Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to object to being called "flabby" by my GP

39 replies

abigboydidit · 10/04/2013 20:23

DD is 10 weeks old and DS is 23 months. Effectively I have been pregnant and/or breastfeeding forever almost 3 years and it has taken its toll on my body & self-esteem.

Pre-children I was a size 8 & reasonably fit. Although I am a size 8 again my body in no way resembles its pre-children state, which at 10 weeks post-delivery I was willing to accept. The reason I was at my GP was because I was worried DD's forceps assisted VBAC delivery had broken my vagina which it had and while I was there I did get a little upset about my body in general; feeling like a milk machine & the fact I had been attending physio as it seems I had a marked separation of my stomach muscles which my attempts at sit ups had actually worsened Blush. The additional news that I had a pelvic organ prolapse was a blow, at which point I didn't think I could feel any more rubbish about myself..and then she prodded my tummy and announced "yes, you really are flabby aren't you? I mean you've lost the baby weight but that's all just flab. You've got a lot of hard work ahead of you".

Shock
OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 10/04/2013 20:29
Shock

Shame you're back to your size 8 weight or you could have flattened her. My GP's never said that kind of thing to me and it isn't because I've a body like Jessica Ennis Grin It's because they're afraid my size 22 self will squish them Grin

Look - you're 10 weeks post natal. You're doing bloody well to get out of your front door let alone think about how you look. Your body has grown two whole human beings in the last 2 years. Anybody who can't see the beauty of your 'I've given birth twice' muscle tone need to seriously clear off to the very far side of a very long way away. Lets hope the GP was trying to be sympathetic and it came out wrong but seriously don't sweat it.

Tell me the names of your beautiful dc. i bet they're lovely and you did that. Pick up your self esteem and give it a gentle kick in the backside. You are a goddess!

MDA · 10/04/2013 20:35

What Northernlurker said.

cjel · 10/04/2013 20:37

What a rude lady. This was defiantly not professional or even true!! You are not flabby You are normal. Don't know what 'work ' she will think will help if you have damaged muscles. Does she also think prolapse will get fixed if you 'work' at pelvic floor exercises? She sounds a bit ignorant if you ask me, she may know about general health but doesn't seem to know a lot about torn muscles.I would also say how well you are doing, It took me 12 months to lose baby weight and as for muscle tone - well one day maybe!!

Coconutty · 10/04/2013 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

purrpurr · 10/04/2013 20:38

What NorthernLurker said, a million times.

hwjm1945 · 10/04/2013 20:41

Yes,it took me at least 6 months and i was someone with exceptional my good stomach muscle tone,fat area but flat stomach,gp was v v v unprofessional

LindyHemming · 10/04/2013 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LindyHemming · 10/04/2013 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gerrof · 10/04/2013 20:46

What northern said, absolutely.

What a terrible thing to say to you. For Christ sake you have a small baby, have had lots of issues physically from pregnancy and birth. What kind of tactless git says such a thing.

I reall hope they can sort the prolapse and things out. You have dine well to lose the baby weight, the rest of it will happen in time when you are bloody ready and the rest of the stuff is sorted. I would certainly see a different GP and not go back to that one. Life must be hard enough for yo at the moment without those kind of comments.

Gerrof · 10/04/2013 20:47

And northern you are lovely

Original poster
abigboydidit · 10/04/2013 20:48

Haha. Thanks everyone for cheering me up. I am still a bit stunned TBH! I do have quite a sarcastic sense of humour and use it as a defence mechanism sometimes so wondered if my attempts to put on a brave face had came across as not giving a shit and inviting insults. It's funny, as I used to be overweight and noone ever commented on my size. However, now I'm skinny it seems people seem to feel justified in pointing out any lump and bulge. Work colleagues certainly had a field day when I was pregnant Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
abigboydidit · 10/04/2013 20:49

And yes northern, you are lovely Thanks

OP posts:
Wishiwasanheiress · 10/04/2013 20:50

Well u can always lose flab, tone up etc. that's easyish.

