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AIBU to think I should be able to discuss my birth w/o being called a show-off?

53 replies

GruffaloAteMySocks · 10/04/2013 17:03

Hey, I'm a first time poster.

I've just joined a few mother and baby groups after having my DD 9 weeks ago because I'm going stir-crazy at home. Most have turned out well, but I had a bad experience at one and probably won't be going back.

I'm pretty sensitive about my birth still, although I realize I am pretty lucky at the same time (I had planned to have a hospital birth but ended up with an unplanned home birth because my DD decided to come extremely quickly, basically I started bleeding, walked downstairs my waters went and four minutes later she was delivered by my DM before we had time to phone an ambulance.) It was pretty scary because there was no-one with medical training there to help me, I was worried that my DD could be hurt, I didn't get to hold her properly until we were at the hospital because I was in shock, I ended up getting two 1st degree tears stitched without enough local anesthetic and I was hysterical because I have a pretty severe phobia of needles.

We were all sat around discussing our births because one of the women was due any day, they were being quite competitive, 'Oh, I had an emergency c-section,' and 'I was in labor for 29 hours' if you get what I mean. I mentioned mine and one of the ladies told me that 'no-one likes a show-off' in a jokey/serious kind of way. I explained that I knew I was lucky it was so quick but it wasn't the best experience because of the reasons above and was accused of being silly and asked why I got pregnant if I was scared of needles.

I'm pissed with myself too because usually I'd be the first to tell them to take a long walk off of a short pier, but instead I kept shtum. AIBU?

OP posts:
ThreeWheelsGood · 11/04/2013 10:36

Yanbu, and well done for getting out and about at 9 Weeks! I couldn't drag myself out til around 14 Weeks. Thankfully I've never met anyone that rude but as with all things in life there will be people you get on with and people you don't. Sounds like you're doing the right thing, just keep trying different groups. none of the mums I met would be dismissive/bitchy like that about someone's birth story, she's not the norm!

bicyclebuiltforfour · 11/04/2013 11:42

Have to say, I feel for the other women.

My first birth was a horrible horrible 42hr process, and, to be honest, I was very jealous of anyone who'd had a short labour: as far as I was concerned, I got two days' worth of hell and they only got a few hours of it, so they were the lucky ones.

I know the OP's birth experience was horrible, but maybe the other women also had horrible births, births they truly consider worse than hers. I've been like this myself when around women whose births I'd have paid good money to experience (however inaccurate my perceptions of them were).

One more birth down the line I've come to realise that every birth is unique, and every mother's reaction to it is also unique. Now I just deal with my own feelings about my births and try to empathise with others regardless of my personal feelings about their experiences. Sorry if that sounds sanctimonious!!

OP - congratulations on your baby and I hope that you manage to deal with what happened. Sounds like you did great :)

Oh and Lynette - I love the shelling peas promise: makes me much more willing to discuss having a third with DH Wink

Offcolour · 11/04/2013 11:42

Lord, I thought you were going to say you'd gone on about how your hypno birthing and positive mental attitude resulted in your perfect birth! Your birth sounds traumatic. Ignore the nasties, don't go back if the group makes you uncomfortable, try a new one. There can be some very odd people at baby groups and some absolutely lovely ones.

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