Can I get out of this without being unreasonable?

[HappyJoyful]

Going away at the weekend with friends and our toddlers.

I'm really looking forward to it and can't wait, except 1 of the friends has emailed and suggested we could meet up nearby to where I live (as it's en-route for her) and then travel in one car to share petrol costs and because I think she's not feeling very confident about driving on her own as she's not driven for a while (its a 2.5hr journey).

I really don't fancy it, I admit, for what are sort of selfish reasons;

I'm a disorganised person and work full time, so was planning on just pottering on Fri am and packing throwing mine and DD's stuff in the car and setting off when I fancied (obviously I'd need to arrange a time if we were to meet and get into one car)

My 2.3yr DD is likely, left to own devices, to nod off on long car journey, making it nice peaceful 'me' time to listen to radio. I've no idea how friends 1.8yr old DD will be on long journey and I think it will stress me out. It feels like a responsibility to be driving with someone else's child in back of car and again.

We're spending 3 full days and nights together, I feel at the end of the holiday, I'd like to be 'flexible' in when I return and what I do and again, not have to factor someone else into the equation.

I may pass somewhere on the journey that I'd like to stop at, I'd just like to have the me time and only be responsible for me and my dd.

Am I being mean and unreasonable to try and come up with a reason why I don't fancy car sharing? Or should I just accept I'm being unreasonable, and be gracious and offer friend to come in our car (she has offered to drive too- but for all above reasons and fact I'm an awful passenger that would 'stress me out' even more')

What claudedebussy said. I'd be like you with the too much waffling but it actually looks more like your bullshitting not less. It's to the point, polite, and doesn't leave any room for her to say she'll fit in with your plans.

?

Cross posted.

Well how about Claude's brief reply but then more chat about the weekend and something like 'I'll be bringing the gin to help both of us nervous drivers calm down when we arrive!'

Sorry, by ? I meant, that wasn't claude's one liner, (though in fact it does neatly sum up everything).

Don't mention pit stops - that contradicts your first paragraph about not knowing what time you're leaving - and could well tie you in with meeting up with her along the way, which will ruin your nice chilled out drive.

It's really difficult - but put yourself first. Say you hope she won't mind but you've been desperate for a bit of time alone on the drive with your own thoughts - don't get any downtime with a toddler, etc etc. Don't feel guilty, she is NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY (repeat until you feel empowered!) - good luck!!!

I'm sorry but I'm not sure what time we'll be leaving on Friday so would rather meet you there.

Ghoul, thanks for suggestion, the consensus was that she could agree to flexibility too, thus then leaving me to make another 'excuse'!

Donkeys apologies, didn't mean to get the comments mixed up - there were a couple of suggestions for simple one liners, which I'd love to be able to pull of, but think I'd look rude as they're not 'me'.

FBmum Thanks for understanding, I'm sitting here saying it now, trying to muster up the feelings of liberating myself as MrsMangel said earlier, I know it will be good to say 'no'

gosh i don't normally get so many people agreeing with me

ok then:

dear x,

what a lovely suggestion and thank you for thinking of it. upon lots of reflection i really would like to be flexible. i've got my sister to visit on the way and a few errands to do. i have no idea what time i'll end up eventually leaving and i really don't want to put you out. it wouldn't be a case of 30 mins but potentially hours and i know that you have quite enough on your plate!

plus, between you and me, i feel quite nervous about driving other people. such a big responsibility! i'm ok on my own but i do get nervous very easily.

i think it would overall be just too stressful for me to deal with. i do hope that doesn't put you in too awkward a position.

let's crack open a bottle of wine on friday evening to celebrate getting there in one piece! can't wait.

lots of love, happyjoyful

I would just go with having passengers makes me nervous.

As in "Thanks for the suggestion but I hope you dont mind if we go separately as having passengers on such a long trip makes me anxious. See you there HappyJoyful "
Anything else and she will either try to compromise/fit in with you or you will have to keep up a prentence of visiting someone else.

Thank you all. I've done the 'deed'. Hopefully (like the vast majority of you have said) she wont think I'm being unreasonable.

I was brave and went for the honest approach.. kept it as simple as possible. Basically along these lines - so thanks again for all the tips and suggestions. Fingers crossed!

"Gave it lots of thought, and see your logic, however, I want to be flexible and not to stress either of us out - don't think it's ideally practical as we could end up waiting for one an other with a grumpy toddler in the car and I'm worried I'd find it too nerve wracking/challenging driving with 2 of them in the car too! Do hope you'll be fine, we can always see if we are close by at any point and I'm happy to stop or whatever if we are and you are anxious.. I've checked out route and it's not bad - I always right the key directions on post-it notes and stick on passenger seat and find it helpful to just be able to glance at. Can't wait to crack open the wine!"

Perfect! Enjoy your weekend

Thanks Whizz, very much looking forward to it and do feel liberated and rather empowered that I didn't go for the car sharing

I didn't mean you were being rude by any stretch... I just had a vision of a lady sitting reading this going 'I wonder what excuse she will use'.

Glad it's all sorted. Have a fab weekend.

ahh got you Oh ! Slightly awkward / embarrassing if she was, but was prepared to take the chance and got some good advice and just hope she doesn't think I'm being unreasonable.