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AIBU to think that posters who ask for advice and then don't return to the thread are rude time-wasters?

33 replies

DaemonPantalaemon · 11/04/2013 05:28

This is a pet peeve of mine. Why would you ask for advice and then not return to the thread? Particularly if the original post has a lot of gaps, and people ask for more information? What is the point of such threads? I have been following a poster who has made 6 (6!) separate threads about the same work-related issue, and she never comes back, or acknowledges the advice, or answers the questions. Then she starts a new thread. On the same issue, just with a different title.

OP posts:

Chottie · 11/04/2013 05:36

Yes, the OP not coming back, does leave everyone who replied hanging in the air wondering what the outcome was.

I've tended to post on more practical matters and the advice given has been really useful. I do post my thanks, 'cos I've been really grateful :)


Crawling · 11/04/2013 06:04

YANBU I hate it to.


tumbletumble · 11/04/2013 06:27

The poster you refer to does sound really annoying. But I have started a thread in the past and been mildly flamed and I was surprised how upsetting I found it and how personal some of the comments were. I did come back because I agree with you it's rude not to, but it took a lot of courage. I know that sounds ridiculous when it's only strangers on the internet. Now I'd think twice before starting a thread in AIBU!


MrsMangoBiscuit · 11/04/2013 06:32

I've just read a thread where this happened, so I was just thinking that it's a bit rude, hit "active" and saw this thread!

YANBU at all! Grin


exoticfruits · 11/04/2013 06:35

I have started one in AIBU and never again! It is much easier not to come back, like tumbletumble, I did, but I won't start another.
I would say it depends entirely on the thread, if it is helpful and supportive then it is easy to respond but if it doesn't go that way it may be easier to hide it and forget.


DaemonPantalaemon · 11/04/2013 06:57


I have generally found that people are pretty robust in their views here, but a lot of it is sound common sense.

It is a pity you did not come back.

The point of forums is that people will tell you what they think, and the Internet "buffer" means that the views can be pretty frank.

This is the risk you take when you post, but I can't believe that it gets so bad that you want to opt out all together. Ignore the flamers, and respond to the reasonable posters.

OP posts:

tumbletumble · 11/04/2013 07:03

Read my post again - I did come back, but was surprised how hard I found it.


exoticfruits · 11/04/2013 07:16

It does get so bad! I asked MNHQ to delete mine- they wouldn't and so I just hoped it would die quickly.


exoticfruits · 11/04/2013 07:18

I don't mind robust views - it often goes way beyond that!


tumbletumble · 11/04/2013 07:23

And when you return to the thread you bump it to the top, so likely to get even more comments when you were hoping it would just die!


exoticfruits · 11/04/2013 07:29

Exactly, there was something I wanted to reply to on mine ( to put right) but it would have got it back to the top so I left it.


wigglesrock · 11/04/2013 07:44

I sometimes think the 'where's the OP gone" etc are the equivalent of rubber neckers at an accident. It's an anonymous internet forum - sometimes people regret posting in the first place, sometimes they get busy with you know their real life and it just slips their mind. And to be very honest some people get a little over involved in other peoples internet questions/ musings.


DaemonPantalaemon · 11/04/2013 08:01


You are being a little unfair. Some people seem genuinely distressed and in need of help. It is a human instinct to respond. In this case, by making a comment. Not rubber-necking. If someone regrets posting, it is surely a courtesy to come and say, hi there, OP here, I regret posting this, please don't bother with more comments, and thanks for your attention.

And if people post and then get busy with their real lives, why post in the first place?

OP posts:

wigglesrock · 11/04/2013 08:23

Because some people just don't take MN as seriously as others. It's not a criticism and yes I do think that some people also treat other peoples threads as a mini soap opera complete with cliff hangers. I've been on MN for five years and have received some brilliant support and advice and have seen some fantastic acts of kindness but that doesn't take away from the fact that some posters including those responding to threads love a bit of drama.


exoticfruits · 11/04/2013 08:27

It doesn't work like that. If you say please don't post more comments it is not seen. Many people read first post only and wade in. I often have to point out that OP changed their mind 50 posts back- had they bothered to read they would know!


hedgefund · 11/04/2013 08:29

this thread is a waste of time


firesidechat · 11/04/2013 08:32

I was going to post about this the other day and chickened out because it would have been a bit provocative for a first ever time starting a thread.

I hate it and don't understand why they do it! Quite often it's a tame subject with no flaming going on, yet you don't even get a thank you for helping. Very rude.

I can understand why some don't come back to the more "lively" threads though. Especially if the OP is feeling a bit sensitive or in distress.


Feminine · 11/04/2013 08:57


Its very annoying. I used to try and give advice to those posts I was Hmm about. Now, not so much.


FreudiansSlipper · 11/04/2013 09:19


do you give advice because you want to or because you have a need to feel appreciated

there are many reasons why someone may not return. at times i would like to hear that they are ok or the outcome because i am nosey but other than that i do not give it much thought and if i am concerned i have pm someone


ChocsAwayInMyGob · 11/04/2013 09:27

I agree with tumbletumbe. It can be harder than you think out there. I wouldn't dream of starting an AIBU thread these days.


ThoseWomenWereInTheNip · 11/04/2013 09:34

do you give advice because you want to or because you have a need to feel appreciated This.

Even if the OP doesn't return then maybe your words of wisdom may be of help to someone else? I get that people want acknowledgment but I think the reasons why are a bit show offy? I also hate it when two people on the same thread say pretty much the same thing and the OP makes the mistake of responding or thanking the second poster. The first poster comes back with a "I said it first" or "What about me?"


Cantbelieveitsnotbutter · 11/04/2013 09:37

Is this about yoni's thread?!!


LokiTheCynicalCat · 11/04/2013 10:01

Many reasons:

There are often too many posters to thank individually.

If you only thank the ones who agreed with you or gave you helpful advice (e.g. Helping you out of your current predicament rather than criticising you for being stupid enough to get yourself into it), someone will bitch at you for only listening to people who tell you what you want to hear.

Life gets in the way, especially with work and/or children needing your attention. If its not a particularly controversial or long running thread, it may well have disappeared off the page by the time you get back to it. It is frowned on resurrect a zombie thread if there isn't any update to import or no new developments.

And MN is a useful tool, but not a completely absorbing soap opera for many people. There are a lot of posters who don't constantly browse the "Threads I'm on" tab and are surprised a few weeks/months later to discover that their thread took off after they went to work/left for the weekend.


mrsjay · 11/04/2013 10:04

I had a thread in chat and i lost it i was away for a week I did find it and saw i had a few replies and thanked and apologised to people for not answering, maybe that is what happens or they just think jeez that crowd are tough not going back there and might even change my name Grin


LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/04/2013 10:07

That's a supremely arrogant OP. Shock

Why must posters come back and report to you on their doings? They're not obliged to, this isn't a paid service and they don't get to choose an advisor. It's a chatboard and, good advice notwithstanding, you have the choice to post it or not. Give of your time or don't.

Agree with wigglesrock, the rubber-necking and place marking for updates is fairly blatant, however it's dressed up.

I think you have a point about the multiple threads but again, if you recognise that it's the same poster, which you clearly seem to, don't post.

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