'Someone needs to be aware of the fact he's carrying knives at the very least!'

The police are the correct people to find out if he's carrying an illegal knife outside the home. Or if, like my son, it was a large paperclip and three cards that other pupils fantasised was a knife.

WorraLiberty · 13/04/2013 22:37

Blimey, awful thing to happen.

I hope your 12yr old is ok now?

lurkedtoolong · 13/04/2013 22:39

What a horrible situation all round. YWBU but it's perfectly understandable. I can't fathom why your dad has gone round though - just makes everyone involved sound completely thuggish. Can you not stop him?

ItsYoniYappy · 13/04/2013 22:39

My son has never been in their house before, he just goes to their door, he plays x box live to hears the brother over that.

I texted my Mum, she stopped my Dad going out/up to the house and told Ds she doesn't want him out with 'his gang' tomorrow.

Tbh I don't like my Ds going around with many of the people he has been with but they stopped talking to him at Xmas saying 'his mum chooses his friends'

DS became very unwell and did not go to school for 5 weeks, he suffered bad from anxiety/depression as they were not directly bullying him but name-calling etc. DS is on 6 month waiting list for CAMHS

To get him back to school I had to try sort out the problem, I spoke with a parents (all calm) and advised what I thought was happening at school (verbal bullying) Ds went back to school and they became friends again. This is a group of around 10 DC, they hang around in crowds of from 4 upto 10.

I would prefer he wasn't with them but my only other option just now is this or him being depressed/anxious/suicidal.

I have totally calmed down and realise I should have just sent DS friends away and called the police, my parents wouldn't as they will not have police at their door.

OP posts:

VelvetSpoon · 13/04/2013 22:40

This all sounds quite bizarre and a bit JK.

Has this only just happened? (ie in the last hour or so?) If so, why was your 12 year old out this late, esp as you don't seem to know the friend or even where they live?

Did the other boy actually know how old your DS is? At 6ft, he might well be taken for 15/16 not 12.

I wouldn't have reacted as you did tbh. You've left yourself without much of a leg to stand on re any police involvement. I hope you manage to speak to your father and he doesn't go there as well, as that will clearly only inflame the situation further.

ItsYoniYappy · 13/04/2013 22:43

I will get the full name again tomorrow and give the police a call I think. I will explain I shook the 19 year old but tell them my worries about knives etc and him taking my DS into the house, that's a bit worrying, especially the mum being there.

DS is still upset but OK

OP posts:

ItsYoniYappy · 13/04/2013 22:44

8.20pm DS is to be in for 8.30pm

Yes I messed up royally

OP posts:

thornrose · 13/04/2013 22:57

I think referencing JK is really snide and unhelpful.

thornrose · 13/04/2013 22:59

But then you know that don't you?

TheNebulousBoojum · 13/04/2013 23:25

I think involving the local community police is a much better and safer idea for everyone involved, rather than vigilante justice.

LouiseSmith · 13/04/2013 23:28

I would still ring the police, your child is a minor. This boy is an adult and should have known better. I can not say you overreacting, and I don't think any parent will say you overreacted. I would have killed him, weather he was 6foot or not! xx

CurlyhairedAssassin · 13/04/2013 23:30

No, thornrose, when the OP states things like her parents "will not have police at their door" then people WILL assume exactly the kind of behaviour that is displayed on JK, unless there is an explanation behind that kind of comment.

Look, OP, you realise you made the wrong choice in going round there. However, you might now get yourself into trouble if you've caught hold of him physically, so you need to prepare yourself for that if you do go to the police.

Can you explain what the 19 yr old's mum was doing while all this was going on? Is she a reasonable person or one to fly off the handle?

thornrose · 13/04/2013 23:35

Which people WILL assume that? You?

I understand that people come from all walks of life and some people have a fear and mistrust of the police. I don't need anyone to explain that.

I stand by my comment, it's snide and unhelpful and I'll add it's judgemental and makes you look like your scoring cheap points.

thornrose · 13/04/2013 23:37

You're grr!

queencat · 13/04/2013 23:43

I'm so sorry your son was so frightened he wet himself, that's awful and I can understand your reaction. Your DS sounds like he is really going through it at the moment and your reaction I imagine is a culmination of all of that. I would have probably done the same out of anger. I don't think it's JK at all considering what he seems to have been through but I would just leave it for now rather than getting other relatives involved and I would be prepared for the police if they do.

TheNebulousBoojum · 13/04/2013 23:44

'I don't think any parent will say you overreacted. I would have killed him, weather he was 6foot or not!'

I think some of us are saying that she over-reacted.
And that before killing someone, it might be a good idea to find out exactly what happened. Which is why the police should be involved.

nannyof3 · 13/04/2013 23:47

He has MH issues!!

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 13/04/2013 23:47

I'm from a rough area OP and I know the kind of situations which can arise like this...and go on and on and in my experience one of the best ways to curtail them is to act as you did.

You're very upset naturally as you're obviously a decent and kind person naturally. But you did what you had to do...don't regret it. If you feel that the lad might pose a threat in future, speak to the police tomorrow they won't give a shit that you shook the lad...they'll see it for what it was. He's not a child...he's an adult.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 13/04/2013 23:49

Thornrose: Yes, I will assume that there is a possibility that this is a family who has a mistrust of the police , exactly like you say, and who therefore is likely to misguidedly solve problems through arguing and sending their relatives round to inflame the situation. It will not solve anything.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 13/04/2013 23:51

it's easy to judge and say "Oh how Jeremy Kyle you should have called the police."

But when you live in a community where people rule by fear, that can cause even worse trouble than the Op describes as having happened.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.