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AIBU?

19 year old male hit my 12 year old DS

130 replies

ItsYoniYappy · 13/04/2013 21:52

My Ds came in crying and had wet himself with fear. DS was going in for 'a friend' the brother came out and took DS into his house and pushed him against his wall and told him never to come back to his door again then chased him home.

I seen red and asked Ds to get in the car with me and show me where this person lived, we seen him walking home as we drove to his house and I parked the car, jumped out of the car, ran over to the 19 year old who was taller and stronger than me (and DS) and grabbed him back his arms face on and shook him asking 'do you like someone older bullying you' and continued to do this until he answered me.

I couldn't shake him much as he was bigger, taller than me and quite heavy so he didn't move much but he got a fright.

He ran off to his house to get his mother and I advised her I would be sending the police, I have ruined any chance though by shaking the 19 year old. The mother said nothing.

I know I shouldn't have gone after him but I over reacted. DS advised me after this the 19 year old has some mental health issues and carries knives etc...and often just punches his brother for no reason when Ds plays with him on X Box. (After I had been and shook him)

I know I shouldn't have shook him but I just wanted to scare him as he had scared my DS, I think, I also have MH issues with PTSD and with this comes anger. My anger sometimes spills over onto non normal levels.

Was I BU by shaking him and scaring him? I most likely was but needed to vent anyway.

OP posts:

Report

thornrose · 13/04/2013 23:52

Nor will saying it's all a bit JK. That just really gets my goat.

TheNebulousBoojum · 13/04/2013 23:52

YES!!!!
HE has MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES!!!!!!
AND CARRIES A KNIFE!!!!!

Based on the word of a frightened 12 year old who has heard him over the Xbox. That's evidence that is!!!!!!

thornrose · 13/04/2013 23:53

Ant you weren't the only one to say it Curly.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 13/04/2013 23:54

OP, where is your son now? From what you are saying it sounds like he is staying at your parents' for the night? Is there any particular reason for that? Is your house near to the 19 yr old's and he feels too scared to be at home?

Bessie123 · 13/04/2013 23:54

I don't see why you shouldn't call the police now. Shoving an adult who attacked your child is not the same as an adult attacking a child. That family sounds like scum.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 14/04/2013 00:02

I do have some knowledge of families having to deal with the problems that come with living in rough areas. I am hugely sympathetic and yes, I shouldn't have said the JK comment, knowing the people I know who live in those areas. But someone had to try to point out that vigilante behaviour is not "the norm" in the rest of society and while it may be the only solution in some areas for some issues, it doesn't make it right. Also it becomes learned behaviour and passed down from generation to generation. I hear this stuff every day.

serin · 14/04/2013 00:14

OP you state that you have your own MH issues, are they in any part caused by the area in which you are living? Is there any way at all you could relocate to somewhere calmer?

It would allow both yourself and DS a fresh start.

Poor kid, I bet he was absolutely terrified. I would still report the whole matter to the Police.

thornrose · 14/04/2013 00:15

Curly, not sure why it provoked such a reaction with me.
I think because like you I have knowledge of families that live in terrible circumstances and my protective instincts kicked in.

ENormaSnob · 14/04/2013 00:15

I would still inform the police tbh.

Very very concerning that he has done that to a 12 year old.

Hope your ds is ok.

TheNebulousBoojum · 14/04/2013 00:17

Yes, police.
Rather than your dad and your teenage nephew going over...to do what exactly?

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 14/04/2013 00:17

Curly stop saying "Vigilante" in response to a Mother protecting her child from an adult man.

AnAirOfHope · 14/04/2013 00:22

Please call ss on monday and report the family. Im guessing the friend is 12 yo and the 19 yo will be hitting and abusing him too. The best thing you can do is call social services and tell them what happened and what your son said.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 14/04/2013 00:40

That's a good point Hope and his Mother might be suffering too.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 14/04/2013 00:45

In my book a vigilante is someone who takes the law into their own hands in order to get revenge on someone who has done them an injustice, whether criminal or otherwise.

I find it hard not to use the word in these circumstances.

And by the way, the OP was NOT " protecting" her son - by then her son was safe at home. She could have left it there, stayed with her upset son and tried to sort it out when she felt calmer. Instead the OP went off looking for the 19 yr old to give him what for, knowing full well that she has past history for losing her temper in a way that, in her own words, often spills out onto non normal levels. This could hardly be described as "protecting" her son. I can completely understand her emotional reaction, but to describe it as protecting him is just wrong.

crazydrunkevilyoni · 14/04/2013 00:47

This is all a bit Jk No this happens on a day to day basis you have just had the fortune if only ever seeing/hearing it on JK .
I think the bigger point hear is a grown man attacked a child , even if the Boy had done something (not saying he did) their is no plausible reason for a grown man to attack a child .
I would of done a hell of a lit more than just shake him if it was my Ds as its nature to protect your own & when the need arises you don't think you just do .
Op please ensure you call the police as this needs reporting you did nothing wrong , I hope your Ds is ok

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 14/04/2013 00:47

No Curly she was protecting him from further attack.Vigilante is an emotive word designed to make the OP feel bad.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 14/04/2013 00:50

OP, I hope you're ok and that your son is too. Sorry this has digressed a bit onto the subject of living in rough areas and the problems that follows with that. It wasn't helpful for you. I hope you can sort it out without it escalating.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 14/04/2013 00:51

Curly stop being so passive aggressive. You came on the OPs thread and said some tacky things. She pointed out that the area is rough...nobody else.

AnAirOfHope · 14/04/2013 00:55

Op please call social services as this child has to live with his abuser and it seems the mother cant protect him. This child needs your help.

TheNebulousBoojum · 14/04/2013 00:56

Good job he didn't attack her with the knife then. The one the OP's son knows he carries.
Sorting people out yourself leads to escalation and danger for a wide range of others within the community. I'd class what the OP did, and what her father is/was planning to do as vigilante action.
The 19 year old went to get his mum, and the OP shouted at her.
Why do you think he went to get his mum? As backup or to explain what happened, or what?

Mitzyme · 14/04/2013 00:57

Right that's it total rubbish OP. Mums net HQ sort out AIBU or Mumsnet AIBU ( which I love ) lis everything that the critics say it is.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 14/04/2013 00:58

He went to get his Mum because he's a bully and he realised he'd gone too far and shat himself. Bullies always do when faced with anger.

thornrose · 14/04/2013 00:59

What does that mean Mitzyme?

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 14/04/2013 01:01

I suspect she's posted on the wrong thread by mistake thorn.

TheNebulousBoojum · 14/04/2013 01:03

Neo, but surely a man of 19 doesn't need his mum?
He could just have knocked the OP down and told the police that she attacked him, and that the 12 year old had tried to force his way into the house to see his friend after being told no, and that he'd been removing the intruder from the house?
You know, lie?

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