Without a Car load of cash & surgery that GP will always be ugly.

(A rather poor amendment of a great quote, hope made u laugh tho)

drjohnsonscat · 10/04/2013 20:52

What a cow. As if you could possibly work any harder right now.

I remember the toll of pregnancy and we don't give ourselves nearly enough kudos for enduring it and all the other indignities and pains of motherhood.

Don't give it another thought and go and kiss your chubby babies to remind yourself what flesh is for.

Minibird · 10/04/2013 20:52

I agree with the others. Get a new GP

AnyoneforTurps · 10/04/2013 20:54

YANBU - as a GP I would never call someone flabby and I'm always very sensitive about baby weight/post baby weight - don't kick a woman when she's down.

If a patient is seriously obese, I need to discuss it with them but there are ways of doing that without being offensive.

Messandmayhem · 10/04/2013 20:57

Bet the miserly cow hasn't had kids. There are very few women about who have had kids and don't have a tummy that is a bit saggy or wobbly or squishy or whatever. Especially 10 weeks post natal. I've got a tummy like a carrier bag full of smashed jelly

5madthings · 10/04/2013 21:00

Omg how fucking rude!

I had similar at my 8wk postnatal check after dd the go we t in about how I still had 10lb to loose after she weighed me and how its not healthy to be overweight, my bmi was 26 so not exactly huge!

And dd is my 5th baby and I have lost the weight each time but I am not going to rush it iykwim?

The irony was that she herself was overweight and not just a couple if pounds, more like as couple of stone!

Fgs do they not stop to think that women are in a post natal hormone and sleep deprived state and making nasty comments about size weight and shape are not helpful!

Congratulations on your dd I bet both your kids are gorgeous a d they have a lovely mummy :)

LagomOchLyckaSwede · 10/04/2013 21:01

Just Shock and also my size 8 days are long behind me... You are doing AMAZINGLY with two under two (by a month). And also, congratulations on your DD! I can't believe anyone would say that to anyone, and if they said it to me I would send over DS in the middle of the night to wake them up and ask inane, random questions for every second. But seriously, that is shocking!

popebenedictsp45 · 10/04/2013 21:05

Bloody hell, what a rude thing to say! You had a baby 10 WEEKS ago, your body won't be back to normal for ages. (((hugs))) OP.

Northernlurker can you please be my personal cheerleader??

amiwhatorhow · 10/04/2013 21:10

was english her first language? you are flabby, you have lost the baby weight but that is just flab sounds non sensical.to me.

Did she not just mean, 'you are not overweight, you are untoned' which sounds like the case fromyour description.

BeQuicksieorBeDead · 10/04/2013 21:12

What a bitch! I can't believe a female gp would be so insensitive! And after getting back down to a size eight, you need a bloody medal, not being told you have got a lot of hard work ahead of you!

A locum gp at my surgery told me that ' a miscarriage at twelve weeks wouldn't have hurt'. Without missing a beat, then showed me the door. Dp put in a complaint to the surgery. I dont think kicking off is always the answer, but you could ask if they have got a feedback form... Imagine this gp handling someone with pnd.

amiwhatorhow · 10/04/2013 21:12

sounds like she was talking about your muscle separation and used 'flabby' to imply lacking in tone

Original poster
abigboydidit · 10/04/2013 21:14

Thanks again everybody. Glad am not over-reacting.. Still wish I had thought of something clever to say at the time Envy

OP posts:
digerd · 10/04/2013 21:14

How can a size 8 be skinny and flabby - that's nonsense.
Did happen to me but only after my 60th birthday. And it wasn't 10 weeks after giving birth !

I remember that at 6 weeks after birth, I was 8stone 4, and pre pregnancey was 7stone 9 < had been 9stone 9 before giving birth.

Didn't bother to weigh myself for months, or do exercises, but did get back into my size 8s . But I had only one child.
So you have done brilliantly.