AIBU or is that what playgroup is supposed to be?

[goingwildforcrayons]

Just come back from Playgroup this morning, first time took DS.

When we arrived, there was no-one obvious who looked in charge, I had to find a person and say we were new, what did we need to do, where do we sign in, fill in any forms etc. No suprise that half way through the session, a woman came round asking everyone had they signed in as there were more kids there than on the register.

The kids were just doing their own thing whilst the parents sat around stuffing their faces with toast. Kids were walking round eating toast, the playgroup leaders/organisers were walking round eating toast (AIB stuck up to think that maybe the leaders should not be walking around scoffing toast?)

Toys were just generally dumped in different piles. Kids played on their own and I didn't see any kids mixing or playing together. I didn't expect them to all stick together like glue, but none of them made eye contact, gave a toy/shared a toy/took a toy off another, followed another around or laughed together. Ages were from about 1 year to 3 years.

I thought there might have been a couple of specific activities to do, in addition to general play, such as musical instrument corner or sing song or something but there wasn't. Or does that not happen at playgroup?

I'm going to try a different one next week and see what that is like.

What!? People dont think thqts normal?

You've just described every baby group Ive ever attended.

Totally normal.

OP if you want set activities, you need to seek out days for just that - messy play, music groups, library meets, swimming, baby gym.

That are organised with a flow and a purpose.

I've attended a bunch of different sorts of these groups with my children and found they can be quite different. I think you should just attend different ones until you find the sort of atmosphere that fits what you might be looking for. This one you attended, to me, sounds great as I much prefer them to the overly-structured ones where you are endlessly given unsolicited advice on how to raise your own children. Yet I am glad those ones are there too because there are people who are looking for that and it is nice to feel like everyone can go somewhere to suit their needs.

TBH I didn't know what to expect, that is why I asked. I didn't go because it was free, I went so he could mix and learn to be with others. I think ChilliJo is on to something because on the Sure Start termly calendar it is described as playgroup, hence I thought it was something structured. However, when I've looked on the website of the school which hosts it, it is described as a toddler group run by volunteers.

Outraged I like your analogy. There were some positives though: it wasn't just exclusively for mums as there was a dad, some childminders, grandparents e.t.c.

DS didn't seem that bothered he just played with the cars. Perhaps I'm a little disappointed as I thought he might make a little friend, especially as he interacts so well with adults and his cousins.

At least I know where to go for a carb craving

Sone toddler groups will be better suited to you than others. I tried loads and settled into a fairy organised one: people on the door to give you a sticker with a name on and take the register (and there was a waiting list so never too crowded, and if you didn't go for a while then a kind soul would phone and check you were ok), then areas set out for babies, ride-ons, books and other toys (and it was policed as well so the 4 year olds didn't run over the babies), then some organised activity, snacks for all, tidying and a quick sing song. There were wall to wall volunteers to hold babies or talk to you if you were by yourself, and once a term they'd cook lunch for everyone

I think they are great really. Can't get coffee biscuits (or toast) snacks for toddlers and free toys for a few pence anywhere else.
They are a godsend for me and I've met some good friends at them
Keeps me going until pre school.
I help with one of them and its hard work. I admire people who run then regularly.

'I tried loads and settled into a fairy organised one'

You have one organised by fairies?!

Ours are all run by mums or old ladies.

Keep going, you'll get to know people. It sounds a bit like my playgroup but slightly less structured - we have a craft thing set up and then toys set up in different areas of the room, ie toy kitchen in one bit, trains in another, books somewhere else. you sign in and pay and write down if you want tea or coffee. There is snacktime for the children and you get a drink and a biscuit, then singing at the end.

It took me a while to get to know people as it does seem like everyone knows each other already, but you just keep trying and you get known.

DS just plays alongside the other children, but I like it because I can talk to the other parents / carers and ignore him while I eat my jammy dodger

Sounds more like a Toddler Group where parents/carers stay and have coffee and socialise and children get to stay.

Playgroup is to me as an early years practitioner is a group where children get left with qualified and experienced staff. You pay for it and is usually 2-3 year olds before nursery. Or it is where I live.

OP, I think you'll be sorely disappointed whichever toddler group you go to if you have a problem with volunteer helpers taking refreshments. They're not there to start children on their lifelong learning journey. They're there to set up, pack away, clean, mop up spills and accidents, make toast (loads of it!), organise, plan...

I help to run a toddler group, and it can be a thankless task. Please don't begrudge those helpers a bit of toast

''AIB stuck up to think that maybe the leaders should not be walking around scoffing toast?''

A bit stuck up. Playgroup leaders are volunteers and are usually also parents of small DCs.

