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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to freak out? please help, i dont know how to handle..

67 replies

CocacolaMum · 11/04/2013 22:41

My daughter is 7 and over at her 7yr old cousins house for a sleepover

My sis in law just sent me the following message...

I think you need to have a word with Jenny
We left Jenny and Andy in kitchen and they both went toilet together and I heard Jenny say to Andy do you want to see my (you know what ) then I heard her say I don't have a willy can I touch yours , then whilst I was at shops Simon had them in the bath and he nipped downstairs but could hear them on monitor and heard her say shall we kiss with tongue, so Simon went up and saw them kissing with tongue and Jenny said Andy's willy went hard .... I come back and I'm like omfg then I heard them again on the monitor making kissing noises so I went up there and told them they need to top and tale now and go to sleep ! I dunno what to do x

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO SAY OR DO. Someone please please help.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 11/04/2013 22:57

"My 7 yo wouldn't know the first thing about this stuff but then again I'm single so he never witnesses kissing, with or without tongues!"

Maybe not from you, but there is television and a big world around him too..

TigOldBitties · 11/04/2013 22:59

It's not a massive deal, kids do this. I did something quite similar, and there's been a few incidents with my DCs over the years.

I would apologise to SIL, say you would think she should put them in separate beds and if this isn't convenient you would come and get her. I think she should manage to separate them without you needing to collect her.

When you next see her, have a chat about touching, private parts, boundaries, what's normal and not normal as family members. You could try and find out where she heard it.

It's obviously a bit surprising but not panic.

YoniWankEnobi · 11/04/2013 23:00

Go get them. They should NOT be sharing a bed or bath.

If this is real, have a serious talk about how bodies are private things and how although boys and girls should be friends, it can be rude to touch them on private areas, like if you touched a boy 's bottom.

If this is real, then make sure to impress about boundaries and privacy. She needs to KNOW that these areas are private (for her own safety).

LadyBeagleEyes · 11/04/2013 23:00

Original poster

CocacolaMum · 11/04/2013 23:01

I came on to ask for help because I know I have a tendency to go off at the deep end and wanted some advice from other mums. Its 11pm and I had no idea what to do. ordinarily I could go and get her but I am on medication and can't drive (which was why she was over there - to give me a rest)

Yes they do top and tail? I have never had an issue in the past. DD and DS have lots of cousins and they have had sleepovers like that for as long as I can remember? As did I when I was growing up.

I have asked her to bring DD downstairs. I do trust SIL, she had no idea how to handle it either.

OP posts:

5madthings · 11/04/2013 23:02

Fgs there is nothing wrong with 7 yr olds sharing a bed, or having a bath together or even going to the toilet together. Mine often follow each other into the bathroom chatting and their friends do the sane when visiting, ditto children staying over having a bath together or top and tailing in bed.

These children are cousins so bath sharing etc normal.

This may well be totally innocent curiosity and experimentation but its important to talk to them about appropriate boundaries.

And overtly sexualised behavior in young children raises safe guarding flags, it could be nothing but its something to be aware of.

TigOldBitties · 11/04/2013 23:02

FFS there is NOTHING wrong or abnormal about 7 year olds sharing a bed or a bath or going to the toilet together.

Original poster

CocacolaMum · 11/04/2013 23:02

and no, they aren't the real names.

OP posts:

5madthings · 11/04/2013 23:03

Agree tigoldbitties

plinkyplinkyplink · 11/04/2013 23:03

I disagree Tig, when one is asking to touch the others genitals. Kissing with tongues is undoubtedly sexual. They shouldn't be sharing a bed.

gordyslovesheep · 11/04/2013 23:03

agreed - 7 year olds bathing together or sharing a bed is not a big deal - unless either of them objects to it.

I think some people are being massively over dramatic -

MissAnnersley · 11/04/2013 23:04

DS certainly used to top and tail with his cousins when younger.

I wouldn't have a clue what to do either OP but think separating them is the only thing your SIL can do this late at night.

5madthings · 11/04/2013 23:05

Well obviously after what has happened in the bath no, plinky but as a general rule its fine for children this age to share a bed.

Doinmummy · 11/04/2013 23:05

I'm sure you feel a bit shocked but it is quite normal for kids to do this. You'd be amazed where they pick stuff up from, TV, older children , even seeing people kissing in public . I think a talk about good/bad touching and keeping some things private is a good idea.

WorraLorraYonis · 11/04/2013 23:07

She sounds a bit full on

I think a talk about privacy is definitely in order

TigOldBitties · 11/04/2013 23:08

No Plinky you've misunderstood.

There is nothing wrong with 7 year olds sharing a bed, bath or going to the toilet together.

Two children are being inappropriate with each other should be separated.

These are two different but supportive statements. It wouldn't matter if they were 3,5,7,9 or 15. Making the comment that generally children of age 7 shouldn't be that familiar with each other is ludicrous and unrealistic.

RevoltingPeasant · 11/04/2013 23:10

Worra I am now tempted to make inappropriate remarks about yoni massage on this thread which would be Very Wrong.

Have you msged SIL OP?

HollyBerryBush · 11/04/2013 23:12

Don't think it can't happen because of their age. I was involved with half siblings aged 5 and 6 who were attempting intercourse. The girl (6) was also coercing male class mates into overtly sexual situations.

IneedAsockamnesty · 11/04/2013 23:12

A few years ago I came across a social story type of book aimed at kids about that age dealing with curiosity of that nature.

I cannot recall its name but perhaps someone else may know it.

plinkyplinkyplink · 11/04/2013 23:13

Yes, OK Tig. I suppose I'm finding it tricky to think about it outside of this particular context. Sexual kissing and the little boy having a erection, then putting them in bed together. I don't understand why a sensible parent would intervene.

Of course children are curious and explore each other. It's naive to think otherwise, but I'd be pissed off if my DD was in that situation and the parent in charge allowed them to share a bed.

Original poster

CocacolaMum · 11/04/2013 23:14

Ok after a short chat with SIL she has DD on the sofa. The reason she left them together was a) because it was so totally out of character for DD that she just didn't know how to react and b) she didn't want to upset her by making a big deal. She just sternly told her that it was completely inappropriate to talk/behave like that and if she did it anymore she wouldn't be allowed to sleep over. After that she sent them to bed as usual to keep things normal. I can kind of see where she was coming from.

We have agreed that she shouldn't mention it again until she brings DD home and then we are going to sit both of the kids down and talk about privacy/touching.

The reason I said I was embarrassed wasn't because of natural experimenting or whatever you want to call it but I suppose because this all happened somewhere I couldn't deal with it right away!? The way she worded the message it was ALL DD and I was shocked she would do that. Shes 7 ffs, shes my baby!!

OP posts:

OHforDUCKScake · 11/04/2013 23:16

BS.

RevoltingPeasant · 11/04/2013 23:17

OP SIL may feel the same way and be offloading some of the 'blame' to DD so as not to have to think that about her DS.

We had something when I was younger called the 'What's happening to my body? book' - maybe get her something like that.

However.... it probably won't be the last time she shocks you. Wait till she discovers heels and short skirts

gordyslovesheep · 11/04/2013 23:18

Holly I don't think you are wrong - I have worked with similar cases BUT most kids are abused by male relatives/family friends - do we then ban all kids from having contact with such?

you don't run in screaming peedo emergency at this stage - I think people are being very dramatic - all 3 of mine bath together - they are 10,8 and 4 - they are fine with it - if they where not it would stop

IneedAsockamnesty · 11/04/2013 23:18

The erection is not relevant at that age they get them all the time its not the same as when someone with a different level of understanding or awareness gets them.

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