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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I bloody hate myself :-(

51 replies

M0naLisa · 08/04/2013 12:15

As you may have see. My previous tread re: Drs.

I smoked throughout my pregnancy and and because of my incompetence and selfishness he has breathing difficulties. He's only 4months old and already suffering. Have been told its hereditary. But there will always be the what if what if what if!!

Please please if you are pregnant and still smoking. STOP!!

I should have known better being an asthma sufferer because of My mum smoking in pregnancy. I just thought is be one of the 'lucky' one.

OP posts:
honeytea · 08/04/2013 14:56

Don't give yourself a hard time, my ds had bronchilitus at 5 weeks old, I have never smoked and would avoid smoke to the extent of crossing the road.

I hope your dc is better soon, my ds got better so fast (hugs)

Original poster
M0naLisa · 08/04/2013 15:33

I'm hoping the nebuliser has worked or him. He's still wheezy and chesty so just hoping he gets better soon thanks

OP posts:
CheCazzo · 08/04/2013 15:37

Don't be so hard on yourself - I'm sure you're not the first or last Mum who's done something a bit dumb before, during or after pregnancy. I know plenty of people with chesty conditions whose parents didn't smoke and didn't hang around with smokers. I didn't manage to give up totally whilst pregnant and my son has only recently become a bit asthmatic ( 22 )and this is totally in line with other family members who have developed this condition later on in life.
Hope your DS is soon fully better xx

DontSHOUTTTTTT · 08/04/2013 15:46

You have to look forward. Make sure you are the best Mum from now on. Smile

Smoking while pregnant is pretty crappy but what's done is done and there is no point fretting about it.

Hope your DS is OK

Lovelygoldboots · 08/04/2013 16:07

Please don't do this to yourself. You are doing everything right. My ds is just the same and I don't smoke and neither does his dad. If you are keeping him smoke free then you are doing the best for him. I cursed myself for weaning him to soon, damp in our bedroom, I know how you feel. But my ds is 5 and is very rarely wheezy now. My heart goes out to you.

Original poster
M0naLisa · 08/04/2013 20:11

Thanks ladies means a lot.

OP posts:
TreeLuLa · 08/04/2013 20:13

I agree with don't shout.

Look forward. You made bad choices when pregnant but can change now.

Hope DS is OK.

Original poster
M0naLisa · 08/04/2013 20:15

Thanks. I try my best now to be the best mum I can Smile

OP posts:
havingamadmoment · 08/04/2013 20:19

Just wanted to add in that 2 of my 5 have very odd chests - they both had repeated chest infections as babies in fact the 6 year old has damaged adult teeth (they grew discoloured) and we were told that this was as a result of the high amounts of antibiotics he had as a baby which were all for chest problems.
No one in our family has ever smoked and they are very rarely exposed to smoke.
While it wasnt ideal to smoke in pregnancy and of course it would have been better to stop the fact remains that you didnt and that you will never know if that contributed to any problems now. The most important thing is that you dont start smoking again and really look ahead from now on.

ShellyBoobs · 08/04/2013 20:23

Beating yourself up about something in the past isn't going to help things.

I'm sure you're doing a great job as a mum, and you and he will get over this Smile

SarahAndFuck · 08/04/2013 20:53

Beating yourself up now isn't going to help any of you.

Please don't hate yourself or punish yourself. What's done is done and the doctors really aren't just saying asthma is hereditary just to make you feel better or worse.

You are doing all the right things now and can't turn back time no matter how much you might want to, and it might not change things even if you could, but your DS needs you to be gentle on yourself so you are in the best place to look after him.

Original poster
M0naLisa · 08/04/2013 21:09

Thanks. :-)

OP posts:
landofsoapandglory · 08/04/2013 21:15

M0na Both my 2DSes had bronchiolitis, DS2 went on to become a severe asthmatic. I have never smoked and he was BF for a year. My mother is asthmatic, he inherited from her.

My DSis has 3 DC, she smoked through all 3 of her pregnancies. None of her DC have inherited asthma despite their father being asthmatic too.

It's just the luck of the draw!

I hope he is better soon, and well done for giving up. Here's a tip that I read from somewhere else. Put the money you would have spent on ciggies in a jar, or tin, and watch it mount up. In a month, 2 months, 6 months or whatever treat yourself and the kids!

Original poster
M0naLisa · 08/04/2013 21:19

:-) thanks will do that :-)
Now dh is working it will be easier to do that :-)

OP posts:
Molehillmountain · 08/04/2013 21:23

You've given up smoking-that's amazing, well done! It's hugely addictive and who's to judge how hard it is for any individual - just knowing its bad for baby isn't always enough. Don't beat yourself up. Not only is it not warranted, it'll mess with your head and make you more likely to do the thing you really want to avoid which is starting again.

Fwiw, I think humility and admitting you've made mistakes, facing up to them and moving onwards and upwards are great qualities in a parent.

StealthPolarBear · 08/04/2013 21:27

Well done for stopping. Hope your ds is better soon

Lucyellensmum95 · 08/04/2013 21:29

Asthma is hereditary - which means it is passed on in your DNA, it will have made NO DIFFERENCE whatsover if you smoked during your pregnancy or not.

I say this as someone who is a fervant anti smoker - don't blame yourself for this please.

I hope your DS is feeling better soon.

JustGiveMeFiveMinutes · 08/04/2013 21:30

My DM smoked while she was pregnant with me. I didn't develop asthma. Just learn from this and move on. I'm sure you're A great mum.

StealthPolarBear · 08/04/2013 21:30

Lem he has bronchioitis. Smoking is a risk factor for most respiratory diseases.

Lucyellensmum95 · 08/04/2013 21:31

Also, from your other thread it is blatantly obvious that you are a really concientious and loving mum, he is lucky to have you as his mum, really.

Lucyellensmum95 · 08/04/2013 21:32

STB, he has this as a result of a viral infection, it is not something he has had since he was born. The OP does not smoke now

TheSecondComing · 08/04/2013 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StealthPolarBear · 08/04/2013 21:36

Exposure to smoke still increases risk. Not doing this to make the op feel guilty as she's done that to herself and think she's brilliant to have stopped. But there seem to be a lot of myths on this thread.

McNewPants2013 · 08/04/2013 21:45

well done for giving up smoking.

CautionaryWhale · 08/04/2013 21:53

Another one here with two DC who have had bronchiolitis.
They need watching in Winter but otherwise robust.
I am a non-smoker.

Yes there are links between asthma and smoking but asthma has also been linked to air pollution, antibiotics and c section. Your first son is asthmatic and you didn't smoke. Cut yourself some slack.