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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to masturbate next to sleeping DP (TMI Alert!)

63 replies

Pregnantandhorny · 07/04/2013 18:06

Name changed to protect the innocent Smile

I have always had what I consider to be a healthy sex drive, but since getting pregnant I've gone into overdrive. I frequently find myself waking up at night in need of some attention, if you see what I mean. I have been sorting myself out, just sort of did it without really thinking, while DP is asleep next to me.

A couple of nights ago he stirred and woke while I was in the middle of things. I pretended I had just stirred as well and I don't think he realised what I was up to. But that got me worrying how he would have reacted if he had. I hadn't really thought about what I was doing but since then I've found myself feeling guilty and worried if it's right.

I'm all hormonal at the moment, and don't feel able to make a rational judgement about many things, so thought I'd throw it open to see what people think.

OP posts:
BreasticlesNTesticles · 07/04/2013 18:08

I don't think it matters, it wouldn't bother me if DH did. I know lots of people on here don't agree though.

yaimee · 07/04/2013 18:09

I don't think it matters either :)

LindyHemming · 07/04/2013 18:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuzzywuzzy · 07/04/2013 18:11

Why would it upset him?

Would he rather you woke him up from a deep sleep for sex?

Talk to him about it, he may be happy to help you out.

Crawling · 07/04/2013 18:21

Why would it upset him? YANBU.

mmmuffins · 07/04/2013 18:21

I admit I do this. DP always falls asleep before I do, and is a heavy sleeper. Sometimes my thoughts get a bit sexy, and, well, you know. Playing with the vibrator is really relaxing and helps me fall asleep.

DP does know, as far as I can tell he hasn't been emasculated by it Grin

karrie8 · 07/04/2013 18:24

I think you should just go for it lol
I think men prob like to catch us doing things like that anyway :-)

ChippingInIsEggceptional · 07/04/2013 18:27

I think it's entirely up to you - there's nothing wrong with it At All - but if you'd prefer a bit of company, why not ask him if he'd like to be woken when you feel like that - but if you can't be bothered and just want a 'quick fix' or he doesn't want to be woken then 'as you were'.

fuzzpig · 07/04/2013 18:27

I don't think it's U at all.

You could talk to him though - maybe he would jump at the chance to be woken up :o

ChairmanWow · 07/04/2013 18:29

Why don't you tell him you're feeling more fruity than normal and ask him if he'd be happy to be woken up for some action. He might be happy to oblige. If he's not then fiddle away!

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 07/04/2013 19:16

Do you feel weird about him not being aware of it? Maybe you could give him a heads up that you do this occasionally, he might suggest you wake him up to help!

Chipstick10 · 07/04/2013 19:20

muffins doesn't the vibrator make a noise?Grin

Theicingontop · 07/04/2013 19:24

I did this as a last resort when I was exactly 40 weeks pregnant, feeling very 'fruity' and OH wouldn't oblige, because he thought it would start my labour off, and was scared.

Well, I sorted myself out. And 5'oclock that morning my waters broke.

Grin

He still doesn't know that I probably brought it on myself.

LadyMountbatten · 07/04/2013 19:26

Would women feel the same if a man did it?

MooMooSkit · 07/04/2013 19:29

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

MadamFolly · 07/04/2013 19:34

I think its fine if you are not touching him in his sleep without the intention of waking him up. Same for men.

Wanking in bed with partner asleep but nit touching = fine
Gently rubbing DP back to wake up etc = fine
Trying to touch them up or have sex with them in their sleep = not fine

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 07/04/2013 19:37

There is nothing wrong per se with masturbating next to a sleeping partner in the context of a non abusive relationship. But I get why you might feel a bit weird, it shows you are sensitive and respectful IMO.

Thurlow · 07/04/2013 19:47

I can't decide on this one! Part of me thinks it's fine, especially as you're pregnant and on a hormonal overdrive.

But then part of me can imagine exactly how a thread would go if someone posted "I woke up in the middle of the night and discovered that my DH was wanking next to me..."

Depends what is normal in your relationship. If your DP would find it funny, then absolutely fine.

Fargo86 · 07/04/2013 19:52

Wake him up and tell him to give you a good seeing to.

BegoniaBampot · 07/04/2013 19:54

i was really horny when pregnant for some strange reason. I sort myself out sometimes when husband s sleeping or I think he's sleeping and then he laughs and say's 'you enjoyed that then? '. TMI but it's no biggy.

maras2 · 07/04/2013 19:59

TMI again.I do it sometimes after we've DDD and use his semen as a lubricant.Even after we're both sated,I sometimes need a little extra.He knows about this as I tell him next morning then it leads to another session or if I'm too tired he is aroused enough to crack one off in the shower.Be honest with each other and you may be as happy as we are after 47 years.Best wishes and good luck with your baby. Mx.

Original poster
Pregnantandhorny · 07/04/2013 20:00

Thank you all for your supportive answers. As I say, I've been doing it for a while without thinking there was anything wrong with it, but it just suddenly worried me that I may be wrong. It appears that the majority are with me anyway.

I'm sure he would love to be woken and offer to help, but unfortunately he might not actually be much help, if you get what I mean Grin

OP posts:
mynewpassion · 07/04/2013 20:07

Thurlow, I have seen threads similar to this but with being the male partner wanking. I might be wrong but it seemed to lean towards him being unreasonable.

LadyMountbatten · 07/04/2013 20:13

Yup. I agree.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 07/04/2013 20:16

Go for it. Not every one is in synch all the time and as long as its not replacing the sex in a relationship I don't see the problem on either side.

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