Nobody coming to greet you sounds a bit off. I used to run a playgroup and I always kept my eyes out for new members and made sure to chat to them and try and introduce them to a couple of the other parents/carers there. Has this group just started?

where we live, what you describe is, as other posters have said, a baby and toddler group. The village we lived in when DSs were little had a baby and toddler group (new born - 3) and a playgroup. the playgroup was run by a committee (of parents) and employed qualified workers. Children attended from 2.5 - 4 years, so it was what other people would call "pre school".

I think the point of baby and toddler groups, is that they give parents a chance to socialise, they are really for the benefit of the parents rather than the children. Playgroup is the opposite, it is geared towards the needs of the children, and parents don't stay with them. Of course, it's also a great opportunity for mums to have 2 hours to read trashy magazines catch up on house work and shopping.
I personally loved the baby and toddler group we attended - I moved to a village where I didn't know anyone, with 2 toddlers in tow, and quickly got to know other mums through the B&T group, many of whom became very good friends.

It's worth checking out with the organisers what the aims of the group are. The one I went to was incredibly informal, but there were "jobs" which everyone signed up to (making coffee, setting up, clearing away etc) and on a 3 month rota everyone was expected to put their name down x amounts of time.

If you're in a town/city then you could try out different groups as they will be organised differently, and then stick with one which you find suits you.

In my experience, groups differed. I went to a baby group where we took it in turns to open up, sat around chatting and was very unstructured. I have also been to a church group which was much more structured, painting/creative at one end, fixed sit down break for children (toast and juice) and a circle time at the end, but that was paid for and some people then don't want to say grace/prayer (which I was fine with as it was part and parcel of being in the church). Try different ones, but it is not structured if it is run by volunteers, and why would they be eating anything but toast?! If you want it different, you would have to organize that yourself/pay/go on committee and run things yourself.

Does your library run a toddler storytime session? They're quite structured (obviously, around a story!), sometimes have a sing-song, completely free at my library and usually have a really good turn out. Not too long either so child or mother don't get bored.

I am a bit upset that my playgroup does not offer toast now though.

To me, playgroup and toddler group, stay and play, mums and tots etc are all the same thing.

The one where you leave your children is either a pre-school or nursery.

Group has been going for at least 18 months. I wouldn't begrudge anyone a piece of toast, I just thought that maybe there should be a set area to eat toast and drink tea and coffee not just wander around with them. I certainly don't expect the group leaders/volunteers to start my child on a lifelong learning journey.

Mynameis, I know it sounds like I am a bit obsessed with toast but seriously, three trays were piled high with the toast. I thought it was for the school children at break time at first!

I love toast it's one of my favourite foods. Toast would keep me going back to that playgroup on its own

I'm getting on a bit now, so these definitions may be hopelessly out of date, but my understanding was:

Parent and toddler group - very small charge made to cover cost of room hire and refreshments, run by mums or volunteers, parents sit around chatting and drinking cups of tea and scoffing biscuits, children get soft drinks and play with random toys. Very rarely play with each other because very small children don't really and sometimes a scuffle will ensue over two children wanting the same toy.

Playgroup - run by professionals, much more expensive than toddler group, take children from age of about 3?, parents leave their offspring for a morning or afternoon, mostly play ie sandpit, dressing up, sometimes a bit of learning/story telling.

Nursery school - like playgroup only more expensive again, more formal teaching, scarier leaders.

Well that was my experience anyway. One of mine got sent home with a letter from nursery saying that she didn't appear to know her colours. Oh the shame!

Playgroup can describe a toddler group/stay and play/parent and child type thing, or it can describe a "sessional pre-school group" for children over 2ish where parents don't stay.

yabu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is the norm

they are volunteers remember!

Our mother-and-baby group was similar . . . except it didn't have toast, or a register or a fee. I'm now wistfully thinking of a group with toast

Our's was run by the local nursery nurse who also led Bounce&Rhyme at the library on different days.

The m-and-b group was much more informal and really an opportunity for the mums to chat iyswim. I loooooved it. It made such a nice change from all the structured activities.

However, have an ask round, your area will probably have the more structured classes too. We also used to go to one that had different play areas, craft activities, a snack, a story and a song. It was grim

I don't know how old your DS is but developmentally it's totally normal for them not to play together until they're about 3. Until that age they're quite self obsessed and don't really realise that other people are people unless they're specifically engaging with them. So adults and older children who will engage with them, yep, good to go. But introduce them to other under-3s and you're wasting your time hoping they'll notice each other because they just won't. The only way they will interact is if adults proactively organise the game e.g. let's kick this ball to each other/physically putting 2 children on the sides of a see saw etc. Or they will generally act like territorial animals towards each other because they can't process the fact that someone else is touching the thing they want to play with, even if it's a giant train set.

The best toddler groups I've been to have been sure start and those in churches. One on a farm was fab too and a toddler dance was good too.