to think it's not boys being boys

[ParadiseChick]

It's thugs being thugs!

Ds is 7. Was at my dad's yesterday with his two cousins (dad's wife's sons boys, cousins for all intent and purposes I'm guessing)

There two are 6 and 11 and 'play fight' all the time which I can't abide.

I wasn't there yesterday, dad had ds for a couple of hours after school whilst I was at work. Step bro popped in with his boys. The oldest one grabbed my son round the neck, started to initiate this toy fighting. Ds tried to get him off. In step bros words 'I could see what was going on but thought I'd leave them to it, see what panned out '

What panned out was the other brother getting involved, and 'pretending' to strangle ds, tripping him up and grappling.

I don't think ds knew what to do. He wasn't seriously hurt, from what I can gather step bro stopped his sons quite quickly. Whatever went on obviously he felt he better mention it to me so told me. He finished his sorry tale with 'its just boys being boys though isn't it' to which I replied no, it's thugs being thugs and set of home.

I'm livid, feel so bad for ds. He isn't that bothered, seems to realise they play rough.

Aibu?

Is rough and tumble to be expected? My ds is like a gentle giant, wouldn't initiate fighting play at all and seemed not to know how to respond.

And I have 15 cousins, seen each other weekly. Have no recollection of rolling about knocking lumps out of each other.

My ds, dd and neice were wrestling this afternoon. I have no beef with play fighting, but it must be with mutual consent, and the bigger ones need to be reasonable with the smaller ones.

Sorry meant to say YANBU although I don't like referring to little boys as thugs as that's a bit too harsh. Having said that it's down to the parents/ supervising adult to make sure there are appropriate boundaries in place.

We use rugby 'rules', ie, no dangerous tackles (never around the neck, no hands/fingers in eyes/faces), no biting or kicking when the other is down. They generally giggle through their fights and only under adult supervision.
No fighting of any kind allowed with visitors etc.

Playfighting is normal and good for the development of physical skills. It has nothing to with gender, it is as necessary for girls as it is for boys. Children will be fragile little dolls if you raise them that way, including boys. Girls will be just as strong, sturdy and fearless as the boys if allowed.

I don't think it's a good idea to raise any child to be gentle and fragile without the ability to physically defend themselves tbh and playfighting is a great way to toughen them up but in a safe, playful, non aggressive and good natured manner.

I think your sb's boys were overexcited and they should have been told immediately to stop, they should also be aware that it's not acceptable to do that to other kids without knowing whether they're up for a mess fight. Some children would be very frightened by that behaviour, others could have an illness or disability that could result in them being seriously injured, they need to understand that they shouldn't be rough with everyone.

yanbu to think that their behaviour and (especially) sb response was unacceptable. I do think you are a bit u to not develop your sons physical skills as they're essential for self defence and defence of others. You should teach your child that he's entitled to fight back, no harm if he does injure them the next time he's been 'ambushed', boys being boys and all that

Sorry missed the bit where he does karate!