I'll try and keep this as brief as possible.
It was my birthday at the weekend. My DH is best man at his friends wedding next month and therefore took charge of stag party duties. He organised a day out at the coast leaving early morning on my birthday and coming home the following day in the afternoon. Although he organised it to fall on my birthday, I understood that getting a date so all the grooms friends could attend and I didn't make a fuss at all.
So birthday morning comes around and yet again, no present (he hasn't 'had the money' to buy me one for about 5years). I was kind of expecting it however I suppose my hopes were raised as I thought because he was off for the day he would have made an effort this year. He didnt. He got up, got dressed and left just after 7am....and that was the last I heard from him. He didnt text or call all day. Maybe I should have texted him but I suppose I was expecting him to since it was my birthday. My SILs and some friends came round for a glass of wine that night, most of whom had DPs out on this stag, and they were all (without exception) receiving texts and phonecalls throughout the night.
So it comes down to this really, AIBU to be upset that despite me not making a fuss over his date choice for the day out and lack of present again he didn't think to text or phone to see if I was having a nice day, to check if our 5DC were ok, to wish me a good night (he knew friends were coming round). AIBU to feel really hurt that my friends were all receiving texts and I had to sit there and laugh it off? He thinks I'm overreacting and asking too much of him and "nothing he does will ever be good enough". I feel that's his way of turning around on me, but he does have the gift of making me doubt myself.
That was actually really long, sorry. We just have problems and I feel like the lack of effort sums up why. He doesn't agree, he thinks I expect too much of him.
So AIBU?? 
AIBU?
DH, My Birthday and The Stag Night
Justtheonemore · 11/04/2013 07:57
Thank you for your replies. I honestly didnt feel I was being unreasonable but he has a way of making me second guess myself, it's hard to explain.
We've been together almost 13 years, he's always been cold emotionally but over the last few years its gotten to the point where not only does he make no effort but he doesn't even seem to think he has to. When I question it its always "You ask too much" or "You're just trying to drive me away, this is what you want". Why are we still together? Partly financial I suppose, although this shames me, but mainly for the children and because I love him.
I do want to say, I don't usually expect texts constantly when he's out. I suppose it just hurt as there wasn't a "Have a nice day" text or anything. Plus he was staying out overnight and if it was the other way around and he was at home with 5 DC he would expect a phonecall. Plus with my friends phones beeping on the night, I guess it just drove it home. I've actually always been quite low maintenance but now I wonder if somehow by not expecting a lot I've facilitated his behaviour, as its gotten worse and worse.
As for the no gift thing, I always get him a gift on his birthday. Sometimes it's big, sometimes no so big. For the last five years all I've gotten is him being defensive and shouting "You know I have no money". I'm not materialistic, a small token would make me happy, but the thing is he does have some money. This stag do cost upwards of £100 before he'd even set off, hes always had money for a few pints and a bet previous years. What he means is he has money but he'd rather spend it on other things. Just something small and thoughtful. The amount of thought and attention he put into organising the stag, makes me feel pretty worthless if I'm being honest
I organise the children's birthdays - presents, parties etc, its all me. In fact he's only ever made it to a couple of the parties. I have a sinking feeling in my stomach tells me you were probably expecting that answer
And no, I can't bring myself to look at him this week never mind do anything for him. He's an arse a lot, but something about Saturday really and truly hurt
That makes me pathetic, I'm sick of feeling low.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Oh god, Just, I thought you were going to say something like 'oh he tells me I'm better at present shopping so it is usually me' but he doesn't even go to their parties? I don't know whether I'm more or 
You must realise that your 'still with him for the sake of the children' thing doesn't really stack up if he is as inconsiderate and shitty a father as he is a husband.
You aren't the pathetic one in this, he is. But the ball is well and truly in your court as to whether you let him make you feel low, or do something to make you proud of yourself and make him realise what an utter fuckwit he is being
OP without knowing any of your back story or other threads that have been mentioned, from your post your H sounds like a selfish prick.
Not being able to afford a present is bollocks IMO. He can afford stag dos? He can afford a few pints on a night out and anything else he wants. A present doesn't have to cost much - I'm guessing you would have been over the moon to receive anything, even if it had only cost a few quid - just because it would have shown that he cares .
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
should read final post before writing nearly that same thing...
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.